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I was determined to be honest with the guys tomorrow, about everything I was feeling about the five of us. I felt confident that they would understand and handle it, but if they couldn’t and they really did what I feared – walked away from me - I knew it would hurt, a lot, but I also knew I’d survive. I had Dad and I had Trent. I was starting to find my bearings in this new life, even though the journey was proving tricky. I was starting to feel a confidence that I could find a new life for myself there, with or without the four guys I was crazy for. I just really wanted it to be with them though.
“You good?” Luca asked as he walked in behind me.
“I will be,” I told him with a nod. I knew I had a long way to go, but I was really starting to believe that maybe, one day, there could be a ‘happily ever after’ in sight for me.
CHAPTER 11
BLAKE
“You sure you’re feeling up to this? You barely slept again last night?” Trent asked as we walked side by side down the street to the twin’s house.
Trent was right – the previous night had been another very long and restless one for me. Every time I closed my eyes one of the horrors of my past would be just waiting there for me to relive. I gave up after I woke the third time that night, this time screaming on top of the gasping and sweating I had been doing the previous times. I had opened my eyes in a panic to find Trent running in for the second time that night, looking exhausted and worried sick. It had been the final straw. I decided being tired was preferable to being traumatised more than I already was, or to waking Trent up with my screams again. He had barely slept for days either because of me.
“I’m sure,” I nodded. “I n-need to speak to them. I’ve been a selfish cow for ignoring them. I know th-they’re worried.”
“It’s not about them, or me, or Dad, or anyone else. It’s about you, tiny. It’s about what you need right now. It’s up to the guys to understand if you need some space. You’re dealing with more than any of us could ever comprehend. Dad and I are willing to do whatever we can to help you, even if that means you want us to get out of your space for a while. The guys all need to be willing to do that too,” Trent said firmly. I knew he was a little pissed off about how pushy the guys had been about seeing me, despite he and my dad both telling them all that I was having a rough couple of days and just needed a little time and space to process. Even when they were supposedly giving me the day I had asked for, they had been texting Trent non-stop to ask about me and how I was doing.
While Trent thought they were being way too over the top and demanding, I kind of got it. If one of the guys had just dropped off of the radar and ignored my calls and texts, I would have been worried sick and done all I could to ensure they were alright.
“They’re just worried, Trent,” I sighed tiredly.
“They’re being overbearing douchebags,” he growled. “You don’t need that shit right now.”
“They care about me. It…it’s nice. I’ve never had that before I c-came here,” I admitted.
“Well, you’ve got it in spades now, short stack,” he told me as he wrapped an arm across my shoulders and pulled me into his side. “No matter what happens with your asshole boyfriends, Dad and I will always care for and protect you.”
“Ditto,” I whispered through the lump forming in my throat. No matter how many times he or Dad said such wonderful words to me, they always had me overcome with emotion. The two of them were more than I ever dared to hope for in my life, and no matter what happened, finding them was the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to me.
“You sure you don’t want me to stay?” He asked as we stopped at the huge iron gates that fronted the Tom and Liam’s place.
“I’ll be fine. The guys and I n-need to have a conversation you really d-don’t want to hear,” I told him.
“Don’t let them push you into anything you don’t feel ready for. You don’t need to rush this thing with them.”
“I know. Actually, I’m going to ask them t-to slow down a little,” I explained with a blush. It was awkward enough to discuss my relationship with him at all, but when that relationship was with his four best mates – yeah, awkward.
“Okay. I’ll just be at home, so you call me if you need me, yeah? I can be here in two minutes,” he reiterated for the third time since we left the house.
“I will.”
“Do not leave this house alone either. If you need to leave, and the guys aren’t walking you for whatever reason, you call me and I’ll come meet you,” he warned. He had tried to convince me to let Luca tag along, but there was no way I wanted anyone else hearing the conversation I needed to have with the guys.
“Promise.”
“And if you start to feel anxious or…”
“Trent,” I cut him off. “I’m okay. I c-can handle this.”
“I know you can,” he agreed with a nod. He punched the code into the little box on the wall beside the gates, then stepped back as they started to roll open. “In you go then. Call me if you need me.”
I knew he was worrying and who could blame him after my two full days of melt downs? He and Dad had been with me throughout, witnessing the numerous times my anxiety took a grip of me, and pulling me back every time.
That morning, though I was tired, I was feeling much more even. The guys had been too busy for us to get together the day before – Grey on shift the only time the twins were free. So we had agreed to wait until today to meet. They hadn’t been too happy about us going another day without seeing each other, but it worked out quite well for me. It gave me time to start the new pills, which Lisa had switched for me, and that switch, or the small amount of sleep I had gotten, had seemed to help me get a grip on my own thoughts and emotions. On the whole I was feeling much more balanced.
Trent, Dad, and I had spent the day before, and most of that day too, laid out in the living room, watching a box set we had all gotten into. It had been perfect and I had felt better having them both with me, even if I did feel a little guilty that they were both taking time from work to be with me.
“Will do. Thanks Trent,” I said as I gave him a full, genuine smile. He nodded and smiled in return, then turned to walk back to our house.
