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He protests, and I disconnect the call, my blood boiling me alive. I open my texts to see two from Bianca, asking me if I’ve been hooking up with Lilith. And it fucking eats at me. I text her and tell her congrats on moving up her wedding, and in answer to her question, yes. Then I toss my phone aside and look at Lilith. I don’t even have to say anything. She gets up and comes to me.
She slips the Oxy onto my tongue, and I swallow it down with the water she gives me. Then I toss the bottle aside and flop onto the couch, leaning my head back against the cushion.
“What else can I do to help?” Lilith asks as she takes a seat beside me.
I know what she’s offering. There’s no question in my mind. But even after all the bullshit Bianca has pulled, there’s still one undeniable fact. She’s fucking ruined me for anyone else.
“Nothing,” I tell Lilith. “There’s nothing you can do.”
Chapter 75
Madden
Jackie never regains consciousness, and after two days in the hospital, she slips away quietly in the middle of the night. We didn’t get a chance to say our goodbyes, and it hits me harder than I could have prepared for. No matter how long I knew it was coming, there’s nothing that can make it easier. She was like a mother to me, and life won’t be the same without her presence. But more than anything, my heart aches for Zoe, who’s had more loss than anyone should at her age. I’m all she has right now, and I have to set aside my grief for Jackie and my sadness over Bianca and step up and make sure she’s taken care of.
She tries to put on a brave face as we move her to the compound to live with me. It takes us a few days and five guys to help, but we get all her stuff, including the playhouse, along with Jackie’s belongings, moved. For now, those things will go into storage until Zoe is older and she can decide what she wants to keep.
I spend the next few days on autopilot, following each step that I had planned out in advance. I set up Zoe’s room with photos of Wyatt, her mom, and Jackie. I enroll her into the homeschool program we run on the compound, where she can attend with the other kids after she’s had some time to process. And then comes the memorial. Jackie wanted to keep things simple, and I respected her wishes for a graveside service. She picked out everything herself, apart from the white and yellow flowers, which Zoe and I chose together. There won’t be any fanfare or potlucks afterward. All Jackie cared about was that the people she loved got a chance to say goodbye, and her pastor was to deliver the eulogy. Her requests were uncomplicated, and in some ways, I felt as if I should have done more, but doing so wouldn’t be honoring who she was.
The day of the service is uncommonly gray, and when Zoe and I arrive at the cemetery, the sky opens up, and it begins to rain. She clutches my hand, and I hold an umbrella over our heads as we huddle together, and she begins to cry.
“Hey.” I kneel at her level and wipe her tears. “You know I love you, right? No matter what, we have each other, and we’ll get through this.”
Zoe nods and then flings her arms around me, squeezing me in a hug that leaves me almost too choked up to speak.
“Grandma is in heaven with Mom and Dad now,” she tells me. “We’ll see them again someday.”
I feel like I’m supposed to be the one comforting her, but Zoe has always been brave and strong. So I let her assurances comfort us both, and then I give her a kiss on the cheek before we right ourselves and greet the guests as they arrive. Most of them are members of Jackie’s church and the people from her community she helped regularly. But when the black truck with California plates pull up, a wave of uncertainty rolls over me. I expected Ryan and Kieran to show, given that they were just as much a part of Jackie’s life as I was. But I’ve managed to avoid them for the past five years, hoping they’d just forget I ever existed. Now the day has finally come when I’ll have to face them.
Ryan gets out of the truck first, followed by Kieran, and as soon as Zoe spots them, she slips away with a renewed sense of happiness. She bolts straight for them, and they each pull her in for a hug, ruffling her hair and remarking on how big she’s gotten since they last saw her.
