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Sharon’s lips pursed and her arms crossed over her chest. “You’re low-key pissed right now. That’s good. Really good. Getting angry helps. You’ve been drifting along like a zombie long enough; it’s good to see you start fighting your way back.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I think maybe you should go catch up with Christy. Find Logan, eat lunch, and then leave.”
“Ouch.” Sharon looked as stung by her deliberate rudeness as if she’d been hit by a powder puff. “Good try, but nah. I’ma just stay here with you for a spell.” Andie’s frown deepened.
“Look, lady. I don’t even know you. This is not a good time or place for me, so if you don’t mind—”
“I lost my daughter too.”
That stopped Andie cold. Her mouth snapped closed with such force and speed it made a plopping sound.
“My baby girl died during birth.” Andie saw tears glint in the dark-amber eyes that held hers unflinchingly. “She was breach and got tangled in the umbilical cord. The doctors tried, but they couldn’t save her. Everything was perfect up until then. She even came on her scheduled due date.” Lightning struck at the walls of distance Andie had built between her and the world.
She didn’t know she stopped breathing until Sharon reminded her to. “That was six years ago. Today.” Then, grief Andie had become all too intimate with was reflected in the beautiful face in front of her. Andie’s breath started to back up in her throat, and she felt one of her big crying jags coming on. Then she felt something ridiculously close to flight-or-fight. She honestly wasn’t sure which one she’d choose. Before she could choose either, Sharon wrapped her arms around her own waist and wept.
No escape. No refuge, Andie thought as she watched the other woman mourn. Panic, a desperate urge to flee the emotions boiling up inside her, had Andie straining to get free. But something she didn’t intend happened instead. Andie wrapped her arms around Sharon and joined her in grief. Fury, sorrow, regret, and desperate longing flowed out of her in gut-wrenching sobs. As Sharon clung to her as well, Andie found a profound solace in their tears. Here was someone else who knew her suffering. Knew it even more intimately than Luke did. There was something unspeakably comforting in that, and for this one moment, she didn’t feel so alone.
* * *
“Logan?What time are we leaving ton—?” Abram stopped midsentence when he rounded the corner and saw Christy sitting in the barn on a gingham blanket.
“Well hi, Abe. It’s so nice to see you again. Would you like to join us for lunch? I was a bit early, so I’ve just been reading to pass the time. Are you okay, honey?” Christy wrinkled her brow at the way Abram stepped back when he saw her and didn’t let it hurt her feelings the way he just stood there and stared.The Amish are so aloof, she mused.
“Okay, well, you’re welcome to join us if that’s what you decide on. I am not sure how much longer Logan is going to be. Do you know when he’s due back?” She held her hands up at her sides.
“Hey, Mom.” Logan—her miracle—came loping in like the exact replica of the dashing young farmboy she’d fallen in love with so many years ago, and her heart fell at his feet. Sharon said she could see her features all over him, but Christy couldn’t. He was Luke through and through.
“Hi, sweetheart.” Since all she wanted to do was pet and fawn over him like he was a newborn, Christy busied her hands by digging into the picnic basket. “I brought Reubens today. You ever have a good Reuben before?” Parchment paper crackled in her hands as she hefted out the weighty sandwich and turned to face him.
“Uh, no. I don’t think so.” He came closer to peer down into the depths of the basket, eager to see what else she brought. “Smells awesome though.” He reached for the sandwich she held out and took it with a grateful smile that guaranteed she’d be cooking for him again—soon. “Hey, Abe? You eat yet? You know what? Even if you did, come here anyway. I’ll split this with you. Smells amazing, Mom.”
Tears. Hearing her boy call her Mom was always going to bring tears. But it was an added layer of joy that he was also enamored with her cooking.
Christy had always enjoyed cooking; it gave her a sense of accomplishment to feed people. Like she’d done something worthwhile whenever she placed a plate of food in front of someone. But that feeling took on a whole new significance when she fed her son. Watching him eat food she lovingly prepared just for him was almost healing. It felt right. She knew she’d never really be able to make up for lost time, but this, this felt as close to that as she could imagine. If nothing else, their meals together were helping bridge the gap between them. With each lunch or dinner they shared, they became just a little bit closer. Their talks a little less stilted, and their eyes less hesitant to look away when one caught the other staring.
“Thank you for the offer.” Abram retreated to the shadows, and Christy couldn’t make out his expression, but she got the impression he wanted as far away from her as possible. “But I’ll just head back to work.” Without bothering to return the goodbyes tossed his way, Abram melted into the shadows and disappeared out of sight.
“I don’t think your friend likes me very much,” Christy said, a determined frown pursing her lips as she stared after the direction he had taken and tried to envision a way to win him over.
“Oh, I’m sure he likes you just fine.” Logan plopped down like a gangly puppy and waved one hand in dismissal before unwrapping his sandwich. “Wow, this looks awesome! Anyway, he just didn’t come in, because you’re an unwed woman who’s not family or something. I dunno; his family’s weird. There’re so many rules he’s gotta live by it’s hard to keep up with them all. Don’t worry about it, okay?” He stared into her face with such open sincerity that Christy felt tears of joy sting again. How sweet that he was concerned for her feelings.
“Okay,” she promised. “I won’t worry about it.” Her reward was a smile as big as the sky, and then he took a huge bite of the mammoth sandwich in his hands.
“Ohmygod.” Cheeks puffed out like a hamster’s, Logan rolled his eyes in delight and took another bite before he’d even swallowed the first.
“Good Lord, child.” Delighted, she laughed and gave his arm a nudge. “Chew and swallow. Chew and swallow. You’re going to choke to death eating like that. You’re not a gator who can just chomp and gulp.”
“Sorry,” Logan told her around another mouthful of corned beef and sauerkraut. “It’s just so good. What else is in there?” He looked at what was left of his sandwich and then hopefully at the basket. “Is there another one of these?”
“Of course.” With a happy sigh, Christy fished out his second sandwich and set it in front of him while he happily devoured what was left of his first. “I brought chips and some of this sour cream and chive dip I made. Plus, my momma’s famous potato salad, some bran muffins I made, and—oh yeah—I sliced up some fresh veggies for the dip too. Then for dessert, I made you a cherry pie!” She placed each item onto the blanket as she pilfered it from the basket, but she held the pie aloft for his inspection. The look of abject longing made every second of the hours she spent in the kitchen this morning worth it.
“This is really good. Great even.” An anxious look came over his face. “All of it is always great. But you don’t have to do all this every time. It’s okay, you know. I’d still wanna see you, even if you didn’t bring food or cook for me.”
It was hard to speak past the lump in her throat; it felt sure to turn into a big, fat crying jag. “Thank you for saying that, Logan. God, it means the world to me.” Setting the pie down before her fumbling hands could drop it, Christy then reached out and brushed lightly at the silky black hair that tumbled over his brow. “Maybe, in about a hundred years, I’ll stop trying to feed away all our years apart. For now though, this is how I say I love you. Cooking is how I always try to fix whatever is broken. I guess it’s how everyone does to some degree, right? When someone suffers a loss, don’t we all bring food? Or when they’re hurt? Just had surgery? I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me and I’m nuts. All I know is that nothing makes me happier than feeding the people I love.” He returned the smile she sent him, and if love were power, she was sure she’d be able to run all of New York City for a week on what his acceptance made her feel. “So come on and eat up, because there’s lots more where this came from.”
* * *
“Okay, my turn.”Kiki walked onto the porch, determined to pick up where Sharon left off and bring her BFF back from the brink. She watched the two women bond over their common loss, and now that things had eased between them, Kiki decided Andie was ready for what came next. “Let’s walk and talk. You been sitting in this same spot for the last two months, and it’s time you start moving, my love.” Without waiting for her answer, Kiki bent over and scooped her arm through one of Andie’s and tugged her to her feet.
