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The walk toward the house is slow. I know as soon as I go in, I’ll be inundated with memories of us – including the night I got pregnant, and the day I took the pregnancy test. The long nights I spent watching over him after he came home from the hospital, thinking about what my plan was and if I could do it or not.
There’s a number pad on the door. “I’ll give you the code and the code to the camera system when you tell me you want it… if y’all are gonna stay.” he says quietly as he makes entry into the house and turns off the alarm.
Back when I lived here we didn’t have an alarm system, but it was something we’d talked about. This had been an up-and-coming neighborhood at the time. “Sounds good.” My words are clipped; I’m tired, and at the same time emotionally done for the day, although I feel like we’re just getting started.
“Nothing else has changed much,” he motions to the living room, dining room, and kitchen, “outside of the wall being torn down. Still got the same couch,” he admits and gives me a grin.
It was the first big purchase we’d ever made, and we swore we’d keep it until it tore apart.
“Good to know it’s earning its keep,” I joke.
We walk through the house, and I realize he’s right. Hardly anything has changed, but it’s very obvious he has. He’s not nearly as open as he once was. I used to be able to read Chance like an open book. That’s not the case any longer. His expression is closed, and the only true smile that comes to his face is when he looks at our son. “This is your room, Gavin,” he says, setting him down on the carpet.
When I look in, I gasp. “How did you do all of this?” I question, holding a hand to my chest.
There’s a toddler bed along with a dresser, a couple of toys, and letters spell out his name over the bed.
“I had help. The guys are still good to call over in a pinch. They knew I needed help, and they came without me even having to ask them. That’s the kind of friends we have, Lia. I hope you remember that next time.”
The words are a punch in the gut, but I understand, and I vow I’ll show him the kind of person I’ve turned into, and not the person I was two years ago.
CHAPTERTWELVE
Chance
Havingher in this house is enough to make me angry all over again. Imagining the life we could’ve had together pisses me off. It’s something I’m going to have to come to terms with, otherwise we’re never going to be able to overcome any of this.
“Do you like your room?” I crouch down so that I’m on the same level with Gavin.
He nods. “Love it!” He runs across the carpeted floor and grabs hold of the bear I bought him. He hugs it tightly to him. The warmth that spreads across my chest is unexplainable.
I turn so that I’m facing Delia. “We brought all your stuff over from the station. There’s glass in some of it, but it looks like most of it is salvageable. The impact did ruin a few things, but you two are some of the luckiest people I’ve ever seen in my life.”
“I believe it. When I saw the truck tumbling toward us, I knew we couldn’t help it. We couldn’t move, and all I knew how to do was brace for impact. Lots of stuff flashed through my mind.”
I want to ask her if any of those thoughts flashing through her mind was that she felt bad about not having me in her life anymore, but I can’t force myself to ask the question. Gavin yawns loudly. “Are you tired?” I ask him.
“This is his normal nap time,” Delia interrupts.
The type of shit I should know, and things I’m going to have to get used to. “Do you want to put him to bed?” I ask, not sure how any of this goes.
“I’d love it if you could do it with us,” she offers an olive branch.
“Okay,” I stick my hands in my back pockets, rocking back on my heels. I wonder if other people are this uncomfortable around their wife and kid. “There are clothes in that drawer,” I point toward the dresser. “I picked them up at the store last night and washed them.”
She gives me a real smile. The first one I’ve seen since she showed back up. “Chance, that’s the sweetest thing you’ve done.”
I hold back the fact I did the same for her, but I don’t expect her to acknowledge it. “I tried to think of the types of things that would make me feel at home. I want him to be comfortable here. Since I don’t know all the important things about him…” I trail off.
She reaches over, grabbing my hand with hers. “You’re gonna learn all the important things. He’s a kid, he loves sharing with others. At some point he’s going to get on your nerves with all the sharing he does,” she laughs.
The laugh, it reaches her eyes. Something I can’t remember happening in the months before she left. As I look back, I think it’s time I realize I might’ve had a hand in pushing her to leave. I didn’t ask questions, or talk to her about her worries, and if it wasn’t for her writing all of these things down, I still wouldn’t know. All because I didn’t take the time to listen.
“You want your Dad to read your favorite book?” She asks him.
Gavin nods as he scrambles up into his bed. “I don’t know what that is.”
“No worries,” she takes her phone out, presses on a few buttons and then hands me the device. “We always have it here, just in case something happened to the book,” she explains.
