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“Maybe not intentionally. But eventually you’d resent me for pushing you into this choice.”
He took a calming breath and then another. “You’re not giving me much credit here, Lucy.” She thought she had it all figured out, and he couldn’t say a damn thing to dissuade her because it’d just be used as evidence of either how unready he was for that kind of commitment, or how much she valued their friendship. Struck down because she cares about me.
That brought him up short.
He was being greedy, but hell. The thought of her with someone else when they fit drove Gideon out of his goddamn mind. He took her hand, noting the tension there. “You’ve given me the worst-case scenario, and I respect that. Let me paint you a different picture.”
Lucy hesitated. “Okay.”
“You pick me. We get married, figure out living arrangements. Nothing bad happens. In fact, our quality of life improves exponentially. We force ourselves to take a few breaks from work a year and travel a bit. We start working through that list I know you’ve put together. We make our house a home. Fuck, maybe we have some kids, too. And every night, it’s just us. You and me.”
Her lips curved in a faint smile. “I like how you added in my sexual bucket list.”
“It’s important.” He ran his thumb over her knuckles. Gideon wanted the life he’d just described. He wanted to be able to shoot Lucy a text and meet her after work for dinner and then walk home together and make love on every goddamn surface of the place they shared. He wanted the lazy Sunday mornings and the long weekends away. He wanted to be able to call her when he nailed an account or to get her calls when she was victorious in court.
He wanted it all.
Lucy pressed her lips together. “What if it blows apart in our face?”
“What if it doesn’t?” He kept stroking her knuckles as she relaxed against him, bit by bit. “But let’s talk this out your way. You pick someone else. We stop sleeping together, but that tension isn’t going to disappear. Your new husband—” the term soured his stomach “—picks up on the tension and it makes him uncomfortable. Because it will, Lucy. Even if the guy is interested in marriage in name only, he’ll have a problem with it.”
“But—”
“Trust me. He will draw the line in the sand, and you’ll have to choose which side of it you’re going to be on.” Gideon hated seeing the worry all over her face, but if they were being real, it had to be said. “You’ll pick him. You’ll have to.”
The waiter walked in carrying their desserts. He set them on the table, took one look at Gideon’s and Lucy’s faces and stepped back. “Let me know if you need anything. Enjoy.” He dashed out of the room.
“I don’t... This is too much.” She picked up a fork and poked at her apple cobbler. “You just dropped a serious information bomb on me and I don’t even know how to wrap my head around it.”
“Then don’t.”
She twisted to look at him. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m not saying you need to make the decision this second.” He nudged his dessert away. “But you need to stop thinking that I’m not an option. I am. Fuck, I’m the best option.”
“Arrogant to the very end.”
“I’m sure of my worth. I’m even surer of how good we’d be. We’ve more than proved it over the last two weeks.”
“One of which you weren’t even on the same side of the country.” But she relaxed against him and allowed him to tuck her head against his shoulder. “I’ll think about it, Gideon. I don’t... I don’t know if I can promise more than that.”
“Don’t let fear win, Lucy. You’ve gone down that road before and you already know how it ends.”
The walk back to Lucy’s place happened in a blur. She couldn’t get Gideon’s words out of her head and his big presence at her side eclipsed all else. He made it sound so simple—the easiest thing in the world. Pick me.
It wasn’t that easy.
The picture he painted was an attractive one. More than attractive. She craved that life, craved the connection already strung between her and Gideon. But Lucy had seen firsthand how bad things could get when she let someone close and they turned on her. Gideon would never cheat on her—of that, she was certain—but there were so many ways a person could hurt someone they cared about. Most of the time, it was even unintentional.
If she married some near stranger and they did something careless or cruel, she could respond without missing a beat. They weren’t close enough to hurt her. Gideon, though? He could cut her to the bone.
Aren’t you tired of living in fear?
