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“Sit!” he tells me, as he points to the chair by the island. Not feeling up to another argument, I do as I’m told, but I make sure to grumble the whole time. He moves to the oven and pulls something out. When he turns around, I see he has a plate in his hand.
“What are you doing?” I question, already feeling queasy.
“Getting you food,” he says in a tone that tells me what he’s doing should be obvious, since I can see what he’s doing.
“I-I-I’m not hungry,” I say, as I quickly stand from the chair.
“Move another inch and I’ll tie you down to the chair and force feed you myself. Now sit, Raine!”
“But I’m not hungry.” I sniffle.
“When was the last time you ate something? Ate actual food?” he questions and I snap my mouth shut. I honestly can’t remember. I’ve taken a few bites here and there and drank some water or juice when I was close to collapsing, but that was it. I haven’t had a proper meal in so long.
“I—”
“That’s what I thought,” he grumbles.
He places the plate in front of me and then takes the seat across from me, sitting there to watch me. “Eat.”
Knowing he probably would stuff this food down my throat if I don’t comply, I start to eat by taking a bite of the sandwich on my plate. It’s probably really good because they have a top-of-the-line chef, but right now it tastes like sawdust.
I almost choke on it because it hurts to swallow it down. He hands me a glass of juice and I take a drink, trying to wash it down. But my body is already protesting and all I want to do is vomit everything out right this minute.
The wave of nausea that washes over me makes me gag and without waiting another second, I hop out of the chair and run down the hall and straight for the bathroom. As soon as I’m in there, I fall to my knees and bring everything back up again.
A second later, I’m dry heaving. I feel him behind me as he holds my hair back. It’s all too much and I burst into tears. I’m ashamed and humiliated that he’s been witnessing all my weaknesses.
I fall back onto my butt and cry my heart out as the emotions take me over completely. He helps me up a second later and without saying a word, he moves us to the sink and grabs a cup before filling it with water. He hands it to me before grabbing the mouthwash as well.
I use both and then he hands me a towel when I’m done. He then turns me around and pulls me into him, wrapping his arm around me and placing a kiss on my forehead before I rest it against his chest.
“I’m such a fuckup.” I hiccup. “I’m fat and I-I need to lose weight. I can’t eat anymore without hating myself for it and it’s all because of you!”
“You’re not fat. You’re fucking skin and bones!” he snaps and then calms himself down before talking more gently to me. “I’m going to make sure you get better,” he whispers.
“I don’t think you’ll ever be able to make me not hate myself. You shoved all your hate into me and now I don’t know how to feel anything besides that.”
“Fuck!” he curses. “I’ll fucking make you feel all the love you deserve,” he says with a conviction I don’t feel. I try to pull away from him but he tightens his hold on me.
“Can I go back to my room now? I’m exhausted…” I sigh.
He lifts me up into his arms and walks with me back up the stairs, taking me to his room instead of mine. He crawls into bed beside me. I move away from him until I’m all the way at the end, but he’s not having any of that. He pulls me back toward him and sets me so that I’m lying on my side with my back to him and he’s spooning me.
“Go to sleep. We’ll figure things out tomorrow,” he tells me while I’m still lying stiffly in his arms. I stay that way until I’m too tired to stay awake. I drift off to sleep with him still holding me tight like he’s afraid I’ll disappear or something, which is just absurd.
ChapterThirty-Four
RAINE
Isit possible to die from too much emotional overload? I literally feel like I’m on the verge of it. My mind is in a constant state of distress and I don’t know how to make it stop. When I got too exhausted last night, I eventually passed out. But my sleep was fitful because even then my mind was active and worrying.
Now as I wake up this morning, I still feel him behind me. I thought he would have left by now but he’s still here, and his arms are wrapped tightly around me. The last twenty-four hours have definitely taken its toll on me. I don’t know what to do with my life anymore.
I’m not sure what today, or even next week will bring for me. I keep having this bad feeling that it’s not over even if Knox says he’s changed. I mean, he could be lying. I guess I’ll have to wait and see how this will all turn out.
His action from here on out will clue me in. It’s always best not to trust a word out of the devil’s mouth. Beautiful beings always cause the most damage and oftentimes, you’re already in too deep to get away from being burned.
At this point in my sorry life, all I want is some peace. As I’m lying here, I’m worried that once the sun comes out fully, everything he said last night will turn out to be another one of his games and he’s still fucking with me. I’m scared he’ll go back to being the bully I’ve come to know over the last few weeks.
