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I wasn’t supposed to feel bad for him, but some things were out of my control, and whatever those things were, they had to be concealed in the back of my mind.
When the bell rang, we all returned to our respective seats. Mr. Graves entered the room, disregarded our greetings, and started writing a math problem on the board.
Gray was the first to raise his hand. Some girls at the front rooted for him, but Mr. Graves called on another student.
Swiveling slightly in my chair, I noticed how Gray raised his arm several times but got the sameI-don’t-see-youtreatment.
He might’ve been the best in math, but he wasn’t Mr. Graves’ favorite student.
“Mr. Yoo, I know you know the answer, but I will need you to sit still next time. Stop acting like the hyperactive rat you are and give these turtles a chance to share their answers,” Mr. Graves said in front of the whole class, offending everyone, including me.
I wanted so badly to say,I beg to disagree, Mr. Graves. We’re not turtles. We’re just not interested in your class. Math is boring, and you make it even more boring.I mean, who starts the class with a math problem without a proper lecture?
Mr. Graves shifted his attention toward me.
I propped my chin in the palm of my left hand, acting all innocent yet just as eager to ditch class.
“What did you say, Ms. Song?” he asked, letting out a loud breath, and I wondered,What did I say?Everyone was now staring at me, some muffling their laughter and some looking as if they’d seen a ghost possessing me.
“What? Did I say something … ?” I trailed off, realizing how I had just physically broadcasted my thoughts for everyone to hear, giving myself the chance to experience Mr. Graves’ silent wrath. “Err … Haha?”
* * *
Saved by the bell,I quickly made my way to the empty, blue-roofed shed where I waited for my ride. Luckily, Mr. Graves didn’t punish or send me to detention for hurting his feelings. If it had been Gray Yoo, he would’ve lost his patience and quit being a teacher. Or made Gray’s life a living hell.
I sat on a bench in the shed, twiddling my thumbs, waiting for my mom’s arrival and watching as every other girl left with their hot boyfriends. They were all so lovey-dovey; it reminded me of myself whenever Cole had been next to me.
Ugh, how repulsive.
I needed to bury my feelings and love myself more. Maybe then, I could turn a blind eye to the deaths that were bound to happen. I was doing quite well, really. For the most part, I controlled my emotions—just like Gandhi.
Then, Gray appeared and caught me daydreaming. Our eyes rifled through each other.
“Hey, small bean!” he called, waving his arms as if he hadn’t seen me in a while. Before heading toward me, he parted from his giant friends. Gray was already five foot ten inches, tall for his age, but most of his friends were six footers. He was the real small bean. The only muffin in a world full of gorillas.
Rolling my eyes, I shifted my attention back to the cars driving in and out of the campus, away from Gray and his annoying perfection. I convinced myself that I had more important things to do than allow this guy’s future to become my downfall. I didn’t even know when or where it would happen; maybe he was even there to swim, not die. My visions were as vague as God’s plan for my love life.
“Hey there, princess.” Gray sat next to me. He smelled like clean, fresh air. I was so taken back by the strange stirrings of comfort in his smell, that it took me a moment to realize he’d promoted me from a small bean.
I scooted over, leaving a space between us as I tilted, my chin held high and my chest out. “If you’re thinking about flirting with me now that your cousin has dumped me, just give it up …” I sighed, almost as if I were an old woman fed up with life’s battles. “I’m not rich, and I don’t have a car to drive you around like a rich girl. Don’t even think about it. I’ve already been used by a Yoo boy once.”
“I’m actually here to apologize for making you cry the other day, but we can talk about that too,” he said with an optimistic tone. “And by the way, Cole is no longer a Yoo boy.”
“Once a Yoo boy, always a Yoo boy.”
“What makes you so sure that it’s not the Kimbrough blood?” he inquired.
“I’ve seen you date and dump girls, and I’m not your kind of girl. Trust me.”
“Oh yeah?” He chuckled. “What kind of girl are you, Aera?”
“You mean, besides being kinda like the popular mean girl, but not really popular in an advantageous way because I have no friends?”
“Come on, you’re better than that. Keep your head up, small bean. Don’t belittle yourself.”
“You don’t understand.” I sighed. “I’m the one your cousin can’t love.” I chuckled. “Maybe I was too much for him. Maybe my love for him drained him. Cole didn’t say it to my face, but that’s probably what he thinks. I think so too. I think I’m weak because I wear my heart on my sleeve. I bet if I were a sociopath, life would be easier. They seem to always handle things well. Like you guys.”
Gray cleared his throat, and I looked at him, suddenly aware I blabbed too much.
