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“Dammit,” Killion said to himself as he left the gym in Watermark Tower, staring at his phone screen checking all the security feeds. “It’s like you know I’m chasing you.”
He’d spent the better part of an hour searching the building for Rainy and the babies, seeing her in various spots on the cameras, only to get there and find she’s already gone. It was the ultimate game of hide-and-seek, only the one hiding didn’t even know she was playing. The elevator pinged, and he was about to get on when he caught a motion alert in another part of the floor he was already on. He let the elevator go and watched as the feed loaded on his screen, and he had a live view of what he was looking for. His family.
“Gotcha.” He tucked the phone away and headed to the other side of the floor he was on and straight into the atrium.
The atrium was best described as a multi-story indoor garden complete with multiple water features and a small playground for the families in the building to enjoy. The walls were mostly glass with views of an outdoor park and the waterfront but only those inside could see out. No one could see in. The space was massive and maze like, he hunted everywhere for her.
When he rounded the last corner, taking him back to where he started, he saw her. She’d taken a seat on a wood bench tucked under some wax leaf-looking tree with intertwined branches canopying above her sprinkled with drapes of tiny bell-like flowers that somehow grew inside their enormous greenhouse-like space. Rainy had the stroller parked next to her while she stared outside and watched the world go by.
It broke him to see her in such a way. After all she’d been through, she had to feel trapped. Imprisoned. Kept. For all he knew, it was triggering her in ways none of them could fully recognize or understand. But alas, it was for her safety and that of their children. Killion leaned on a tree trunk and took her in. The occasional smile for the babies or subtle rocking of the stroller to comfort them –– it all impressed him. Despite her setbacks, albeit temporary, she’d stepped into the role of motherhood effortlessly.
It was as though she’d been born to be their mother, and he was in awe because it didn’t come so easily to him. Despite the endless research and buying anything and everything recommended by anyone, qualified or not, to make parenting easier… it wasn’t. At least not for Killion. It was the most challenging thing he’d ever done. Sure, he had about an hour to prepare for fatherhood, but even with all the help while still in the NICU, he floundered. It was quickly made clear to him that he was embarking on a two-person job, and he wouldn’t be captain of the team.
Rainy praised him for bringing the babies to her daily at the hospital, then the rehab center, after the twins were released from the hospital. She thought he was making an incredible sacrifice and grand gesture so she could bond with their babies and have time with them, but in reality, he was learning from her. Learning things books and the internet couldn’t teach. As he stood in the shadows and watched her, he realized that thing was love. Only recognized it now because of his conversation with Wit and Ayelish.
Sure, he loved his children, but he was leading and raising them by the book with routines, perfectly timed feedings, and diaper changes, and making sure tummy time wasn’t too long but just enough. He led with his mind rather than his heart because it was logical and reasonable… measurable even. But if anything had been made abundantly clear to him, it was that love isn’t measured. It isn’t perfectly timed. It wasn’t on a schedule. Sure, it had structure, but even the grandest structures were built to be flexible against the greatest storms. His logic had suddenly sunk to a space and become a matter of the heart instead.
He still had a lot to learn. Was moving forward with her –– as a partner or co-parent, time would tell –– about tearing down when he’d built or simply rewiring it and finding a way to blend who he’d been and who he wanted to be for them? While watching her, he noted the sadness in her eyes and weak smile as she looked down at their babies, and he knew he was responsible for it. She’d been crying. It pained him to know he was capable of hurting someone in such a way and hoped he could somehow undo it. The guilt that provoked was more than he could swallow.
He couldn’t take the distance any longer and went to her. It was time to right all the wrongs and fix what was broken, which was mostly him, at least in his mind. The fear would have to sit on the sideline for now because there wasn’t room for it –– not now –– now all he wanted was to go to her and start over.
As he approached, the familiar sound of their son’s voice caught her attention first. As she reached for him, she startled when she saw Killion headed straight for her. He saw her look him up and down followed by a frown, and he suddenly felt uneasy. Looking down at himself, he searched for anything that might be off putting. A spot of formula, his shoe untied, maybe his zipper was down. Nothing. The closer he got, the more anxious he became and the more amused her stare became.
“Wh-what’s all this?” she asked, still stuck somewhere between confusion and maybe amusement.
He held his arms out exposing two baby nursing pillows hooked on one arm with a folded blanket tossed over his shoulder and a basket in the other hand.
“I was looking for you,” he said, setting the basket on the ground, followed by the pillows. “This is a good spot.”
Rainy looked around, landing her stare outside where families were gathering on the sandy waterfront beaches and grassy plain with the boardwalk running between the two with the golden rays of a promising sunset beamed behind them. “It’s a beautiful view. I love the waterfront. I love it in here, I hope it’s okay we’re in here.”
“It’s nice,” he said, laying out the blanket in front of her and earning another awkward glance. “No one really uses this space. It’s peaceful. That’s why I like it. Great place to think.”
“I can see why. I can use a good thinking place too.” She chuckled as he knelt and straightened the thick plaid blanket followed by placing the babies pillows just so, right next to each other. “Okay, seriously. What are you doing?”
He extended his hand over the area. “I thought maybe we could have a picnic.”
Her brow shot up in surprise.
“I, uh… know you’d probably rather be outside walking the babies and enjoying the fresh air…”
“Oh, Killion. I understand why we can’t. It isn’t safe.”
“Right. But I didn’t want you to feel… you know. Stuck or trapped so I thought we could have a picnic. Here. In the building. Everything is new for you today. Being here, with the babies all day. New routine. Thought you might be hungry or at least need a snack. It’s easy to lose track of time and miss a meal tending to these two.” He shrugged and reached for the basket. “I followed you all over the place with the cameras and found you here already.”
“You planned a picnic in here?”
“Well, I thought we could have a picnic wherever you wanted, though the rooftop is being used. I figured this spot was the next best thing, and you’re already here.”
“Maybe it’s a sign.” She smiled.
“A sign for what?” he asked.
“Sign for a picnic?”
“Right.” He nodded, looking around. “This is a picnic.”
Rainy giggled. “I guess I meant to say, my timing was good. It worked right into your plan.”
