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Tess stares at me across the café table. She was idly toying with her dyed black hair before I told her what happened between Miles and me in the kitchen.
“How long ago was this?” she asks.
I smooth my hands over my belly. Since Miles drove me home, and we decided we’d try to stay away from each other, I’ve been doing that more and more—touching my belly as though there’s a life already growing there.
“Four days,” I say.
Each second has been torture. Each moment in the house, I hear Miles’ heavy footsteps when he leaves his bedroom. I wait until he’s back in his room beforeIgo out, sneaking around like a thief.
“We would’ve kept going if Mom and Noah hadn’t interrupted us.”
“But you’ve stopped now,” Tess says.
I nod, pushing away the note of regret inside of me.
“You don’t think you’re doing the right thing?” she asks.
“Therightthing, sure, but I won’t lie, Tess. It’s been agony. We’re sneaking around each other. If I’m alone in the kitchen and he walks in, one of us leaves. We only talk when Mom and Noah are there, at mealtimes, and it’s always surface level.”
Surface level—the phrase I tossed at Miles.
“I told him I wanted it that way. Nothing deep. Nothing romantic, but it’s so hard. I keep thinking about him. Remembering the kiss. The first one, and the one four days ago.”
Tess sits back, fiddling with her black, studded bangle. “Youaredoing the right thing, but I hate seeing you like this. I’ve seen you with boys before.”
“I’ve never reallybeenwith anyone,” I mutter.
“No, I get that, but I mean in school. Occasionally, some guy would hit on you, and you never looked interested, not even for a second. You never looked like you cared, but now, you care a lot.”
I nod. It’s not as if I can deny it.
“I want you to be happy. I want you to experience love.”
“Love?” I try to laugh it off. “Let’s not get hasty.”
“I’m not saying you’rein loveright now, but this is how it starts.”
“So you’re saying I should kiss him again? Is that it?”
Tess groans. “No, but…”
“It’s icky, remember?” I say, throwing her own word back at her.
“I shouldn’t have said that. Just because I find it odd, it doesn’t mean itis. Anyway, you only met him a year ago when you were both grownups.”
“It sounds like you’re trying to talk me into it.”
She grins tightly. “No, I’m not saying that. But the fact is, you’re my friend, and all I want is for you to be happy. You’ve been miserable every time we’ve spoken these last couple of days. Now I know why. You miss him.”
“I do, even if we live in the same house. How…”
I was about to say,How crazy is that?
Then I remembered what Miles said about craziness and sanity. The words can’t apply to us anymore, can’t hold any meaning, since we’re long past that.
“Anyway, it’s over,” I go on. “He said I was irresistible, but clearly, I’m not because he’s resisting, and it’s good. It’s the right thing to do.”
“That sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself,” Tess mutters.
