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I stand up and smooth down the silver material of my dress. It’s clingy and uncomfortable, but I knew Misha would like it.
I made myself uncomfortable for him without even considering what I wanted.
I’ll have to unlearn that.
I stop at the edge of the table. “Can I ask you for just one more favor before I go?” He still hasn’t said a word, so I continue on. “I haven’t contacted Rowan yet, but I want to. She’s my friend, Misha. Konstantin told me that she’s called in sick every day since the news broke that I was dead. I can’t let her continue to think that. Not when I know what it feels like to get that kind of call.”
His eyes focus on me. It feels like I might turn to ash in the intensity of his gaze.
“You can tell her.”
I sigh. “Thank you.” I start to turn and then stop. “By the way, you look really handsome tonight.”
Then I walk out of the greenhouse on my own.
26
MISHA
Paige cut across the lawn towards the south garden twenty minutes ago.
And I’ve spent every single one of those minutes trying to convince myself not to follow her.
I’ve been hoping she would give up on me. I wanted her to accept the reality of our lives and move on from this naïve dream that we can ride off into the sunset together.
So if I’ve finally gotten what I wanted, why does this feel so much like losing?
Eventually, I leave the greenhouse. Even as I swear I’m not looking for her, I scan the grounds for any sign of her.
Is she back in the house now, barricaded in her room, cursing the day she met me?
Then I hear a sniffle.
I turn towards a corner of the garden I’ve avoided for so long now. Since the day after Maksim’s funeral.
Paige is sitting on the white bench I had installed in his memory, gazing up at the stars through a thickly woven canopy of ivy vines. She’s so intent that she doesn’t notice me until I’m standing next to her.
She jumps when she sees me. “I didn’t even hear you.” She tries to discreetly wipe her eyes, but they are swollen and puffy. She has been crying. “I thought you’d be back in your office by now.”
I sit down next to her. “Do you come to this part of the garden often?”
“In the evenings, sometimes. It’s such a beautiful little spot.”
“This was Maksim’s favorite spot.” Paige looks over at me, and I continue. “This was his house before I inherited it.” I twist at the wedding band on my finger. “There are days when it feels like I see him everywhere.”
She nods in understanding. “That’s one of the reasons I left Corden Park as fast as I did. I saw Clara everywhere. It got to be too much.” She runs her hands over the white paint of the bench. “It’s a nice tribute, though.”
“He commissioned it himself before he died,” I admit. “It arrived a few days after the funeral. I tried to send it back, but they told me they wouldn’t accept it. Then I thought about smashing it to pieces and burning what was left. In the end, I didn’t; I put it here. It felt right. Out of sight, so I wouldn’t have to see it every day. But not gone. Never gone.”
Her breath, low and raspy, is all I hear. “I think you owe it to him to try and forgive yourself, Misha.”
“What would I be without my guilt?” I ask, only half-teasing.
“What’s left without it?” she fires back.
I think of the Babai and their questions. I give her the same one-word response I gave them. “Revenge.”
She wrinkles up her nose. “I’m not sure revenge really makes a difference, Misha. In fact, I know it doesn’t. Because there was a time when I thought revenge was what I needed to sleep better at night.”
