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I remember the look in her eyes when she looked up at me. She was taking in every inch of me. I could see the lust and want paint her face with desire. She tried to hide her reaction but no matter how much she tries to hide, I know I affect her more than she wants me to. She told me I looked handsome, and I was so captivated by her that I couldn’t form words. All that eventually came out of my mouth was that she looked… nice.
I instantly saw the way her face fell. She probably thought I was being an ass as usual and didn’t want to tell her she looked beautiful. Something about the way she looked was bothering me. I couldn’t put my fingers on what it was. It wasn’t her appearance per se, but it was something.
When we made it downstairs, my father was already there. I hated the way he gushed at her. I knew why and it just made me mad all over again. I clenched my jaw as I watched him, wishing I could just smash his face in. Yeah, I’m still harboring a lot of hate toward him, that hasn’t changed at all. I’m not sure if it ever will.
By the time we got to the church, and we were ready to walk down the aisle as our parents’ best man and maid of honor, I was still pissed off. I had no intention of doing anything to her but suddenly I just wanted to embarrass her. So with a slight movement of my foot, a move that no one would notice, I tripped her.
It wasn’t until that moment when she fell onto the floor that I realized what was bothering me about her earlier. She looked thin as hell.
After she fell, the laughter immediately began throughout the room and it was nothing but music to my ears. It made me feel better.
Then my jealousy was rearing its ugly head when I saw her lean on another man, especially one that I didn’t like. I wanted to punch the asshole’s lights out for even touching her. I had to leave before I did fuck him up. I don’t want any other asshole to touch her. She’s mine.
And there I go again…
The thing is, sometimes when hate is all you know and have toward someone, it’s difficult to change that mindset. That is exactly what is fucking me up now. I don’t want to hate her anymore but I also don’t want to like her. Plus, I still have big secrets I’m keeping from her which just makes things even more complicated to deal with.
How the fuck do I justify feeling something other than hate to the people who inadvertently were the reason for my mother’s demise? The line is a slippery slope and I don’t know which side I should be on anymore.
When I set out to get my revenge and make her life a living hell, I never in my wildest dreams ever thought my feelings for her would ever change. But somehow they have, and that is quite the inconvenience.
As I sit here in the waiting room, waiting for a word on her condition, it’s excruciating. I barely manage to keep myself in this chair. When we finally made it to the hospital, I wasn’t sure what the fuck happened.
I was just on autopilot the whole time, hoping it wasn’t anything serious. I remember rushing out of the car before it even came to a full stop, with her cradled in my arms. I remember shouting to get someone’s attention so they could hurry up and take a look at her. She wasn’t looking so good. She started to look too pale for comfort. The nurses rushed over quickly, and I hurriedly explained what I knew before they took her away. I’ve been anxious since.
When they realized who I was, they moved even faster. That was one of the perks of being stupid rich and having your name plastered on the building. Everyone was ready to do my bidding.
I made the decision not to tell the parents about this since they left for their honeymoon earlier. I’d be keeping a closer eye on her from now on anyway. If she thought I was an asshole before, well it’s going to be nothing like the Knox who’s going to be on her ass now.I don’t think she’s ready for the Knox who will actually give a shit about her.
The guys are all sitting a few chairs away from me. No one has said a word since we all sat down. I know they don’t want to tell me I told you so, even though I deserve it. So they’re all keeping quiet.
I look down at the white dress shirt I’m wearing, and it’s the first time I notice the blood on it. For the first time since my mother’s burial, I feel the emotions choking me, making it hard to breathe. I know it’s her blood and the feeling inside me is indescribable.
She’s been cutting herself… and I didn’t know.
It’s all my fault. Now that I know she’s been taking pills, a lot of things make sense now. Earlier when she disappeared, I checked the GPS on her phone but it was in her room. She left with her new friend, Camryn, and that asshole, Aiden, along with the Venom Brothers. I wasn’t too pressed because I was still pissed at her and didn’t give a shit about her then.
I didn’t care but my mood was even more sour after she left. The guys kept calling me a grouch all night and I admit that I was being one. In truth, I was starting to feel uneasy because she wasn’t in my sight. Eventually the guys took me inside to the den where we had some drinks away from everyone else. I wasn’t in a celebrating mood. I hated the fact that my father just got remarried when my mother was laid to rest only a few weeks earlier.
When the guys weren’t looking, I managed to get my phone out. When I checked her location again, I saw her location had moved from her room to the backyard. I decided to go after her. I had no idea that tonight would go so horribly wrong when I left the den to go after her.
From a distance, I could see her lift the bottle of alcohol to her lips. As soon as I was close enough, I could tell that something wasn’t right with her. As I got closer, I snatched the bottle away from her and all hell broke loose.
For the first time ever, she let me see the destruction in her eyes. Well, more into her soul if I was being honest. She had all her emotions and pain on display for me. She’s always hid that from me. She never let me see her when she was weak. I’ll admit it, even if you don’t believe me, that was when I really saw how truly affected she was. She wasn’t the strong girl who acted like she didn’t give a shit anymore. Instead, I saw everything she was so good at hiding.
For some reason, I was pissed. I wanted her to be strong and fight me off because I couldn’t stop myself from hurting her. I don’t know why the fuck I expected her to fight me alone and not be affected in any way.That was a stupid thought, I know.
Don’t get me wrong. She’s been strong as fuck from the beginning because I watched for weeks as they tore her to shreds and how she fought them off when she could. In that moment, when I was seeing everything that she was hiding, I realized that it was only a matter of time before it all caught up to her.
“Mister Riverside?” a doctor calls out as he comes through the door and pulls me out of my thoughts. I’m up and out of my seat in a flash.
“Is she okay?” I quickly ask.
“She’s out of the woods and is now resting. The good news is she didn’t take enough pills to overdose. She is severely dehydrated and she’s lost a lot of weight. I’d look into getting her to rehab. If she continues like this, it could cause severe damage to her stomach, and she could eventually develop heart issues as well. I’d also make sure she eats more. She’s on her way to becoming malnourished,” he says.
The force of his words slam into me. I didn’t know it was this bad, or that she was affected this much. She kept it all hidden and I have no one to blame but myself for acting like an asshole.
“Thanks, doc. I’ll make sure I get her the help she needs. Can I see her?” I ask.
