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She records us as we play, and I have to force myself not to look at her as I sing the lyrics. When we finish, and I finally sneak a glance, I know she knows. The song is about her.
There isn’t time to process how I might feel about it because Ryan suggests a cover of “Wicked Game,” and we dive straight into that one. Bianca records that song too, and then the rest of the entire session as we jam for the next two hours. I can barely hold my guitar by the time we finish, and I make an excuse to use the restroom so I can take a couple of extra painkillers.
Bianca offers to cook us lunch even though we don’t have much. The guys eat the grilled cheese sandwiches and soup she makes like it’s their last meal before an execution, and Kieran jokes that she can move in any time she wants.
She falls into an easy banter with us and doesn’t seem to mind the endless chatter about music. She participates in the conversation, adding her own thoughts. Ryan debates her on the best rock covers, and Bianca lays out her defense like a skilled attorney while Kieran and I watch the entire charade.
The conversation continues until the late evening hours, long after we’ve ordered pizza for dinner and fucked around, trying to spin a new set of lyrics into a full-blown song. Bianca tells us there’s good energy between us, that she can feel us vibing off each other. She says we should make a band, but there’s sadness in her eyes when she mentions it. Because she won’t be here for it, and we both know it.
After midnight, we say good night and head back to my room, where Bianca drops the news I knew was inevitable.
“I have to go back to school in the morning,” she tells me apologetically. “I’ll need to get up early to take the train.”
“I figured.” I sit on the bed and watch her, waiting for the hammer to drop.
“I have class until two, and then I can come back,” she says.
“You shouldn’t be riding the train alone. I can go with you.”
“No.” She shakes her head quickly, neglecting to mention the reason she doesn’t want me there. “It’s not a problem. I’ll come to you. You need to focus on your recovery.”
I want to argue, but Bianca knows where that conversation is headed and changes the subject fast.
“I programmed my new number into your phone,” she adds. “So you can text me any time I’m not here.”
“What happened to your iPhone?”
Her eyes dart to the floor, and she shrugs. “This is just easier right now.”
She’s being evasive, and I have to question what else she’s hiding from me. A part of me wants to push it, but I know this situation is dangling by a thread already. We’re trapped in a fragile web of lies, and as long as we keep pretending that we aren’t, the threads won’t break.
Bianca seems to sense my doubts creeping in, so she leans up on her toes and kisses me. It isn’t long until we’re back in bed, getting lost in each other while the rest of our world burns around us. I’m inside her, and whether she knows it or not, she’s inside me.
As we fall asleep, I wonder if I’ll ever be able to cut her out.
Chapter 57
Madden
A solid week goes by, and I spend the entirety of it ignoring Lucian’s calls and avoiding Ace. Instead, I opt to spend my time fucking Bianca all over the house and trying to forget the fact that our world is about to implode.
This morning, she sets a different pace when she climbs on top of me and rides me. I can’t tear my eyes away from hers, and I don’t want to. She sees it. She knows she has me, and at the moment, it’s easy not to care. But I know I can’t give in to it completely. Too much is at stake to self-destruct with her again. At some point, I have to do something.
Helping her remember is the only thing that makes sense. I can’t keep her safe unless I know what I’m protecting her from. But I can’t even do that much if she won’t agree to participate. Regardless of what unfolds, I have responsibilities independent of her. A promise I made long ago that can’t be broken.
When Bianca finishes me off and collapses against my chest, I can tell she’s lost in her own thoughts. We lay there for a while in silence before she finally gives voice to them.
“Madden, I was thinking…” She hesitates, blinking up at me. “Maybe you could let Eden go. She doesn’t have anything to do with this situation, and it won’t affect it one way or the other if she’s not here.”
