Page 16 of The Stay


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"Nix... Nixy?"

A voice cut through the haze. A man's voice.

"Fuck." Nix’s eyes snapped open.

"Nixy boy, are you close?" Ash’s voice said, sing-song.

"Yeah... Fucking close..."

"Don't come, Nix."

"Huh?"

"Don't. We’re edging, remember?"

Nix took a breath. More like a gulp. A panicked gasp of air, like a drowning man in quicksand. They’d been at it for a few days now. Every evening. As soon as the lights went out and things were quiet, Ash started telling a story. And Nix got hard as a rock and they touched themselves. Together. In their bunks.

"Fuck, I'm gonna-"

"Nix, no,” Ash’s command slammed through Nix’s veins. "Don't be a naughty Nix, huh?"

"I can't... I have to...." he felt like a ticking time bomb. He was going to blow.

"Stop, Nix,” Ash instructed.

And Nix felt compelled in a way nothing else had pulled him before. He had the vague, disconnected thought that maybe if he'd felt this before about the people in his life, he wouldn't be here today. Like his parents. Like his teachers. Like the pastor. If he'd felt this desperate, all consuming need to please, to do as they said. To hear their praise.

He hadn't wanted to please them. In fact the opposite. He had wanted to piss them off. And he had. Those in positions of authority in Nix's life had spent their time constantly pissed off at all the ways he found to break with what they were saying. His misdemeanors.

But now... all he wanted to do was hear the praise of that smug, caramel voice from the man in the bunk below him.

"Fine." He tore his hand off himself in a gesture of the biggest show of discipline of Nix's life. The pastor would have been proud of him, Nix thought wryly.

“Fuck," Nix hissed as his body screamed. He shouted again, and slammed his fist down into the mattress beside him.

But there it came. Ash’s voice, smooth as liquid gold. Praising him. "Good boy, Nixy."

And Nix felt it all in his body. Better than a hit of pure fucking ecstasy. Better than any high Nix had felt before. And he'd tried a fucking lot.

"Fuck it,” was all Nix could say as he lay there, desire, pleasure and adrenaline pumping through his veins, purer than heroin. He barely recognized his own voice. He now sounded like caramel, too.

"Yes," Ash hissed below him. “You feel that? So potent, such a strong feeling, isn't it? Like vertigo, it makes my head spin.”

Nix flipped himself over onto his front, digging his hips into the mattress a little to feel the pressure, a poor reminder of the pleasure he had just been drowning in, just to take the edge off a little. Whimpering in the sea of dopamine he now floated in. Fucking floated in on a lilo with a giant piña colada complete with fruit and a cocktail umbrella.

"Same again tomorrow, Ash?” Nix asked.

"Same again tomorrow, Nix,” came the response below.

Nix felt himself smile. A slow, calm kind of smile that felt unfamiliar. He closed his eyes and let sleep gently take him.

And he fell asleep with that smile on his lips. And Nix knew he was in trouble when he woke up with that same dopey smile on his lips.

“Ashto Rivers, over here, now,”the guard barked.

Ash clenched his butt cheeks together. He’d been walking about the yard, pacing. He started off on the bleachers by Nix, but he was bored. Restless.

The guard got close as if he were telling Ash something important. “So, you reckon you're a big, hard biker?” The guard leered in his face. “Drop the biker shit and you’ll have a comfy ol’ stay here with us, huh?”

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