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Shaking my head, I head to the bar and ask Telnis for a zhisk. “And keep them coming,” I add, still unable to calm down yet.
Draining my first glass, I push it back towards Telnis. He fills it up for me and I take another sip, enjoying the way it burns going down.
“What right does she even have?” I ask, feeling so angry that I want to punch something. “What right does she have to control my life like this?”
I’m starting to feel buzzed after my third glass and am rambling pointlessly now. “She is just bitter because I’m the more talented one of the two of us,” I tell Telnis, who isn’t even paying attention. He’s serving some other customers but I just keep talking, trying to make sense of everything that’s happened today.
“And I just...I wish she didn’t have to feel that way,” I say, not knowing what I’m saying anymore. “It would be so much easier if she could just open up to me.”
Am I talking about Sienna or Rhovier now? Even I don’t know. “She doesn’t have to be like this. She could easily have her own career. But we both know that she would have never shined as brightly as I do.”
I slump down, laying my head on the counter. I’m four or five drinks in now and feeling melancholic. I remember our childhood—things were so much simpler back then. Back when it was just Rho and Ris. Before the music lessons and the conservatory...before all this music business stuff got between us.
“Hey,” Thenzi slips into the seat next to me. “You alright?”
“Fine,” I say, lifting my head up enough to shrug. “Been a rough day.”
“Oh, well I heard you got a promotion,” Thenzi teases. “How is that rough?”
“Other stuff going on,” I tell him. “My assistant has been sick. She makes things run smoothly for me and without her help, it felt like my set was off today.”
“Oh, well I’m sure she’ll be better soon, Thenzi says, patting my arm.
I hope so. I don’t want her to be sick. I need her here with me. She really does make my life better. She brings so much more joy and light and being around her makes me a better musician.
And I...I love her. I want her to know that she’s safe with me, that she can be happy with me. That she canbewith me. We kept our distance because of propriety but honestly, screw propriety. I don’t care about that.
And frankly, I’m wealthy enough to say screw anyone else who gets in the way of our happiness too. I can take care of her, if only she would let me.
“Have you heard the rumors about Sienna?” I hear someone whisper near me, talking to someone else. I perk up, trying to listen in without being obvious.
But unfortunately for me, the two girls go off into a far corner of the bar to talk, leaving me unable to hear the rest of the conversation. If I was paying more attention or was less drunk I would have followed them and demanded to ask what rumors were circulating.
But I didn’t get a good look at their faces before they left so now I can only speculate about whatever rumors might have cropped up about her.
But as I get up, the room spins around. Throwing my hands out, I grab hold of the bar to steady myself. I’ve had way more drinks than I realized. I should get home and rest until tomorrow.
I think Benshobe said something about more shifts, if I remember correctly. Coming in more days a week, different times a week, something like that. I usually have the dinner slot but I might need to come in earlier one day, or later? Something like that.
Either way I ought to get home and sleep off this hangover so I can feel better and figure out my next steps with Sienna. I stumble down the alley and head home, stopping to smoke once and staring up at the stars.
I’m a damned mess without Sienna in my life, I reflect. One day without her and I’m already drunk and melancholic like a damned penniless dark elf poet. Things are always better with her around.
As long as I can have her in my life, I’ll be happy. I don’t know what’s going on with her and I’m determined to get to the bottom of it but for now, I’m happy that she’s still here.
11
SIENNA
Now that I’m done with my bath and feeling sorry for myself, I feel the urge to go through my wardrobe and figure out what to wear to work tomorrow that will cover up the growing bump enough.
It’s getting rounder with every day that passes too. I can’t believe I didn’t even realize it was a baby bump. It seems so obvious now.
I try on a few articles but things are already getting tight in the middle. It’s going to be so obvious within a few weeks that I’m smugglingsomethingunder my dress. Apparently I’m already three months gone. Which, if I know anything about pregnancy – which isn’t much – means I’m just about into my second trimester.
Shit! How did I miss this for so long? There’s no way I can just keep working at the club but I don’t know what to do. Rhovier threatened to harm me if I said anything so I can’t just pretend like things are normal between Ris and myself when I go back.
So I guess I have to decide what the next step is. I can’t stay at the theater, I can’t speak to Ris...I have to leave.
