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“Yes?” I ask.
“There’s a reason I couldn’t… you know.”
“Sure. Elena and Noah—”
“No, not them. Notjustthem.”
My suspicion flares again, thoughts of what she could be implying. If I’m right, it’s the best and worst thing. It also means she is mine, only mine forever. My obsession will never stop. My hunger will never wane, but was it ever going to?
“Tell me,” I say.
She closes her eyes, takes a breath, then looks at me, and, ofcourse,that’s when Noah’s car pulls into the driveway.
“A life of interruptions, eh?” I tease, standing and walking to the couch.
“I wish we could talk properly,” she whispers.
“We can. Let me meet you after work tomorrow and take you on a date somewhere we don’t have to look over our shoulders all the time. You can tell me whatever you want to say.”
She swallows, then nods quickly when we hear Noah’s car door open. I should be experiencing way more guilt than I am. I’ve always looked out for and protected my little brother, and here I am doing the exact opposite. That’s just a testament to how much Layla means to me.
“Okay,” she says, “and the other thing with Graham… Yes, please do that.”
The front door opens, cutting off any further real conversation. Noah pokes his head into the living room with a big grin on his face. He has no idea. What would he say if we told him? Now the guilt comes slamming into me.
“Howdy, folks,” he says. “Where’s Elena?”
“Upstairs,” Layla mutters. “We had a fight.”
Noah walks into the room and sits next to me. The urge to apologize suddenly rises in me, so forcefully it’s almost on my lips.
“About what?”
Layla explains about Graham and her dad, and Noah sighs, rubbing his hands together.
“You know something,” Layla says.
Noah sighs. “It’s not my place to say. I’m really sorry, Layla. I want to be a good stepdad, but you can’t ask me to betray Elena. You can’t.”
“I won’t,” Layla says quickly, wincing at the wordstepdad.
I winced, too, when he said it, only it was more like somebody was stabbing me in the chest with the word.
“Your mom loves you,” Noah goes on. “We both do. I know we’re not a normal family.”
He pauses, giving me and Layla a chance to exchange a glance. We’re both aware that this family is anything but normal.
“But we do our best, don’t we? Give your mom a break.”
Layla nods, agreeing enthusiastically. I know why. Ifeelwhy. The guilt that springs up suddenly convinces us both we’re the lowest of the low, hardly better than dirt, for what we’re doing. Yet we can’t stop. Orwon’t.
“I’m going to speak to her,” Noah says, “but you know Elena. My bet is she won’t want to talk about this.”
“That’s not fair, bro.” I lean forward. “You know it’s not.”
Noah nods. “As I said, it’s not my place.”
“Fair,” Layla mutters once he’s left the room. “That word doesn’t have as much meaning as it once did.”
