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Malcolm pacedthe floor of his office as Logan and I stood rigidly in the middle of the room. A vein throbbed menacingly on his forehead and he kept stopping to talk before deciding against it and resuming his pacing.
‘I want to leave, find work somewhere else,’ I said, knowing working for them and being so close, watching Esther married to Harold, it would kill me.
‘I’m still deciding whether you need a bullet between the eyes.’ Malcolm fixed me with a hard stare. ‘I should have your bollocks off for daring to touch my daughter.’
His threats skimmed over me, too emotional to care if he followed them through. ‘You can’t force me to stay here.’
‘I bloody well can. You’re handy with a knife, but you won’t get far before my men would be in here and filing you with lead. We have spent years getting you to where you are. My boys have taken you under their wing lately, and this is how you’ll thank them? Fucking their sister and then ditching them?’
His words hurt. All I’d wanted was to be one of them. To be accepted by the tight-knit family and to feel like I belonged. Even as I tried to reject them, that little boy deep inside my soul longed to grasp onto any smidgen of attention they might give on me.
‘It wasn’t like that.’
‘What was it like, Alec? Did you think she loved you? Did you think you two could waltz back in here hand in hand and that Harold would just roll over and give her up? He’ll never stop trying until he has what he wants.’
Malcolm lashed out and sent an ornament flying off of his desk, the metallic object splintering a chair leg as it connected. Logan flinched and looked at his father wide-eyed. ‘Do you think I want this? I love her. She’s my daughter and I don’t want to see her given over to him any more than you do. But I’ve lost too much. She might suffer, but no more than she might have with any man she married. At least she knows going into it. She’ll have all the wealth she could want, be able to travel the world and buy anything she desired. There are worse positions to be in.’
He rounded on me, pointing a finger in my direction and jabbing it into the air. You will not fuck this up for me. You hear? What do you have to offer her? Your skills at torturing information out of people? You have nothing other than what I provide for you. Nothing!’
His words burned through me like acid, leaving sharp pains seething inside. I had nothing to offer her. My love had been enough when we were in limbo, but in the real world, what did I have? A shitty three bed house in a rundown suburb of Glasgow. A job that paid enough to keep me fed and kept the mortgage paid. Nothing like the lifestyle she had been brought up with.
‘You’re right,’ I sighed, sitting hard on the edge of a table and running my hand over my face. Logan rested his hand on my shoulder, squeezing lightly as Malcolm nodded.
‘Good. You needed to accept that before I could keep you here. Thank you for finding her and bringing her home.’
Malcolm made for the door, his fingers gripping the handle as he turned back to fix me with a stare. ‘I’m going to let it go this once, but if you even lay a hand on any of my children again, I will flay you alive.’
Logan slumped down next to me as we sat in silence, the whirlwind of events making me feel nauseated. Minutes ticked by before either of us spoke.
‘I wish it was you she was marrying,’ Logan said softly, looking straight ahead. ‘I’d have liked for you to be my brother in a more formal way. You’d be good for Esther, you know?’
His kind words hurt almost as much as Malcolm’s harsh ones. ‘Thanks. I’ve fallen for her hard. I don’t know what to do.’
‘Just keep your head up. Someone’s going to kill Harold one of these days. Maybe you’ll both get another chance. If you can wait for her.’
Wait for her. Could I? My pulse quickened at the thought, but my brain hit me with a dose of reality. Waiting would be nothing but pain. Watching from afar as she bruised beneath his hands, as she sat beside him while he pawed at her, at her pain-filled eyes and wanting to reach out for her. To protect her. I wasn’t strong enough to do it. Yet another failure.
‘I can’t,’ I breathed, my lungs feeling like they were constricting as my chest tightened.
‘It’s okay. It’ll all be okay.’
THIRTY-FIVE
ESTHER
The days passed by slowly as I waited in my apartment cell. It may have been far more opulent than an actual prison, but I was every bit as confined.
I stood on the small balcony, as I had done every evening for the past week, and thought earnestly about throwing myself down to the bustling road below. The fall would likely kill me but if I timed it right so that I fell infant of a truck, I could almost guarantee my death.
I didn’t want to die.
It was preferable to marrying Harold, though. There was only one week left until I had to walk down the aisle and promise myself to him. The plans were finalised, escape all but impossible.
My father hadn’t even intervened when Harold had struck me in front of him. I’d been abandoned.
A biting wind rushed over my face as I stepped closer to the rails, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. My stomach lurched as I gripped the railings, ready to do it this time, to throw myself over and end it all. But Maeve’s sweet face flashed in my mind. Killing myself would only put her back in my shoes. Only perpetuate the situation. It would make my coming back at all utterly worthless.
I missed Alec. I needed to crawl into his lap and have him soothe my fears, have him kiss me until I forgot my name. I needed him to take over and let me escape my mind while I gave everything over to him. A choked sob caught in my throat as I pictured him smiling at me, that cocksure grin lighting up his features. He’d been ready to fight for me when no-one else would, even though I’d fucked things up for him.
