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“Anyway,” Nate continues, and I wait for him to rib the almost newlyweds again, “the struggle was real for Jaybird, but he listened to his heart, and so did Beck, and I could not be happier for these two.”
Wow. There was no ribbing. That was all heartfelt, and the drum in my chest beats louder. I’m so happy for my friends, finding their forever.
As we lift our glasses, I catch another glimpse of Tanner. He missed the sauce spot. After he drinks some champagne, then sets down the glass, I lean in to whisper, “Still there, baby.”
He tenses, but then his lips twitch in a hint of a grin.
He lifts the napkin once more, but I take it from him and dab the corner of his lips.
“Thanks,” he says, barely audible.
When I hand him the napkin and look up, Jason’s staring at me, then at Tanner. Questions flash in his eyes.
Oh, shit.
Did everyone see that? Did I break our rules to behave like cold turkeys?
But it’s only Jason watching. Everyone else is chatting, going on about their business.
I breathe a little easier as Zane remarks about the innkeeper being a friend, then Gunnar comments on how much he digs the amenities at the B&B, then Beck chimes in with, “I’m glad we found a place just for friends tonight.” Apologetically, he meets Tanner’s gaze. “But I’m sorry there weren’t enough rooms.”
“It’s no big deal,” Tanner says evenly.
“Yeah, we’re cool,” I add.
See? Look at that, Tanner. I can do the friends thing, no problem. I’m not breaking the cold turkey rules.
“And the hot tub at the inn is nice,” Jason adds, his eyes twinkling.
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Nate asks.
“Fortunately, I can’t read your mind,” Jason deadpans, “or we’d all know about the last time you did something in a hot tub.”
“Gentlemen,” Gunnar cuts in with his raspy voice. “Sounds like a game of never have I ever is in order. Don’t worry. I’ll start the fun.” He clears his throat theatrically. “Never have I ever sucked a dick.”
Everyone snorts and takes a drink.
“And this is when it’s great to get a participation trophy,” I say.
Tanner laughs.
“Never have I ever taken a dick,” Gunnar adds, then guzzles.
Next to him, Rafe just chuckles, but doesn’t drink. Gunnar leans into his dude and smacks a loud kiss to his cheek. “I know, you toppy mofo. I know,” he says, as everyone else drinks.
Gunnar lifts his glass again, apparently unstoppable. “Never have I ever eaten ass.”
Everyone raises a glass. Everyone drinks. I sneak a peek at Tanner, imagining that mouth and those lips and that tongue going places I hardly let anyone go with mouths, lips, and tongues.
I’m also thinking about why I want him to.
And I’m thinking about what it means that I want to have sex with him in ways I haven’t with other guys.
My heart thuds, and for the first time I think I know the answer. It’s been hazy for a few days, but the fog is starting to clear.
Trouble is, we don’t have much time alone. Jason has demanded our presence at the hot tub for an after-dinner party. Once we return to the inn, we’ve only got fifteen minutes in the room to grab bathing suits and towels before we head to the deck.
The second the door to the room snaps shut, I turn to Tanner. “I trust you,” I blurt out.
He smiles, a little crooked, his expression saying go on. “I trust you too.”
“That’s why I’ve asked you to do things in bed that I don’t do a lot,” I continue, pacing the room, dragging my hands through my hair.
“Good,” he says. “I’m glad.”
His voice is tinged with hope. I don’t know what to make of that new sound. But I feel antsy to share. I’m compelled to tell him what’s on my mind and in my heart.
“And there are other things I want to do. That I haven’t tried,” I say, feeling utterly vulnerable, so I keep moving.
But he comes up to me, sets his reassuring hands on my shoulders and stops me in my tracks. “Like what?”
“I’m kind of basic in bed. What I’ve done. You know, the usual. Hand jobs, blow jobs, anal.”
“Sure,” he says, nodding, clearly eager for me to keep going.
“But with you, sex just feels like…this new world.”
He smiles like the windows are opening in the morning and sunshine is steaming in. “Yeah. It’s pretty fucking good.”
“Like I said in New York, I can tell you what I want. And,” I say, shuddering out a nervous breath, “I can be myself with you.”
Wow. That’s it. There it is. Tanner is the one person I feel like I can truly be my complete self with. In and out of bed.
“You can, Luke. You really can.” Where he was quiet during dinner, now he’s eager to talk. Or really, to listen.
