Page 110 of Hate Like Ours

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If I knew what I knew now at the beginning of my revenge scheme, would I have still done it? That’s a question I don’t have an answer to if I was being honest, hence the whole complicated factor.

When we finally make it back to the mansion, I let go of her hand and turn the car off. Looking over at her. I see that she’s fallen asleep. I stare at her for a while, finally seeing her and all the changes I didn’t notice from the time she moved here until now. But now they’re all very noticeable and I hate it.

I slept in late with her this morning and it was the best sleep I’ve had in a while. When I eventually woke up, I left her to get some coffee and get a few minutes away from her to clear my head. Seeing her like that last night fucked with my head a bit.

Seeing the blood on her dress and the way she was completely fucked up because of the drugs and alcohol she took, and then when she closed her eyes on me in the car, I almost had a heart attack. I was so scared I’d lose her like I lost my mother. I didn’t breathe easy until I got the news that she was stable.

Now I’m going to make it my mission to get her back to health. Like the doctor said, she’s lost a lot of weight and she’s dehydrated. I know she has an eating disorder, so yeah, I have my work cut out for me.

When I came back into her room and saw her about to put her clothes on, I completely stopped all movements and stood there in shock. That split second before she ran off into the bathroom hit me harder than anything had before because that was all my fucking fault.

So many things now made sense. Like the fact that whenever we had sex, she’d want the room as dim as possible. She always wanted to keep her shirt on and because I’m an asshole who didn’t care, because I just wanted to get my dick inside her, I went with it. Not knowing all this time it was because she wanted to hide her scars from me.

Without giving it a second thought, I went after her in the bathroom and the sound of her sobs gutted me. She looked so torn and broken down. I wanted to make her feel better, but I knew she probably felt nothing but hate for me. I mean, I’d feel the same if I were her too.

She still wasn’t dressed when I made it into the bathroom, and now that I was closer, I got a good look at her. She’d gotten so thin I could see the outline of her ribs.

I moved to stand behind her and the full effect of the damage she’d done to herself was visible on every inch of her skin. I wanted to punch myself in the fucking face because this was all my fault. I should’ve—fuck!

I didn’t know what I should have done. Left her alone? Not worry about revenge? Just leave her be and fucking deal with it another way? All. Of. The. Above.

When I first started my hate campaign against her, I thought the day I saw her broken and desolate, I’d love the sight of it. But I was wrong, so fucking wrong. As I looked at her and all that she did to herself, it felt like my fucking chest was caving in on itself. Nothing prepared me for the devastation I’d feel when I saw what she did to her stomach and legs.

There, in bright red lines, were words I’d often called her. I felt like total and utter shit. I could read them clearly because her skin was so pale. It looked like she went over them quite a few times with her razor blade. That was the moment I took a good look at her and saw the entirety of the destruction I caused her. That was the exact moment it became clear to me that I fucked up.

I didn’t know how I was going to fix any of this, because she wasn’t any of the things I called her. I know for a fact that I was her one and only and I fucking tainted everything that we did together because of my hatred.

I didn’t even know if I’d ever be able to gain her trust now, not after everything I’ve done. But in that moment, I vowed to myself that I’d make her forgive me somehow, and I’d do all that I could to heal all the wounds that were there because of me. From the looks of it, those are soul-deep wounds.

If none of that shit works, I’ll just remind her who the fuck she belongs to and that there’s nothing she can do to change that.

After I saw her cuts, I knew she was feeling nothing but humiliation. She probably thinks I won. I know she thinks that she showed me her weakness because I saw it, but that’s the furthest thing from the truth. I know she’s the strongest person I’ve ever known and if I wanted to keep her that way, then I needed to step my game up and protect her.

I come back to the moment and out of my head. I move her head onto the seat before getting out of the car and walking over to her side. I open the passenger door and unbuckle her before lifting her up into my arms and walking inside with her. She’s sound asleep and doesn’t make a peep.

After the last few hours, well weeks that she’s had, she needs all the rest she can get. I walk up the stairs with her and head into her room. I pull the blanket up around her and then walk around to the other side and get into bed with her.

I don’t want to leave her alone right now. I just want to be close to her. I pull her right up against me with her back to my chest and then I place my arm around her. I lie there for the longest time, just watching over her as she sleeps.

There are so many thoughts and feelings occupying my mind but the one that supersedes everything else is how she feels being in my arms, like she absolutely belongs here. I’m going to make sure she sees that too somehow.

When I finally leave her and head to my room, I see the destruction she caused and shake my head at her determination. I look at the mess she made. When I step into my bathroom, I see my mom’s journals and some of her albums in the water.


I quickly rush over and pull them out. They’re already damaged. I might be able to save the pictures, but her journal is toast. The pain that washes over me is nothing new.

I know Raine is the one who destroyed my shit and I want to retaliate. But I promised myself earlier that I wouldn’t hurt her anymore. I finally admitted to myself that I have feelings for her.

I call for one of the maids to get everything cleaned and fixed and wait for that to be done before I go back into her room, lift her into my arms and take her into my room.

I lie down next to her for a while longer and let out a sigh at the fact that I lost some of my mother’s things. It hurts but at this point it is what it is. I won’t do anything to hurt Raine anymore…



There’sa manly scent in the air, almost like a sea breeze that fills my senses as I open my eyes. The room is dark. Once my eyes have adjusted to the darkness, I realize that I’m not in my room. I must be in Knox’s.

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