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“Who did you want revenge on?”
“Moses,” she sighs. “I blamed him for Clara’s death. I was sure he was the one responsible for it. I wanted him to pay.” She glances down at her lap, then back up to me. “I went to see him a few days after Clara’s funeral. Asked him to tell me what happened. He spun me some wild, stupid story that I refused to believe. I cursed at him, told him to go to hell, and left. But not before I planted a whole bunch of drugs in his apartment.”
I look at her with new eyes. “You did not.”
“I did. And the moment I left, I called the cops and left an anonymous tip.” She stops for a moment. “I wouldn’t blame you for judging me. It was awful what I did.”
“What you did was fucking justice. He ended up where he belonged for what he did.”
She shakes her head, getting emotional. “That’s the thing, Misha… He didn’t kill her.”
I frown. “What makes you say that?”
“When I went to see him, he told me that if he had wanted to kill her, he would have done it when she asked him to.”
The puzzle pieces of their friendship start coming together slowly in my head. Clara was Paige’s family. Her closest friend and confidant. But she was not a happy kid. She was deeply troubled, deeply depressed.
Suicidal.
“He claimed that she stole his knife. He said it wasn’t a murder. It was… It was…” She wipes away her tears. “I think I believed him that day. Deep down. I just wasn’t willing to admit it to myself yet. Either way, his weapon was the one she used to kill herself. I felt it was still his fault.” She shakes her head. “They charged him with possession and dealing, all of it. He went to jail for a long time. As far as I know, he’s still there. But I can’t bring myself to check.”
“Don’t tell me you feel bad about what you did.”
“It doesn’t matter what I feel about him,” she says, meeting my eyes. “Getting revenge didn’t make me feel any better about Clara. She was still gone; I was still alone. You think you’re going to take care of Petyr and then you’ll be free to live your life. If you’re not living it now, then getting revenge is not going to change anything. That’s all I’m trying to say.”
Her words hang in the air between us. Insects sing into the night. The wind swirls between the trees.
It really is a beautiful spot.
“Maybe I… I stopped living after Maksim died.”
“That’s only because you think it should have been you,” she offers gently.
I shiver. This womangetsme. It’s terrifying.
“You’re the first girl I’ve ever wanted to take on a second date,” I hear myself say.
She shakes her head. “You don’t have to tell me things like that just to make me feel better.”
“I’m being serious.”
“No, you’re not. And it’s fine,” she says. “I won’t send you any more videos. I won’t barge into your shower. I won’t dress up in stupid lingerie and embarrass myself for the sake of your attention. I’m done with that.”
She was right about the two of us having bad timing. When one of us is hot, the other is cold. Without fail.
“That’s the thing, Paige. I thought I’d be happy to hear you say that. But I’m not.”
She stares at me, eyebrows knit together. She’s dubious, and she has every reason to be.
I stand up and offer her my hand. “Come with me.”
“Where?”
I smile. “You’ll see.”
She eyes me suspiciously, but after a second, she slips her fingers into my hand and lets me pull her to her feet.
I have no clue what I’m feeling or what I’m doing. But I do know that we can’t continue on like this. Forever fighting, living in an endless push and pull, a tug of war that’s wearing us both down to the bone.
