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“Are you ready?” the technician asked me, giving me a warm smile.
I nodded, too nervous to speak. I hated coming to the doctor’s office. Being around unfamiliar people made me nervous, and I ended up stuttering badly. My OB was amazing, and she completely understood and was patient with me when I was tripping over my words, but other people didn’t understand so much, and I hated seeing the pity in their eyes.
“Alright,” she said as she squeezed some of the warm gel on my belly. She used the wand to move it around before a picture popped up on the screen. My little baby was sucking its thumb, its little feet moving, but not really kicking me—just light nudges.
“Oh, my God,” Lincoln breathed as he stared at the screen. He tightened his hand around mine. “We created that.”
I laughed softly and gently squeezed his hand in return. “We did,” I confirmed. It felt a little surreal to me, too.
“Would you like to know what you’re having?” the technician asked me with a warm smile.
Both of my men looked at me with hopeful eyes. I smiled and looked back at the technician. “Yes,” I told her, proud of myself when I didn’t trip over the word.
She moved the wand around a little before she smiled. “You’re having a healthy, baby girl,” she informed me with a broad smile.
The guys were getting what they wanted.
“Knew it,” Jessie whispered. He grinned at me. “A little mini you. I can’t fucking wait. She’s going to be beautiful.”
“And a handful,” Lincoln added. He flashed me a sexy smile that had my heart tripping in my chest. “Just like her beautiful mother.”
Tears welled in my eyes. “S-stop being so s-sweet,” I choked out.
Lincoln leaned down and brushed his lips with mine. “Easy, baby,” he soothed, relaxing me. “We love you, and we’re so fucking happy to be having a baby with you. Let us have this moment.”
I nodded at him, too choked up to speak. God, both Jessie and Lincoln were so amazing, and they didn’t even realize it, though I made sure to remind them all the time.
They always brushed me off though, with the simple statement of we love you, and left it at that.
Dr. Gresham sat across from me in the little library-like room that I used to spend all of my time in when I was still admitted into the center. He gave me a warm smile. “I hear congratulations are in order.”
I rolled my eyes, laughing softly. “Meghan told you.”
He laughed and nodded his head. “She is very excited for you,” he told me. I knew. Meghan had almost busted my eardrum when I called her to tell her what I was having.
I smiled. “The guys are ecstatic about having a little girl,” I told Dr. Gresham. “They’re already looking through baby name books and buying furniture for the nursery.”
“They’re good men.”
I nodded in agreement. “The best.”
“How has the past couple of days been so far?” he asked me.
I shrugged. “They’re fine—normal,” I added. “I haven’t had any anxiety attacks. I still stutter and sometimes lose my ability to speak when I’m overwhelmed, but otherwise, I’m okay.”
Dr. Gresham sighed. “The speech part of it all may be something that gets better with time, or it may stick with you for the rest of your life. Do you feel like you can function normally besides that?”
I nodded. “I feel fine.” And that was the truth. I felt as normal as I could. “My emotions are still all over the place, which even now I’m still trying to get used to.”
“And how is that coming?” Dr. Gresham asked me. “To be able to feel all of that again, to not want to always lock it away? How does it feel to finally live and not just try to survive?”
“It feels amazing,” I breathed. And it really did. I loved being so open with Jessie and Lincoln. I loved that I was letting them take care of me, to be what I never knew I needed. We lived in peaceful harmony. My house was truly a home, and I never wanted it to change.
“I never knew how much I was pushing away all of the good things in my life until I no longer had to fight to survive anymore,” I told him. He nodded in understanding. “I feel like I can finally breathe. Jessie and Lincoln—God, they’re absolutely amazing. I love that I can be so open with them. I never have to hide how I’m feeling.”
“It no longer feels like the world is against you,” Dr. Gresham noted.
I nodded. That was exactly how I felt. “I feel normal.”
Dr. Gresham smiled at me. “And is that a good thing?”
“Yes. It’s the best thing in the world. I can actually go into town with Lincoln and Jessie and not have everyone in town staring at me, afraid that I’m going to cause destruction. Even the police smile at me when they see me and ask how my day is going. I still have a hard time letting my guard completely down around people I don’t know, but I don’t feel like I have to be so rude and snippy to protect myself.”
