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“I’ll drink to that,” I said. After the past week without Emmett’s smile or his big strong arms, I’d drink to just about any damn thing.
“What the hell?” Madison stood in the doorway wearing a scowl. “I graciously get food for this planning party and you bitches start drinking without me? Rude.”
Kat waved off her words and poured another glass. “We were just drinking to the fact that Vanessa is here.” I let the lie slide, figuring Kat had her reasons.
Madison’s gaze found mine and her brows rose in surprise. “Are you back or are you just here for planning?”
Kat choked on her drink and Maisie tried—and failed—to stifle a laugh, while I just stared back, shocked at her blunt question.
“You don’t hold back, do you?”
Madison shrugged and set four bags on the side table. “I have issues so I don’t have to, and I don’t want to get used to having you around if I shouldn’t. So?”
Well damn, so much for keeping a low profile. Madison had put me on the spot, but I didn’t want to answer. When it became clear I’d find no allies in Kat or Maisie, I decided to try another tactic.
“Is Bonnie coming?”
The room fell quiet at the question, but the tension in the air told me their attention had been effectively diverted to someone else.
“No, she’s not coming,” Sadie answered, her words quiet and steely. I nodded before burying my face in another drink.
“So,” Madison began again. “You and Emmett. That’s why you ran off.”
“I thought this was a party to plan Maisie’s bachelorette party,” I insisted with a small, but totally dignified, whine.
“We have a ton of food,” Madison said and held up a finger, “and a well-stocked booze cabinet. We have all day.”
She was right. It wasn’t even dark yet. “Fine,” I sighed and fell back against the plush sofa. I swallowed a shot of whiskey straight from the bottle, wiped my lips and shot back another one.
“Emmett told me he loved me. I freaked out and ran away, and I haven’t heard from his since.” That was the abbreviated version of events but they had all the important details. “Pretty sure I screwed it all up.”
That was hard to admit, but Emmett hadn’t come to me, hadn’t reached out to talk. He’d only shown up to act as my bodyguard once in a while, never saying a word. Never offering a smile. Just his silent, unwavering protection.
“Why did you freak out?” Madison’s question was genuine, a reminder of just how young she actually was in experience.
“I don’t know. I mean it’s too soon to love somebody else, isn’t it? I don’t even know how I feel, never mind how to express it.”
The only thing I knew was that I missed Emmett. A lot.
Sadie lit up a joint, took two long pulls before she handed it across the table to me.
“It’ll never feel right to move on, not when you thought your life was all mapped out with another man in the leading role. You just have to push through it.”
I mulled over Sadie’s words. Was that my problem? “That seems so silly, though. I can’t move on because Emmett isn’t Lance?”
Sadie shrugged. “Grief doesn’t make sense. “I grieved for a long time over a man who didn’t deserve it. But his face was the one I imagined getting older beside mine, bouncing my grandchildren on his knee. It’s hard to see yourself having that same happy ending with a different man.”
It was hard to see Emmett’s face in dreams where Lance’s once had been. “Is that why you never remarried, Sadie?”
She let out a bitter laugh. “No. I was worried that I’d have the same future I would’ve had with Colm and that thought scared the fuck out of me. So I closed myself off to the possibility of anything more than physical satisfaction. Now, I’m not even sure a man could handle me.”
She shrugged and accepted the joint once again after Maisie passed and Kat took one puff and handed it back.
“That’s bullshit, Ma. You just need a strong man.” Kat put a hand on her mother’s knee. “You’ve spent so long being an independent badass, using and discarding men, that I think you’ve forgotten how to just be a woman in love.”
Madison snorted. “Love is totally overrated. Men are nothing but dogs, and I, for one, am just grateful that between Glitz and Vegas, there are enough sex shops and clubs to keep me satisfied until I’m too old to care about it.”
Maisie and Kat looked at each other and smiled before they turned their gazes to Madison.
“Wait until you fall,” they said at the same time before dissolving into laughter.
Madison frowned and that had me joining in on the laughter because the girl really had no idea. Falling in love was wonderful, it was an amazing, intoxicating experience, and I was lucky enough to do it twice.
