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“The thought crossed my mind.”
“Mine, too. Remember, Sarah stabbed me in one of her night terrors, so I feel ya, man.” He pushed off the bag, but I stabilized myself by holding it. “What are you gonna do?”
“Hell if I know.” Deep down I knew what I needed to do, but what Iwantedto do was go over there and make everything right.
I loved her. No doubt there. In my sick, deluded mind, I’d marry her, she’d come live here, then eventually we’d get our own place and figure it out.
Didn’t matter that I didn’t know what I was gonna do for a living. How I’d take care of her. Didn’t matter that mybrotherswould always be looming over me.Nothingmattered but being with Lizzie.
But I was living in a fantasy world. I knew it, but didn’t want to believe it.
“We could go see Walker,” Drey said. His voice was closer, but I didn’t let go of the bag. Didn’t feel like orienting myself to my surroundings. Figuring out where to go to get to the bench.
I’d been in this workout room at Drey’s plenty of times, but right now, I wanted to disappear. My black eye was pulsing, my ribs were sore, and my jaw ached like a bitch. But I was sick of sitting around my place trying to figure out what I should do about this situation.
“What would we say to Walker?”
“You said those guys didn’t buy that you were blind. Hell, sometimes I forget. But we’ve got to show him personally. You’re no threat to him. That’s the key.”
“Like with you.”
“I haven’t told anyone shit, well, maybe Bill, but you know that’s safe.”
“Can Bill help me out?”
“He’ll do anything for you, kid.” Drey socked my shoulder. “We all will. You know that, right?”
“You put yourself back in the line of fire by ripping those guys off me. You know that, right?”
“Fuck ’em.” Drey pounded the bag. “So sick of them ruling things. When it gets back to Walker that I yanked you out of there, he’ll be fine with it. You and I are brothers. Loyalty is his thing, so we’ll play that.”
“What if I agree to stay away from his territory. And Raymond’s. I didn’t even know I was down there. Should have realized it and told Lizzie we couldn’t go.” I pounded my forehead against the bag. “She shouldn’t have to deal with restrictions like that. It’s not fair to her.”
“Damon—”
“No. She just got her life going. She’s in college. Making friends. I’m holding her back, man.”
“Feels like that, I know, but—”
“No buts. I am. I’m not only holding her back, I’m dragging her down. She was fine before she got mixed up with me.”
“She sat with you the entire time you were asleep. Every day, Damon. That means something.”
“That she’s a saint. That’s what it means.” With my arm out I shuffled to where I thought the bench was that had my towel and water bottle. I heard Drey move, but I waved him off. “I got this.”
“I can see why Raymond thought you weren’t blind for a second there.”
I found the bench and fumbled around until I found my water bottle.
“This sucks. Not fair, you know?”
“Think about it first before you do anything rash. Lizzie’s tough. She’s good for you. She—”
“I know. I know.” I reached out for him and smacked his thigh. “Don’t worry. I’m not gonna flip out and go binge again. Well, maybe I’ll drink a few beers.”
“No. I’m just sayin’ it could work. Look at me and Sarah.”
“That shit was messed up, man.” I took a swig from my bottle of water. “Right now, I need a shower, then maybe I’ll drink a few beers while listening to the game.”
