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What would you say to him?a voice in my head asks.
But I have no answer to that. I simply want to see Varzig again.
SEVENTEEN
VARZIG
I cannot let that happen to Tessa.That is the only thought racing through my mind.
But I can see that the soz’garoth has already made up his mind. He doesn’t care about Tessa … she’s simply the thing standing between him and the Tome of Ledantis.
Frustration burns through me then. I have been one of the King’s best warriors all my life.
I have given my life for the King. I have lost time and flesh and blood in service of the King.
And now the soz’garoth plans to kill the human girl I have started to love … for the King.
I left the soz’garoth up in the turret of the citadel some time ago. I have been in my quarters ever since then, thinking about Tessa.
I did not notice at first, so caught up in my conversation with the sorcerer demon. But ever since I left Tessa at Camp Shadows, there has been a slow ache in my chest.
Now the ache feels more urgent, and I’m quite sure it’s speeding up.
The ache threatens to consume me, drown me if I do not do something to save Tessa.
I make up my mind before I’m consciously aware of it. As I stood to march back up to the top of the citadel, I glanced at my reflection in the glass again.
I’m still a much smaller version of myself.
How could this have happened? What has happened to you? Has love turned you inside out and made you smaller?
The voice in my head is irrational and speaks mockingly. The voice is the result of decades of conditioning.
I’m a berserker demon. I’m a warrior in the army of King Amodeus. I’m a fighter. I’m a loyal and obedient servant.
I’m not someone who falls in love with a fragile human girl who might just be the strongest person I have ever met.
I’m not someone who reads stories.
I’m not someone who dreams and imagines.
Has all this shrunk me? Have I changed irreparably since meeting Tessa? Will I ever get my old self back?
A kinder, more rational voice speaks in my head then.
Are you sure, now that you’ve fallen in love, that you want your old self back? Your old self did not love Tessa.
I’m walking up the narrow, winding stairs to the turret before I know it. I feel as though I have walked there in a fugue state.
Not conscious of my surroundings.
“I cannot let you kill her.” I blurted the words out as I rounded the corner into the turret. The old sorcerer demon whirls around, his eyes wild.
The soz’garoth stalked toward me, rage glittering on his face, his lips curled into an ugly snarl.
Behind him, I see his glass potion bottles shake.
“How dare you defy the laws and desires of your King!” He roared the words at me.
