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“She is special.”
“But you need to help her feel that. All she knows is you were upset with her, and now you’re just going through the motions, a routine, and you tucked her into it.”
“Make her feel special.” Killion nodded.
“Don’t overthink it. You made her feel special before,” Ayelish shared. “Just… do that.”
“It was different then. It wasn’t so heavy. I know so much more now. And there are babies in the mix.”
“You know her past. That’s what you mean.” Ayelish sounded disappointed. “And if you did back then? Would you have treated her differently?”
“Probably,” Killion admitted. “I would have been… more careful. Maybe slower… with… certain… things.”
“You mean the abuse? The trauma she survived.” Wit chimed in. “That doesn’t change a thing. It’s honorable that you want to be sensitive to what she’s been through, but don’t you think she would have been all in if it was holding her back? You would’ve known if you were triggerin’ somethin’. Same holds true now.”
“She’ll let you know when you need to be careful with her. Trust her to communicate that with you. Things wouldn’t have gotten as far as they did between you two if there were… obstacles. She wouldn’t have gotten so close to you,” Wit said. “We’re trained to handle trauma vics a certain way, but we’re also trained not to take their choices away from them any more than they already have been. Don’t take this choice away from her.”
“What choice is that?” Killion asked.
“You. She chose you.” Wit got right to the point. “So choose her.”
“How do I do that?”
Ayelish smiled. “The same way you did before.”
Killion nodded and took to his feet. “She’s been hurt enough, and I don’t want to hurt her.”
“Then just love her,” Wit said.
Killion headed for the door to head inside, but not before he stopped and kissed his sister on the head and slapped Wit on the shoulder. Affection was typically uncomfortable for Killion, but he was learning, evolving, changing.
“I’m really sorry about the wedding, by the way,” he said, scanning the space still decorated with fresh florals and candles still in place among the swags of satin and woody vines. “It’s really beautiful up here.”
“Don’t be sorry, man,” Wit said. “This was our decision, and we want everyone there. We’ve waited this long. What’s a few more days?”
“You think we’ll have it wrapped that quickly?” Killion asked.
“If my blushin’ –– and very pregnant –– bride has anything to do with it,” Wit teased. “In the meantime, I ordered in a special dinner to enjoy up here instead of a weddin’ cake.”
Ayelish gasped with surprise and melted in Wit’s arms, which prompted Killion to make his exit inside and head for the elevator.
“Special dinner,” Killion said to himself, waiting for the elevator. “Hmm.”
He stepped on the elevator and couldn’t help but chuckle as the doors closed, and Wit and Ayelish disappeared in the distance. Killion was doused in wisdom by Wit, of all people, and he was grateful for it. He couldn’t help but feel an ounce or two lighter as he considered the words, ideas, and realities. Sure, it was complicated and he had a lot to process, but for the first time in a very long time, Killion could see the light. Life was making sense again. He wasn’t overthinking, he was simply being, and somehow that made the rest seem easier to navigate.
Killion didn’t have the answers yet, at least not all of them, but he had a plan, and it was simple. Just love. Just be. Just enjoy. Control what he could and work on the stuff he couldn’t. To say it would be challenging was an understatement, but it was doable. It would take time and a lot of patience with himself, but it seemed possible.
For the first time in months, Killion felt in control –– mostly of his feelings. They weren’t complicated like he’d assumed. They were simple. He was scared because love was messy. He walked in fear because the unknown was frightening. But knowing what he wanted and to have the freedom to pursue it made that fear less and less crippling.
Weeks and months of searching for answers –– reading books, researching online, trying to find an algorithm that would solve his problems and coming up with nothing was frustrating, but he had the answer now, and it wasn’t something he could find in a book or buried in a website somewhere. Matters of the heart were answered more simply, with love. Love from others and love for others. In this case, it was Wit, and maybe even his sister, who helped him through what he couldn’t find anywhere else, and it all came down to the simplest of things. Love.
The elevator dinged, alerting him that he’d arrived at his floor, and he couldn’t help but smile. Unsure where to start, at least there was now a guide in place, so to speak, that he could refer to while making the adjustments he needed to in order to be the best version of himself for his family. This was the part of life that didn’t come easily to Killion. In fact, it was damn hard, but he had a new lease on it and was ready to do the work. He’d worry about the outside threats tomorrow because today, he wanted to love.
When he entered the apartment, it was dark and quiet. Killion first went to the nursery to check on the twins, who he assumed were still napping, but he found it dark and empty. That fear began to nag, and there was a familiar tingle down his neck as those fine hairs stood at attention like a sixth sense. Quickly moving to Rainy’s room, he knocked first, then burst through the door only to find it too was dark and empty. He searched the rest of their home, even checking the balconies to no avail.
Killion’s heart sank, and his pulse raced as sweat began to bead at his brow and trickle from his sideburns. She was gone. They were gone. And he was scared.
13
