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For some reason, that puts me at ease as well, and I grin. “Sure.”
Dimitri squeezes my hand across the table, and Louis notices, his eyes narrowing in calculation and contemplation.
“Nico, take Dimitri to check the machine one last time,” he orders, and Dimitri stands, blushing.
“I was just about to do that,” Dimitri mumbles, throwing me one last look before hurrying away. Nico lumbers to his feet and follows him wordlessly.
I wonder what that was about, but I don’t ask, too focused on what’s to come.
What exactly will they see when we dive deep into my fucked-up memories?
My screams? My pain? My tears?
My hopes?
Or worse . . . my weaknesses?
FOURTEEN
Unable to eat after their explanation of what’s going to happen, I wait for them to finish. Bile rises in my throat, and my memories crowd my mind. I’m unsure if they will be able to see them, but regardless, I’m betting that they will be able to guess what I’ll see from my expressions, and that terrifies me.
Isn’t it bad enough that I survived it and did what I had to do? For them to know what I did, though, and who I was . . .
The mere thought has me on edge.
I barely listen to their chatter as I am led to a room near the labs but off a different corridor. Once the door is opened, I freeze as fear rolls through me in waves. There’s a metal chair in the middle of the room with a spotlight above it and a footrest swung to one side, with two padded armrests waiting for me to be tied to them. I can almost hear my father’s voice. I have no doubt that this was his creation, but I can also see Dimitri’s changes. There’s a cushion on the back for comfort, there are no restraints, and the room is warm and comforting. There’s also a computer to one side, but other than that, there is not much else.
“It’s okay,” Louis promises as he steps into the room. “We can stop at any time.”
Dimitri heads to the computer and starts it up, and I flinch when it whirrs.
“We are not him,” Nico states behind me.
I know it’s true when they let me choose and don’t drag me in. Instead, they wait. It’s my choice, my body, and my mind. Taking a deep breath, I allow myself to be brave one more time and step into the room.
“Take a seat when you’re ready,” Louis instructs as he moves to the side. Just then, a screen I didn’t notice comes down from the ceiling. “Through a lot of science that I won’t explain to you because it will bore you to death, we are able to project some fragments onto this screen,” he tells me as I slowly walk over and perch on the seat.
I am ready to leave at any minute, stiff and scared, but I’m also unwilling to let fear beat me.
“To do so, I have to implant this at the base of your neck,” Dimitri murmurs. “It can be disconnected at any time, and I will numb the area—”
“Don’t,” I mutter and look up at him to see he’s shocked. “I don’t want to be numb. I’d rather feel it.” Old fears, I guess.
He nods like he understands but looks at Louis who stares at me in contemplation. “It will hurt,” Louis warns.
“I’ve survived worse,” I remind him as I sit back.
“Do it,” Louis orders, keeping his eyes on me. “If she says she can handle it, she can handle it.”
Smart man.
The others spread out, watching and waiting. I almost feel comforted by their presence. Before, this would have felt like an experiment, but they have all survived shit like this, and I know no matter what the reason, they wouldn’t let me get hurt. They are like me.
They are me—the experimental children of a mad doctor.
“Okay, I’m going to implant it. Take a deep breath for me,” Dimitri instructs.
Isaac hurries over, takes my hand, and kneels. “Eyes on me,” he orders, his voice soft and reassuring. Before, I had to grit my teeth through the pain and focus on the cracks in the wall, but now I focus on his caring eyes, on the way his lashes fall across his cheek, and the tilt of his lips—
