Page 105 of Hate Like Ours

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“Don’t fucking give me any of your bullshit. Don’t act like you suddenly care, not tonight. And to answer your previous question, yes I’m a drug addict now. Silly boy, that’s what addicts do, don’t they? They keep wanting more of the bad shit, knowing that it’s impossible to stop themselves from wanting it.” Sobs rack my body as the pain in my chest from earlier increases.

“Am I pretty enough for you now? Don’t you like the new me? Or is she still a cow and ugly and fat… Want to know the truth about me? I tried to change the way I looked because you and your minions tore me to shreds. But guess what? I hate this girl standing in front of you, but not as much as I fucking hate you,” I whisper through my tears.

I make a move to walk away from him but I barely make it a few steps when I crumple to my knees as my stomach cramps. I clutch my middle as I cry out from the sudden and intense pain racking my body. It was just twinges earlier, but now it’s full-blown pain. I double over as another wave of intense agony shoots through me.

I clutch my stomach again as I crumple onto my side on the grass as I wait for the pain to go away, but it just seems to be intensifying as the seconds tick by.

“What the fuck is happening to her?” Ezra’s shaky voice screams out.

“Fuck! I don’t know but we need to get her to the hospital now!” Knox growls as he rushes over to me and picks me up. Then he’s running with me in his arms.

Asher gets in the front seat of Knox’s car and he gets in the back with me on his lap. The cramps have become unbearable and tears stream down my face.

“I-I think I’m dying,” I whisper as my chest also begins to hurt. I rub it to try and make the ache go away.

“You’re not dying. You have to make it,” he says in a voice filled with emotions I’ve never heard from him. My eyes feel heavy so I close them for a second.

“I’m tired. I need a nap…” I say, trailing off. He slaps my face a few times and I open my eyes to look up at him.

“I need you to stay awake for me, baby. We’re almost there. I just need you to keep looking at me,” he whispers.

“It hurts to look at you,” I whisper, choking back the emotions.

“I know, baby, I know. Just don’t leave me, okay? I can’t lose another person I love to pills,” he tells me, his voice sounding choked up with emotions and far away.

“I was never on the list of people you love. All I was ever given was your hate,” I whisper, closing my eyes again.



I’m scared…

So fucking scared because I have no idea how many pills she took. Plus, she was drunk off her ass and still drinking when we found her in the backyard.

As Asher drives us toward the hospital, I feel myself entering that dark place I found myself in after my mom overdosed.

The same dark place that started this whole revenge and bully shit to begin with. I was pissed and angry and fucking hurt that I missed all the fucking signs of her taking drugs. But then again, even if I did notice, I’m sure I wouldn’t have cared at the time.

But now I do. I care more than I want to and it’s still fucking with my head. The last time I was vulnerable with her, which was a few days before the wedding, I couldn’t stand it. Of course, I went back to being the asshole that I was.

I didn’t do vulnerability in front of anyone so I had to show her that she still meant nothing to me. I guess that fucked with her more than I was expecting.

I was never on the list of people you love. All I was ever given was your hate.

My mind keeps replaying those words from her a few minutes ago and I feel like an ass. Even though what she said was true, her words did nothing but gut me. I’ve well and truly turned everything into a fucking mess.

All I ever gave her was my hate. I never once showed her or even hinted to her that my feelings might be changing. I saw it as a weakness on my part, for having feelings for someone I hated so much.

I’m an asshole, but you all knew that already. And even though I just admitted that, I still haven’t come to terms fully with my feelings for this girl. Because of that, it made me keep acting like an ass. But right now, I really don’t want her to die.

The two sides of me are warring with each other. One side says I should just forget everything, and the other says I should continue because she deserves it. I’m here in the middle not sure which way to go anymore.

I keep remembering everything my mom went through and it reminds me of all the reasons why I should still hate Raine. Another part of me wants me to acknowledge that this is not just some passing fling but to acknowledge the real feelings that I have for her.

Ever since she moved into my home, I find myself watching her in secret. I’ve become a tad bit obsessed with her and I hate it.Fucking hell, when did life get so complicated?

When she stepped out of her room already dressed yesterday, she literally stole my fucking breath away. She was so beautiful. Sometimes it ached to look at her because she represented all the things I shouldn’t want but couldn’t help myself from wanting.