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“I’m fine,” I argue. “The doctors gave me the goddamn prescription.”
“They gave you the prescription, and then they cut you off. I’m not fucking stupid, man. I know Lilith is feeding you this shit.”
“We need to get through this tour,” I tell him. “Then we can sort everything out. We have two more weeks. Can you just lay off me until then?”
I can tell by the expression on his face he doesn’t like the idea. And I wouldn’t put it past Kieran to shut this whole thing down because of me. As much as I’ve been a bad friend to him, he’s never stopped being a good one. He wants the best for me, even at the expense of his own success.
“I don’t want to let you guys down.” I hang my head, fucking tired of life. “I’m sorry it’s been a shit show. I’ll try to pull myself together. I’ll deal with it. Just don’t stress about it, okay?”
“I’m always going to stress about it,” he says quietly. “I can’t lose you too.”
When I look up at him, I feel like the biggest asshole on the planet. We’ve been through too much together to be having this conversation right now. It’s not fair to him that I can’t seem to pull myself out of this dark hole. It’s not fair that he’s worrying about me when he should be enjoying this time in his life.
“If you need help, we’ll get you help,” he says. “We can bring someone on tour with us. Someone to look after you, talk you through things. Whatever you need. We can make it happen.”
“I don’t need that,” I reply. “I’ll handle my shit when we get home.”
He doesn’t look convinced, and I’m not expecting him to throw a sucker punch. “Bianca’s worried about you, too. She’s been watching the shows, and—”
“What the fuck do you mean Bianca’s worried about me?” I glare at him, and Kieran shakes his head like I’m being ridiculous. “You’ve been talking to her?”
“Yes,” he grits out. “She emailed Jimmy, asking him if he could have me reach out to her. I did. She’s known you for a long time, and she’s scared for you, brother.”
“You two have been having these conversations behind my fucking back?” I jump up and pace across the room.
I don’t know if it’s me talking anymore or the pills that have been making me fucking crazy. But one irrational thought bleeds into the next, and the words hurl from my lips before I can stop them.
“Are you fucking her too?”
“Dude, seriously?” He stares at me like I’m insane.
Sometimes I feel like it. But right now, it makes perfect sense in my mind.
“Have you fucking touched her?” I snarl.
“No,” he huffs. “I can’t believe you’d even ask me that. And what do you care, anyway? You’ve got Satan’s spawn telling everyone who will listen that she’s your girlfriend.”
I don’t know what comes over me, but the thought of him talking to Bianca triggers something I can’t control. It boils my blood, and I can’t let go of the idea that he’s fucking around with her. I’m not thinking about the consequences when I lunge at him and throw my fist at his face. I get one solid hit in before he tackles me to the floor, and we grapple.
“Dude, this is what I’m talking about,” he yells at me. “This isn’t you. You’ve gotta stop.”
“Fuck you!” I spit back. “You goddamn traitor.”
“What the hell is going on?” Lilith pokes her head over the edge of the couch, peering down at us.
Kieran’s got me in an arm bar, and he could easily break it if he wanted to. My back is fucking throbbing, and so is my head, and all I want to do is go back to bed and forget about everything.
“Get off me,” I growl.
He releases me slowly, adjusting his prosthetic before he staggers upright and tosses a glare at Lilith. “If you give him one more goddamn pill, I swear to you I’ll have your ass on the next bus back home. Do you understand me?”
“Get the fuck out!” I thunder.
He snatches the bottle of pills from the nightstand and tosses me one more look over his shoulder, his disgust clear as fucking day.
“By the way, we’re in Las Vegas. I thought you might want to go see Zoe. But it’s probably better that you don’t.”
“I can’t fucking believe you.” Lilith slams a half-empty bottle of vodka down onto the coffee table.
“What are you bitching about now?” I wipe my face with a towel and avoid her gaze. She always gets like this when we run out of pills.
“I heard you, asshole,” she shrieks. “I know what you were fighting with Kieran about.”
My shoulders tense, but I don’t acknowledge her, which just makes everything worse.
