AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“You don’t believe that,” she says, sadness in her eyes. “I call bullshit.”
“I’m sorry, I know you wanted us to work out. I did too, but I can’t change things. We do love each other, and we said as much, but there’s too much history at this point.”
“But why? What is so bad between you two—with your history, your friendship—that you can’t work through it?”
I run my fingertip over the rim of my coffee cup, debating on if I want to burden her with everything, but I’m dying to talk about it. I know I already opened up to Decker, but maybe my sister will have a different take on things.
“I’ve been in love with her since the second I saw her.” I smile to myself, remembering that night like it was yesterday.
“Yeah, that was pretty obvious.” She laughs.
“Seriously? You knew?”
“Ranger,” she scoffs, “of course I knew. I’m your big sister.”
“Well, needless to say, Dean got to her before I could. He was also in love with her at first sight—I mean, who wouldn’t be? She’s a once-in-a-lifetime kind of woman.” I continue to run my finger in circles around the edge of my cup, my eyes glazing over as I talk. “He was so smitten with her, and from the outside looking in, it seemed like she was too. Dean always had a way with charming the ladies.” I chuckle. “It was like they just kind of fell in sync with each other, and I was always there in the background. I was able to put my feelings aside. I would never try to flirt with her or let her know in any way how I felt. I got pretty damn good at swallowing my feelings, actually.”
“Does she know all that?”
“Yup.”
“So then why aren’t you together?”
“Because I’m fucked up, sis.” I lean back in my chair, dragging my hands over my face. “I can’t seem to work through my own shit. I hate the fact that in order for me to be happy—to end up with my dream girl—it meant that Dean had to die. My best friend had to die so I could spend the rest of my life with his one true love.”
“You can’t think of it like that.” She reaches her hand out, her eyes filled with sadness. “That is so not true or fair, Ranger.”
“No? How else do I see it then? Because while I never wanted my best friend to die, I wasn’t happy swallowing down my feelings forever.”
“So what then? You just give up? You’re not even going to try now that you have the chance to be happy, because you’ve made up some crazy scenario in your head that you’re somehow celebrating that Dean is dead or you’re partially responsible for his death?”
“I don’t expect you to understand, Milly. I know it doesn’t make sense, but it’s how I feel. It’s become this fucked-up thing in my head, and I cannot figure out how to work past it.”
“What was Dolly’s response to all this when you told her?” I finally lift my eyes to look up at my sister. “You didn’t tell her this, did you?”
“I did. I told her I felt shame for being in love with her because of what that meant for Dean. I also told her I could never ask her to move to Texas and start her life over with me down here, when her dad and business are in Colorado. That’s her home. She loves it more than anything, and has told me she never wants to leave.”
“Dean would want you to be happy, Ranger. In fact, he’d probably be so happy that of all people, you’re the one who ended up with Dolly. You know that. You also know it’s not fair or healthy for you to wallow and just swallow your feelings for the rest of your life. You deserve happiness.” She reaches out and takes my hand again. “What else are you not telling me? I know there’s something more hiding behind those eyes.”
She studies me, and I feel like there’s no use hiding from her. She can always see right through my bullshit. When we were kids, she was like a human lie detector test. My parents would send her in to talk to Decker and me when they knew we were lying about something. She got it out of us every single time.
“What if . . .” I hesitate. “What if I’m not enough? What if I break her heart? Selfishly, I don’t know if I can ever measure up to someone’s one true love, their soulmate.”
“I had that same worry about Kent. He was engaged before me, actually. I haven’t told anyone else this, but they were college sweethearts, and it seemed like the perfect fairy tale romance until she broke it off with him. He was devastated—said he thought he would never love again. That made me feel insecure, and I worried he’d always be comparing me to her, or that if she came back around, I’d be history . . . but I decided I wouldn’t let that diminish what he and I had. Then one day, he told me he truly felt like he didn’t know what love was until he met me. He thought he did, and he loved his ex with the capacity he had at the time, but sometimes it takes meeting the right person—the person truly meant for you—to unlock this love inside you that you didn’t even know existed.”
I want to believe what she’s saying. I want to believe, but the thought of losing Dolly again has me so paralyzed by fear and doubt. That’s a loss I don’t think I could ever recover from.
“Just because we have a true love doesn’t diminish the love we felt for others. It also doesn’t mean you can’t have more than one in a lifetime. Ranger, you should be home. Decker is chomping at the bit to be down here, and we both know he could handle it. Even Dad has changed his tune about that. I’m sure he can tell you more when you see him later.”
“He send you down here to tell me that?”
“No, but you belong back in Colorado with Dolly. I’m serious. Just think about it, please?” She stands up, placing her mug in the sink and pushing in her chair.
“I will,” I say, standing up to follow her to the front door.
She reaches down for her purse she left on the bench near the door. “Oh, almost forgot.” She reaches for a white envelope that’s sticking out of her purse and hands it to me. “I ran into Paige before I came down here, and she said to give this to you.”
“Okay,” I say, confused as I reach for it.
