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“Love is a very strong word.”
She fans me off quickly. “Oh please! Even a blind man can see that you guys are head over heels for each other. Girl, I saw how he took care of you that night at the club.”
“He was being my bodyguard,” I argue.
“Of course he was. And I’m a natural brunette. Sidney, he looked at you like you were his woman, not his client. Trust me, even if you refuse to admit it to each other, actions speak louder than words. I think you should give him another chance. Besides, I’m sure Archer, by your own confessions, has been veryverygood to you in terms of intimacy. I haven’t heard you complaining.”
My cheeks grow hot and Michelle laughs. “You’re incorrigible.”
“And you’re one satisfied woman.”
We both have a good laugh. Then we grow serious.
I sigh. “Michelle, what am I going to do?”
“Do you really want to know?”
“I really want to know.”
“I think you should give him another chance.”
I roll my eyes. “I knew you were going to say that.”
“Archer is a good man. He treats you right and he can protect you. And you’ve said yourself that you’re good intimately, not that intimacy is the foundation of a relationship. But I think you both have enough ingredients to make a real relationship work. Age is just a number when it comes to love.”
“There you go using that word again.”
“It is what it is. But let’s change the subject. I know I saw Tony out in the hall so I know what you’re hiding somewhere in this apartment. Where are they?”
I allow her to change the subject and we enjoy Maria’s cookies. We watch a movie before she decides to leave. I want to ask her to stay but I remain silent. My heart sinks as the silence echoes. I replay Michelle’s suggestion. But there is no way I’m going to do that. I’ve already made my decision and I’m not going to crawl back to Archer to ask him if we can give our relationship another try. Looking back at this afternoon, I now know that I spoke hastily and in the heat of my emotions. And I regret every word.
I sit in bed and look around. My eyes get misty and tears begin to flow again. I realize that Michelle is right on one point and it scares the crap out of me. I have (yikes) ‘feelings’ for Archer. I dare not put a name to it. But in my heart, I know. And I intend to do nothing about it as I’m still stuck on the point of having dated and lived with his son.
I check my windows and doors, brushing away the tears that refuse to stop. I climb into bed and a gnawing loneliness grips me as I think about being at Archer’s. I would give anything to feel his arms around me. Just that would be enough. No kiss, no lovemaking, nothing. Just his arms around me.
The stark reality that I may never experience that again hits me, and it breaks me completely. It feels as though I’m crying for hours. It’s the middle of the night before I finally fall asleep.
I try to open my eyes the next morning and they feel as though someone hasn’t only dumped sand directly into my eyeballs but they’re weighed down with a ton of bricks.
The phone rings and it feels like a thousand jackhammers pounding on my head. I check to ensure that it is not Archer and am relieved to see that it’s Michelle.
“Hello?” I croak.
“I’m just checking up on you. You sound like hell.”
“I feel like it.” I go to the bathroom and examine my face in the mirror. Just as I suspected. It is puffy and swollen. “Hold on, Mich.” I put the call on speaker mode.
I grab a washcloth and wet it with cold water, then press it to my eyes and face. I sniff in an attempt to relieve my stuffy nose.
“Seriously now, Sidney. You actually sound sick. Do you want me to come over?”
“Nah. I just need some aspirin to get rid of this headache.” Hunting through the medicine cabinet, I find a pack, then take the phone to the kitchen. I down the tablets and head back to bed.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come over, Sidney? I can be there in a flash.”
“I won’t be good company. I’ve gone back to bed actually.”
“Ok. Good. At least you’re going to get some rest. Call me when you wake up, okay? I’m here for you.”
