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I bowed my head, in shame at my thoughtless behavior toward him, and shame at breaking every single principle my mother had tried to teach me about not letting a man rule my life.
“I will.” His voice was husky, and he kissed the top of my head. “Stay there. I’m going to turn your chair around.”
With that he tipped my chair back and angled it to face the other one in front of the window. He sat opposite me. He was dressed to kill, wearing an Ermenegildo Zegna bespoke suit, made in London on our last visit. It enhanced his best features: his broad shoulders and narrow waist. Despite my predicament, I had to admire him. Only I didn’t let it show. I kept my face impassive.
“Why do you think I should spank you?”
“I dunno. It was your idea not mine.”
A smile played on his lips for a second before he pressed his mouth into a firm line. “Lord, Sadie! Before we’d even officially met, I knew you had a well-documented history of insubordination and disrespect for authority, but you continue to astonish me with the heights you take it to. Was that really the smartest thing you could say right now?”
“At least I’m not boring,” I offered.
“For the record, you have accepted my leadership well, even better than I expected, in some ways. But, as I explained from our earliest times together, I demand obedience from you if you’re going to share my life. Also, you must know by now that I’m continually raising the bar and will not cut you any slack. Is this clear?”
“Abundantly.”
“And you’re still willing to work in this constantly changing landscape?”
“I am. Pretty much.”
“And be spanked for failure to comply?”
He was starting to piss me off. This long discussion was intended to draw the session out, to worry me even more and build on my anxiety. I just wanted to get past the worst and go have lunch.
“Didn’t I just ask for the damn spanking?” I snapped.
This time he didn’t hide his grin. “Before you add to the penalty, would you like to go through the reasons you are about to be spanked? I want to be assured that you understand why this is happening.”
“Okay,” I sat a little straighter. “I freaked you out by running from the meeting on Sunday night.”
“Correct. And the thing is, I believe your impulsiveness was only partly due to the urgency of the situation. I think you ran out also to prove that you could still be an independent agent when you wanted.”
I shrugged and my breasts shifted slightly. Simon looked at them and grinned.
“Maybe,” I admitted. There was more truth in that statement than I wanted to own.
“Why?” All humor had left his face. He looked earnest, as though he was trying to understand.
“You know why. We already talked about it on Sunday. I thought I was over it, but I wasn’t. Still not. Not completely. Mostly I want to be with you, to be the woman you want.”
I took a breath and continued. “I love you, Simon and when it’s just the two of us, we’re perfect together. We understand each other deeply and in a heartfelt way after only a few months. That’s better than some couples can claim after years of being together. No one—not Mom, not D2—has ever watched over me like you do. I feel cherished and loved in a way I’ve never known before. Yeah, your standards are high, and methods of ensuring they are upheld are stern and unusual, but I’ve come to love you for both those things. So, if we could live on an island with only minimal contact with other people, I wouldn’t worry. But I can’t get past the fact that I don’t fit in your world easily and I’ll probably let you down in horrible and embarrassing ways.”
“Of course you won’t. You need to trust me more. Actually, you need to trust yourself more. And don’t forget, my identity will be forever mixed with yours too. That’s a good thing, not something we want to avoid. Isn’t that the whole point of two people finding each other, to blend two lives into a happier shared one? Do you know why you decided to run out on me?”
“I didn’t run out on you. I left a note.” I wasn’t going to admit he was right.
He made a frustrated sound and rubbed the back of his neck.
I fought to control my rising frustration. “Okay maybe I did leave on my own to prove that I could. I’m a capable adult after all.”
“It’s amazing how you can give the impression of rolling your eyes without actually doing it. I’ve listened to you but I’m still unhappy with your actions. You left me without consultation at a very sensitive time in our relationship. I would never have done that to you. Should you be punished for it?”
“Maybe,” I muttered.
“Maybe will do.” He crossed his left foot to his right knee. “What else?”
I shook my head.
