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Fuck you, Milo, I told myself.
Screw my messed-up brain and its inability to live quietly in the moment.
“Hey,” she whispered, placing her hand against my cheek. “Look at me,” she requested.
I hesitated to turn my head back toward her because I knew when I met her stare, the tears would fall. I knew it would change everything because I was about to mess this thing up. I was about to take a well-soaring plane and make it crash.
“Milo, please…”
I sighed, obsessed with the sweetness of her voice and the softness of her touch on my face. The tears fell without warning. I turned to her, my eyes burning with emotions, some I hadn’t even known how to decipher.
Her expression wasn’t confused or judgmental, though. It was gentle. She pulled my mouth to hers and kissed me. “I love you,” she swore against me. “I love you so much.”
She saw it, too—the love.
“I love you,” she echoed again, and again, and again…
I kissed her harder as my tears fell against her cheeks. Her beautiful cheeks, with her deep dimples and loving eyes. She kissed me with love, and I kissed her with the same. Her love felt like poetry to my uneducated mind. It felt effortless and timeless. I wondered what my love felt like for her. Was it soft? Was it gentle? Was it raw and free?
Was it poisonous? Did it hurt?
We made love that night.
The only problem?
She made love to me as if it would last forever.
I made love to her as if it would end come morning because it would.
Come sunrise, I’d say my goodbyes.
Because love couldn’t last forever, therefore we’d only have that night.
CHAPTER 35
Starlet
I woke up the following morning in Milo’s bed and reached out to place my hand against his chest as I had the previous few days. When I didn’t find him in the bed, I sat up and glanced around the room. He stood there in his gray sweatpants, wearing no shirt, staring out of the window with a coffee mug in his hands.
“Good morning.” I yawned, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
He turned my way with a tiny smile on his face. “Morning.”
“How long have you been up?”
“Not that long. Figured I’d drown myself in coffee for a while.”
I glanced at my watch and noticed the time. “Oh, it’s later than I thought. We should get going if we are going to catch the sunrise. Let me get dressed fast and—”
“I love you, Starlet.” His words were so calm and confident that they made my heart do a few backflips. “Do you know that? Do you know that I love you?”
“Of course I know that.”
He walked over toward me and set his coffee mug on the nightstand. He then placed the palm of his hand on the back of my neck and pulled me in for a kiss. He kissed me long and hard, harder than he’d kissed me in some time. I felt it vibrate throughout my whole system, sending me into a flurry. It felt different. Something was off about the way he kissed me. I didn’t know kisses could taste like goodbyes before he laid his lips against mine.
I pulled away slightly and narrowed my eyes. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing, I just needed to kiss you. That’s all.”
“Milo—”
He stood and held his hand out toward me. “Let’s go watch the sunrise.”
I lightly swatted his hand away. “No. What was that?”
“What was what?”
My heart was racing, and I placed my hands against my chest as if that would soothe its wild beats. “Tell me what’s going on.”
His head lowered, and my heart dropped right when he said, “Star, I think you’re amazing…”
“No.” I shook my head. “What are you doing?”
He rubbed the palm of his hand against the nape of his neck. “I just feel as if we…with everything going on in my life right now, I don’t think we should…” His words kept fading off, so I went ahead and finished them for him.
“Are you breaking up with me?” I asked, my voice shaking with the nerves pushing their way from my stomach to my throat. A wave of nausea crashed into my nervous system, rocking my whole world upside down.
His head stayed staring at the floor instead of looking at me. “Listen—”
“No.” I cut in. “No. If you’re trying to break up with me, you don’t get to stare at the floor, Milo. If you’re going to break up with me, look me in the eye and do it like a grown-up.”
Please don’t look up. Please don’t look up…
He looked up.
He locked his eyes with mine.
He broke my heart.
“I can’t date you anymore, Starlet.”
He said Starlet instead of Star.
He used my full name. He hadn’t done that in weeks.
That felt like a betrayal I wasn’t ready to face.
I was going to be sick. Everything in my head began to spin, and I felt as if I were going to pass out any second now. I stood from the bed, but my vision blurred. What was he doing? Why was he saying that? There was no way he was breaking up with me. Not after everything we’d been through. Not after everything I walked away from.
