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Maybe, I think, unable to form the word for fear that it’s not true, that they will come for me in time and all will be well. I can’t afford to get my hopes up, to have any hope at all. Hope doesn’t belong in a place like this. No, only despair and degradation.
“I best get ready, Doc,” I murmur instead, dropping his hand before stepping to the side and around the old man. I’m not sure I can take any more of his kindness without breaking, and I need to shore up my defenses for what’s coming. His sigh is heavy behind me.
“I’ll be back, after. To check on you,” he says, and I can hear his frustration.
“Thank you, Doc,” I reply, opening the bathroom door and shuffling into the cold tile room, turning the light on but avoiding my reflection in the mirror.
My shoulders slump when the outer door clicks open and then shuts, the sound of the lock being engaged making my heart rate pick up in both relief and dread.
Robotically, I turn on the old taps of the shower, pulling aside the stiff curtain then stripping out of my filthy clothes and stepping over the rim of the tub. The hot water washes over my chilled skin, but I can’t enjoy it, can’t even let the mask of numbness drop for a second if it’s going to be thick enough to survive this evening.
Using the sweet, cherry-scented shower gel that was always left for me—the sickly scent making bile rise in my throat—I wash myself thoroughly, cleaning my matted hair too with the shampoo and conditioner. Rufus made sure there were all the things I needed to keep me clean for his men in here, a joke considering they never minded sloppy seconds, thirds, or fifths. I’m guessing by the swelling of the ranks there’ll be a hell of a lot more tonight.
Trying not to think about what’s coming too much, I use one of the threadbare towels to dry myself off once I step out, reaching into the cabinet for the leave-in conditioner and brush. Taking a deep inhale, I face the mirror, trying to avoid looking at anything other than my hair.
Of course, I fail, and a stuttered cry leaves my lips when I take in the yellow and purple bruises on my face and the dark circles around my eyes. But what shocks me the most is the haunted look in my eyes, the normally light blue darkened to more of a washed-out gray. I look into the eyes of a girl who has seen too much, been through too much, and yet still has more to survive.
It’s almost my undoing, but then I remember Aeron’s words.
“We will come for you; I fucking swear it.”
Fuck, I shouldn’t let that kernel of hope take root, but it does regardless, and it’s enough to allow me to go back to brushing the tangles out of my hair until it falls like a damp red curtain, sleek and shiny around me.
Setting the brush down, I step back into the bedroom, looking around the space once again. More scraps of old wallpaper line the walls, and I know without looking too hard that it’s a floral pattern. I’ve studied it enough over the years to have memorized every line by heart and to hate chintz now. There are no curtains; underground rooms don’t need a window, and apart from the bed and a low bedside cabinet that I know is empty aside from a battery-powered lamp, there’s not another lick of furniture in here.
Emerald green flashes as my gaze sweeps past the bed, and I inch closer to see that it’s a see-through lace teddy, no panties. I shudder, my mouth filling with saliva like I’m about to be sick when I realize that my sperm donor bought this for me. He always said that emerald looked best on me, and he likes to dress me up for his men, no matter that one or two of them will rip whatever lingerie I’m forced to wear.
With shaking hands, I reach for the garment, letting the towel drop from around my body to land with a soft sound against the concrete floor. No soft rugs here, easier to clean I suppose. It always surprised me that the bed had fresh bedding on it, crisp and white, but once when Rufus caught me looking, he told me it makes for a nicer experience when you fuck a woman on fresh sheets. I’d wanted to tell him that they were far from fresh when his men had left, although, I guess with the laundrette above us, that’s not really an issue.
I pull the garment over my head, letting the soft fabric slide down my naked body in a gentle caress I doubt any of my visitors will give me.
And then, I wait.
* * *
“Perfect” by My Darkest Days
Knox
We wait.
And wait.
And fucking wait.
The room beyond our prison comes to life, the muffled sounds of conversation going on and telling us that the Soldiers have arrived.
I’m pacing like a caged lion, my blood heating with each turn as we wait for Adam and the Tailors to come get us. Fuck, I hate this. I’m not meant to be caged, my beast roars inside of me at being confined, and it was only somewhat bearable with my Little Bird across from us, but ever since they took her what feels like hours ago, I’ve been slowly reaching boiling point.
“How much fucking longer?” I grumble through clenched teeth, Tarl’s steady breathing exercises he taught me years ago flying out the nonexistent window. My blood continues to heat the longer we stay trapped here, away from her, not knowing what she’s having to go through.
I couldn’t help June, but I’ll be fucked if I let them hurt my bird any more than they already have.
“Soon,” Aeron replies, his own jaw tight and his whole body taut, arms crossed over his chest, face all busted up like the rest of us.
“You’ve been saying that for fucking hours!” I yell, my last fuck flying out of that hidden window as I stride towards him. I can feel my chest heaving, my nostrils flaring as I square up to him. “Where the fuck are they?”
Aeron keeps his cool, he always does, and it has infuriated me for years. I’m the hothead, he’s the one in control, and sometimes, like now for instance, it makes me want to rip his fucking throat out.
