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I nod and watch him leave. How I wish I was like him, able to get up and go, knowing I wouldn’t hurt anyone. The worst thing about where my thoughts are going is that I one-hundred-percent know how this is going to affect me, Chance, this baby, and these men in the room. The men are always part of what’s happening in our lives. If Chance hurts, they’re going to hurt too. They’ll pull him out of whatever it is he’s going through though; I know that with everything I have.
It’s the one thing I’m counting on. When I leave, he’ll need his friends more than he ever has. He won’t be able to count on me being around, but he will be able to count on them.
The thought makes my stomach cramp, but if there’s anything this situation has reiterated, it’s that I don’t want this baby to grow up like I did, and be the person I am.
“I see you,” Cam surprises me, causing me to jump. “I can tell you’re thinking about it. You’re thinking about leaving him, aren’t you? I’ve watched it. Fuck, I’m living it right now. I don’t know how much Chance has told you about my situation, or if he’s even told you anything, but my wife left me. Don’t do this to him.”
Tears pool in my eyes and I force a smile I don’t feel. “You have no idea what’s going on, Cam. I’m just trying to figure out how we’re gonna get through the next few weeks with his arm in a cast. You and I both know he doesn’t handle being laid up well. We’re all in for a few weeks of hell.”
He gives me a slow grin. “You’re right, we are. Please don’t make a rash decision. If this is what you’re thinking, sit with it. Think about the repercussions. I know the two of you don’t have a child, but I really wish I didn’t have to try to explain to Trin where her mom is when she wakes up from having a bad dream, or when I do really bad hairstyles. It’s not easy, and you don’t know the impact of your choices until others are affected by them.”
My throat tightens, a metal taste working its way up from my stomach. What he’s saying is hitting in ways I never anticipated. It’s giving me different scenarios to think about; and now the decision I’d been so sure about when I walked into the hospital is wavering. I nod, accepting the hot chocolate he’s handing me. Before I can say anything, there’s a voice.
“Family of Chance Caldera?”
“That’s me,” I grip the Styrofoam cup tight, although it’s hot in my hand. “And them,” I motion to the firefighters standing behind us.
The doctor pulls his mask down. “Chance is a very lucky man. A few centimeters to the left and we’d be talking about amputation. I’ve set the bone, and recovery is expected to be around twelve weeks. He’s still asleep and coming out of anesthesia. I’ll come get you when he’s able to talk.”“Thank you,” I reply, folding my arms across my chest.
“Yes, thank you,” Cam reaches forward, shaking the doctor’s hand. “We appreciate it.”
* * *
Two hourslater and I’m being led by the same doctor into a hospital room. In the bed is the man I’ve loved since I was twenty-years-old. We met when we were both reaching for the last strawberry lemonade at a local fruit stand. It’s the best stuff I’ve ever tasted, and every year I wait for it to open. There are only so many bottles made daily, and that day I wanted it more than I’d ever wanted anything.
I reached for it, and so did he. Our fingers touched, and we tried to be polite, but I’d really wanted that damn strawberry lemonade. We’d rock, paper, scissored it, and somehow, at the end of it, I had the lemonade and he’d gotten a date.
That day he’d seemed so full of life, unlike the man lying in the hospital bed right now.
“Del?” His voice is weak, questioning if it’s me.
“Yeah, I’m here,” I rush over, grabbing hold of his hand.
“Are you okay?” He manages to push out between dry lips. “Your Dad.”
“I’m fine,” I play off, hiding the tears, and trying to keep the emotion out of my voice.
He doesn’t say anything else, and when I look over, he’s back asleep. As I have a seat beside him and try to get comfortable, I struggle with what’s the right decision to make.
Like Cam said, maybe it’s best I sleep on it and not do anything too rash. My mind is a mess of emotions and scenarios, so I sit back, thinking about the life I have now, and the one I want in the future.
CHAPTERSIX
Chance
“Chance,”one of the nurses that I’ve worked with a few times, Miley, comes in. “Your son is awake, if you’d like to come see him.”
Nervous doesn’t even begin to describe the way I’m feeling. How does someone be introduced to their child, one they didn’t even know existed until a few hours ago? If someone had told me this is what my life would be like a few years ago, I’d tell them they were speaking about someone else’s. “Yeah,” I wipe sweaty palms on my pants. “Yeah, sure.”
Purposely, I walk slightly behind her. I’m halfway scared to enter the room where my son is.
“He’s in there,” she says. “He’s doing good, a little scared though.”
How am I going to comfort him when he doesn’t even know who I am? When I get to the door, I take a moment to catch my breath and calm the bubbling in my stomach. After a few moments, I’ve gathered all the courage I can. Walking in, I brace myself for whatever’s about to happen. “Hey,” I speak softly, getting his attention without being overbearing.
He looks over at me, his brown eyes showing recognition. “Daddy!” he yells out.
The word hits me in the middle of my chest. “Yeah, I’m your Dad. What’s your name? How do you know who I am?”
