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It’s only beenthree days since the wedding.
Three days since the hospital incident.
Three days since Knox did a complete change on me. I still don’t know what to make of that.
I haven’t been to school in three days but I’m going today. I’m stressed about school and my grades even more now since I saw that I failed the last test I took.
I’m fucking drowning in despair and it feels like the weight of everything is crushing me. I need to get into any college at this point. I still want to get out of this town. That part of my plan hasn’t changed at all.
It’s Halloween today and I’m not even happy about it even though it’s always been one of my absolute favorite holidays. In the three days that we’ve been home after the incident as I like to call it, things between Knox and I have been civil.
Actually, he’s been a pain in my fucking ass!
I’ve been constantly giving him the cold shoulder because I’m still so full of hatred toward him. Right now, I don’t want anything to do with him but he’s being unbearable.
I can’t go anywhere without him as my shadow and it’s getting annoying. He said it’s because he’s keeping an eye on me so that I don’t get any more drugs while I’m out of the house. Obviously he knows what he’s talking about since that was my intention. I feel like a fish out of water, not being able to take the pills to calm me the fuck down.
I can’t even pee in peace without him there. He says he’s just making sure I don’t do some dumb shit like use something else in the place of drugs to get high or cut myself again. I mean, if I have to suffer through his overbearing ass for any longer, I just might slit my fucking wrist and let him deal with that shit.
The other annoying thing is that every single day, he sits there and watches me to make sure I eat. We’ve had some major ups and downs with that. The first few days I couldn’t stop myself from throwing everything up, and then I’d go through some breakdowns and curse his ass out. But this last week, it’s sort of gotten a little better. I’m starting to keep things down a little more, though it’s going to take a very long time for me to get back to my old self, the pre-Riverside version of me. I have too much trauma to work through.
Mom calls every day. She’s been enjoying her honeymoon. I pretend that I’m fine and enjoying Riverside because I don’t want her to worry. I want her to stay happy. I’m honestly glad she’s gone and not here to witness the disaster that is my life right now.
I’m trying to work through all my issues and I’m still wary of him. I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. I can’t get myself to fully let my guard down and that’s made things awkward.
But he just bulldozes his way into my space and won’t let me be away from him. He’s also been making me sleep in his bed every night because he doesn’t want us to be apart.
So yeah, he’s been an unbearable asshole most of the time. I’ve been trying to work through some of my issues with his help and I won’t lie. I’m still confused as fuck by his change and I’m still waiting for the disaster I know is coming. I know because sometimes you just feel these sorts of things deep inside your soul.
According to the website that I can’t stay away from, people have been losing their minds, wondering where we were since neither of us have been to school after the wedding. There’s a lot of speculation.
They don’t know what’s going to happen now. Hell, I don’t even know what’s going to happen and it’s my life. Even though he’s been here, I can feel him holding back somehow, which might be for the best. I still don’t trust him.Hating him had been easier.
The asshole made it his mission to constantly be in my space today. People are noticing if the looks and whispers they were giving me was any indication. I don’t know what to make of his behavior but I am all around exhausted, trying to figure him out.
I think that’s why he forces himself in my space all the time. Whenever I get angry at him, when I remember those things, he just fucks me. Obviously that’s not good but what else can I do when the guy acts all possessive and obsessive now?
If I didn’t know better, I’d think we were joined at the hip with the way he acts now. I’m not allowed to be out of his sight for too long or it’s like some part of his brain disconnects and he goes all caveman.
Even with all that’s going on, I’m worried about things. We haven’t put any sort of label on whatever the fuck this is, but we’re stepsiblings now. We’re definitely not supposed to be fucking each other. That’s the whole other issue that keeps me up at night.
I love him… I hate him…
And that’s how it goes on repeat inside my head. I’m never telling him about the love part because he deserves to suffer and I’ll make that happen somehow. Things have been bad, especially inside my head and I’m just itching to get high again. The feeling is so unbearable, it feels like if I don’t get high soon, I’ll literally die. But the asshole watches me like a hawk and I’m beginning to feel unsettled again. I no longer have the things that helped me cope.
I’m itching to get out of this town when the time comes. As much as I’ve developed feelings for Knox this past little while, I still remember that he hurt me. I’ve been living with that pain inside me all this time, and it won’t go away. It’s deep seated in my soul and it will take a miracle to get all the hurt and anger out of my system.
I walk into the hall and walk straight to my locker with my head down. I can still hear the murmurs and whispers whenever I walk by. I’m starting to think that’ll never stop. Whenever Knox is around, they keep their mouths shut but whenever he isn’t, they find their bravery.
How fucking miserable must your life be to constantly be tearing someone else down on a daily basis?
Before I can open my locker to grab my books, I’m spun around and Knox’s lips slam down on mine. I’m vaguely aware of the instant whispering and gasps around us as I kiss him back. I can’t seem to control my hormones around him.
I can’t believe that he just openly claimed me when we’ve just been back here for like half a day and I’ve been telling him how much I hate him every chance I get. What he just did is on a whole other level because now they all know that it’s more than that.
“Now they know. You’re not my secret and I want everyone to know that you’re mine. Like I said before, you’re everything to me now, baby,” he whispers in my ear. He pulls away from the kiss and then walks away with the guys.
I’m still in shock at what just happened. When I look up, my eyes clash with Ivy’s and she has fire in hers. Fucking hell, this isn’t going to end well where she’s concerned. This bitch has been the bane of my existence since day one. I don’t know when she’ll get it into her thick head that Knox doesn’t want her cheating ass anymore.
