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Since I’ve been home these last few weeks, it feels like I’m in a dream. Every night I go to sleep holding Dolly in my arms, scared that when I wake in the morning, it will have all been a dream.
Decker was instantly ready to pack up and move to Texas. I didn’t even have to ask him twice. He settled in down there without missing a beat, and I owe him an apology for ever doubting he could run things without me.
“Have we decided on how we’re going to tell your parents?” Dolly asks as I help her up into the truck. We wanted to wait until we found out the sex of the baby before we told anyone, and selfishly, we wanted this to remain our little secret for as long as possible, but with Dolly starting to show and Milly’s wedding party happening in a few weeks, we knew someone would catch on soon.
“I figured we’d discuss it together. Did you have something in mind?”
“Not really. I’m okay with it being something as simple as just giving them a cute little onesie that saysGrandma and Grandpaon it at dinner or something. What do you think?”
“I think that sounds perfect.”
“Oh, by the way, I got an offer on my house. Guess who made it?”
I crook an eyebrow at her. “Not a clue.”
“Paige.” She laughs.
“Oh God. You going to accept it?”
She shrugs. “Yeah, why not? She apologized for the letter thing and for trying to get with you after she knew we were together. I think she’s learned a good, hard lesson after all of that. I don’t have any hard feelings toward her. Besides, she offered my asking price, so it’s a win for me.”
After realizing that Paige had taken the letter she left for me on my porch, Dolly approached her and they had a long discussion. She said that Paige was truly apologetic about her behavior, but I told her she was too forgiving. Paige should have come to her, instead of giving the letter to Milly to give to me. Dolly insisted it was water under the bridge, so I didn’t push the issue. The last thing I want to do is add to her stress while she’s pregnant.
I shake my head and laugh. “As long as it gets you into our house so we can get started on this nursery, I’m happy about it. I just want you in my arms and in our bed every night. No moreI’m too tired to drive to the ranch after workbullshit. You know I’ll show up and drag your ass out of the house, toss you over my shoulder, and drive you to the ranch myself.”
“Yes, Ranger, I’m very aware, considering you did exactly that. You need to relax; I’m okay at my own house in my own bed.”
“Well, it’s not your house and your bed anymore, honey. It’s our house and our bed.” I reach my arm along the back of the seat, resting my hand against the back of her neck. “You remember what I said about being a good girl and behaving?”
She turns slightly, looking at me. “Maybe I need a reminder,” she says coyly, that naughty little smirk on her face.
“Mmm, that can be arranged.” I squeeze her neck gently. “Hey, sorry to change the subject, but do you mind if we stop by the cemetery?”
“No, of course not.” She gives me a look that tells me she already knows why.
I pull into the cemetery, shutting off the truck and looking over at her. “You want to join me?”
“Do you want me to or do you need a moment alone?”
“Come with me.” I reach over and squeeze her hand before exiting the vehicle.
We stand in silence at Dean’s grave, hand in hand. I’m not sure what to say. Dolly reaches into her pocket, pulling out the sonogram photo.
“We wanted you to be the first person we shared the happy news with. We’re having a baby girl, and your best friend Ranger is going to be the most amazing and loving daddy. We both miss you.”
I can’t hold back the tears as Dolly wraps her arms around my waist. I look up toward the sky, willing the tears not to fall, but it’s no use. They fall one right after the other in rapid succession.
“I’m going to give you a few minutes alone, baby.” She reaches up on her tiptoes, kissing my cheek before walking back to the truck.
I wipe at the tears, staring down at Dean’s headstone. It feels like a decade of anguish is trying to rip through my chest.
“I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you, man.” My voice catches. “I wish I could have. I never wanted to lose you. I know you’re probably confused because I’m in love with Dolly and we’re having a baby together, but it wasn’t like that. I never wanted to lose you in order for me to be happy.” Part of me feels relief getting this out, while the other part feels like a fool because I know I’m only talking to myself. “You were an amazing friend to me, and I just want you to know that I love you and I know Dolly loved you with her entire heart and being. I feel so much guilt for loving her—for wanting her—but I just keep telling myself that I’ll die to keep her safe and happy. I will spend every minute of my life giving Dolly the life she deserves—the life I know you would want her to have.”
I stand there for several more minutes, staring at the ground in silence, memories from our times together over the years flooding my brain. When I close my eyes, I can still see his smile and the way he’d stick his tongue out when he laughed at something stupid or outrageous. It makes me smile, remembering all the dumb shit we got ourselves into over the years. I let out one more long sigh before turning to head back to the truck, where Dolly is waiting.
* * *
“You ready to do this?”I look over at Dolly.
