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“We can’t do that,” I say solemnly. “We can’t just leave when he just got here.”
“Yeah, we fucking can.”
I roll my lips between my teeth and shake my head. “We’ll manage. We can be adults about this.”
Quinn doesn’t look so sure, but he lets it go. And thank fuck for that. I don’t want him to be mad at me, but I can’t just come out and tell Joshua. Not yet. Probably not ever.
But the thought of keeping us a secret puts me in a bit of a mood as we finish helping them get settled and wander around town once more. We hike along Lake Superior with Winter, listening to Joshua and Hailey fill us in on the last of their summer plans.
They’re heading to Mackinac Island after this for a few days and then over to Traverse City to spend time with some friends. After that, they’re off to college.
“You gonna come see me off, Dad?” Joshua asks me, and I about wilt from the question. Because I hadn’t planned on it. Karen hadn’t invited me and neither had Joshua, so I expected to just say my farewells privately.
He never seems to want me around for the big moments. Never. I was lucky to sit across the street during prom and snap some photos of them before they left in their limo, not wanting to ruin their moment by showing up uninvited. And his high school graduation, I sat in the very back because Karen didn’t save me a seat.
“Yeah, I could do that. Could drive down with you to the dorms.”
Joshua smiles and nods his head. “Yeah, that would be cool. As long as you and Mom don’t fight the entire time.”
Quinn pipes up then. “It’s never Grey who starts those fights, you know that.”
Joshua’s eyes swing to his best friend and he bobs his head. “Yeah, Mom gets a little…weird about stuff. I get it. I’ll make sure that we’re cool. I’ll tell her you’re coming.”
My heart pitter-patters in my chest as we continue walking, and fuck, I want to reach over and thread my fingers with Quinn’s, to pull him into my side and share this moment with him. But I can’t. Because if I did, it would ruin whatever Joshua is finally trying to build between us, something I’ve worked so hard to accomplish in the past. I don’t want to tear it down. I don’t want to destroy this.
But I also don’t want to destroy Quinn either.
I may have already begun unknowingly. But I don’t know how to fix it.
He glances at me, and I feel my chest constrict. Those eyes. Those fucking eyes looking at me like I’m his everything.
How did I never notice it before? How did I not see?
I’m an idiot, it seems. Not seeing what was right under my nose all those years. Not that I would have acted on it, but still.
He looks at me like I’ve hung the moon, like I can do no wrong. But I can. I have. I will probably continue to fuck up without meaning to. I could hurt him and not mean it. I’d never mean it.
Oh, Jesus.
After meandering through town and eating dinner, we head back to the trailer and sit outside to chat, watching the sun slowly set below the horizon. It’s almost eleven o’clock when we finally part ways, Joshua and Hailey crawling into their tent, while Quinn and I move into the trailer.
As soon as the door snaps shut, leaving us alone, Quinn lets out a shuddering breath.
“Fuck,” he murmurs, his hands carding through his hair. His shirt rides up his waist, showing me the skin of his abdomen and the hint of his tattoos, and I feel my mouth water.
He’s so damn perfect.
“Don’t tell me to sleep over here,” he whispers, glancing at the kitchen table. “I can’t bear it.”
I bite down on the inside of my cheek and don’t say a word. I can’t. I can’t turn him away, but doesn’t he see how risky this is? What if Joshua finds out? What if he sees?
“I won’t fuck you. I just want to hold you,” he says softly, his voice laced with desperation.
A low hum of panic starts to spread through me because I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what decision is right.
“I’ll lock the door. He’ll never know.”
Winter whines between us, almost as if sensing something is off, and I pat his head, offering him some comfort where I can offer Quinn none.
