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I watch her leave the office, and for the first time in my life, I feel real fear. I’m losing someone who means the world to me and I’m powerless to stop it.
I sit and watch her through the camera for the rest of the afternoon. It’s as though I want to memorize every detail of her. She keeps her head down and averted for the most part and I suspect she is crying. That gives me no solace. I don’t want to be the source of her tears and sadness.
When it’s the end of the work day, I watch as she packs her bag. I have already arranged for another officer to take her home. I see the surprise on her face when he turns up at the door. She looks briefly at the camera as though she knows I’m watching her. Then she takes her bag and leaves.
I give her a half hour head start before I leave so I don’t run the risk of running into them in the parking garage. When I arrive home, the house feels eerily empty. I look at the box which caused all of this.
I drag my leaden feet up the stairs. I find a duffel bag and pack the things she had taken to my house. But I leave a few of the T-shirts I love and the cut-offs that she always wore. I take a few deep breaths as her peachy scent overwhelms me. I sigh and lie on the bed, suit and all. I stare up at the dark ceiling. I cannot even think straight. I feel empty. I feel cold. I feel alone. I take another deep breath and let it out slowly. I’m alone.
I’m not sure how much longer I lie there. But eventually, I get up and take a shower. I make a sandwich. As I eat, I look at the box again. The damage is already done so there is no sense in putting the box away again. I grab the box along with the hammer and nails and go to the living room.
It’s almost midnight before I have every picture hung the way I want it to be. It’s a reminder of my punishment. I have no picture of Sidney, and never will. I stare at the blank space briefly before closing my eyes and turning away, forcing my thoughts back to the present. It’s over with Sidney. And there’s nothing I can do about it.
Chapter fifteen
Sidney
I’mstillfeelingshell-shockedafter my conversation with Archer. All day I stewed and painted him as the villain. But that afternoon when he’d given his side, I felt awful. I want to hate him. But all I can think of is the anguish of a father who wants to help his child. He’d tried to hide it but I heard the pain in his voice when he spoke about getting Grant into rehab.
After leaving his office, I did a lot of thinking. And I’d been hoping to talk to him on the way home. But when I saw Jeffery turn up as my driver, my heart dropped. And it serves me right. After all, I’d been the one to set the parameters. But there’s a tiny part of me that wonders if I’ve done the right thing. I don’t know what I wanted his response to be. But the agreement is not it. There had been no emotion when he responded either, and it cut me to the core. I guess I’m that disposable.
I hold my tears back as I walk past Tony in the lobby.
“Hi, Sidney! Maria sent these for you.”
I force a smile and take the package he hands to me. I see him stare at me briefly, and for a split second, I think he’s going to say something. I know that if he does, I’ll fall apart. But he remains silent as he escorts me upstairs. The first tear falls as I close the door behind me.
I message Michelle and ask her to come over to my apartment before I go into a complete meltdown. I haven’t seen her since that fateful night at the club. But we have spoken every day except yesterday. Yesterday, I was still in shock. She’d been elated when I told her about moving in with Archer. But now that she’s being summoned tomyapartment, I know she’ll have questions.
I take a quick shower and get some dinner started. By the time she arrives, I’m a little more composed. But as soon as I see her face, I break down all over again.
“Awww. Come on, sweetheart. Tell mama Michelle all about it.”
“Grant is his son!”
“What!?”
I nod rapidly. “Yup.”
“But how? Grant is Duncan. He’s Colleymore.”
“Grant took his mother’s name when he turned eighteen. It was awful, Michelle. One minute I was getting juice and heading back to bed, the next there was Grant’s picture, looking up at me from a box of family photos by the kitchen door. I ran so fast! I still don’t know how I made it over the wall.”
“Wait. What?” Her mouth hangs open for a second, “You jumped a wall? Start from the top and leave nothing out.”
She pulls me to the couch and I lay my head on her lap. I tell her all I can remember about how good the two weeks were. I'm near tears again when I get to how things unfolded yesterday morning.
“And the thing is, Mich, I was really beginning to think there could’ve been some sort of future for us.”
“Why can’t there be?”
I sit up and look at her. “You’re joking, right?”
“No. What’s stopping you and Archer from having something? And don’t say Grant. Your era with him has ended.”
“But he’s Grant’sfather, Michelle. It’s not some random older man. He’s my ex-boyfriend’sfather. I can’t continue to live with him and sleep in his bed knowing that.”
“Sidney, you and Archer are adults. You love him, and he loves you—”
