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Chapter Thirty-Nine
Maggie
The void inside meaches. It’s nagging keeps me from sleeping, makes food taste bland, weighs down my body until it’s painful to move.
It’s late. I know I won’t sleep. It’s too quiet. Everything is too still. I hate being alone with my thoughts tonight. Everyone keeps texting asking how I’m doing. Elizabeth wants to know if I’m coming down with something. Do I need to see a doctor?If only she knew.There’s nothing wrong with me other than being a hateful, jealous bitch of a sister. I’ve been pacing for an hour, stopping every few minutes to stare in the direction of Declan’s apartment – toward the comfort only he can provide.
I’m going to regret this, but I have to stop this ache inside me. I have to quiet the noise in my mind.
I slip across the hall. Before I can chicken out, I knock on Declan’s door. He opens it a minute later, his face full of worry.
“You okay? Why didn’t you text? I would have come over.”
“Can I come in?”
He doesn’t mask his surprise but moves out of the way, so I can enter. After he shuts the door, we both stand in the entry way awkwardly.
“Um, come on in.” He motions toward his living room.
“I didn’t wake you, did I?”
He shakes his head. “I was still up.”
There’s a computer open at the kitchen table. He walks over and shuts it. “What’s up?”
My heart is pounding. I don’t know how to say this. We’ve fucked more times than I can remember, but I feel so awkward standing here, about to beg him for sex.
“Maggie.”
I swallow and then say, “I need you to make me feel something other than I’m feeling right now.”
He baulks slightly. I lock eyes with him and step closer. “Please Declan. Please.”
I shut my eyes for a moment. “All I can think about is everything that’s wrong, and it’s eating me alive from the inside. I can’t sleep. I just need...”
I open my eyes and say, “a distraction.”
I watch his throat bob and then he grabs the back of his neck. “Maggie...I don’t know. Things have gotten messy.”
