“Go away,” I tell him.
“What the hell are you doing?” Knox snaps at me. “Do you have a death wish or something?”
“What the hell are you doing? So what if I did? Are you going to save me?” I snicker. Well I mean, he just did, but I wasn’t really trying to die so there’s that. He doesn’t answer. He keeps staring at me.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought. But don’t worry, if I did have a death wish, I’d make sure you didn’t find me in time,” I say, smiling at him.
“You didn’t answer my question. What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to be alone. Why else would I be here, dummy? Not that it’s any of your business because you don’t stick your dick inside girls who look like cows, right?” I say and slur my words. It doesn’t seem like my tongue wants to work. I blow out a raspberry just to make sure it is working and see that it is.
I go to move away from him but my foot lands on one of the tequila bottles I left lying on the grass. I almost slip but he catches me. His eyes focus on the bottles.
“Are you fucking drunk right now?” he snaps at me. It’s a good thing I had the foresight to hide the pills in my bag or he would have been extra mad now. That thought causes a giggle to escape me. “You think this is funny?”
“You know, you could do it right here and right now and no one would ever have to know. Plus, you’d never have to see me again. You’d get your wish,” I say, slurring my words.
“Do what?” he asks, puzzled.
“Murder me with your bare hands and then toss me over the rails. I’m sorry I can’t bring back your mother but I can be dead along with her…” I say in a tone filled with all the heartache I feel. It’s now that I realize that his words are what really made me spiral today. I’m sobbing again.
I never wanted to be weak or vulnerable in front of him but right now, my chest aches so bad it’s hard to breathe. I push away from him and fall to my knees, grasping and rubbing my chest, willing the pain to go away. My breaths come in faster and faster as the seconds tick by.
“Fuck!” he curses just as I let out a scream. Whatever the fuck I’m feeling in this moment, it’s consuming me. The pain and self-loathing I’ve been feeling is finally catching up to me. I knew it was only a matter of time before I blew.
“Just fucking do it and get it over with! I just want to finally be at peace.” I gasp the words out. “Why won’t you just let me be at peace?”
“I’m not going to kill you,” he tells me.
“But I know you fucking want to!” I scream at him. “Just do it and get it over with!”
“I want to! So fucking bad! But I won’t do it!”
“Why? Because I’m begging for it and it’s not on your terms?” I ask, and then begin laughing hysterically. I wish he would. It would end all my fucking misery.
I lunge for him and we both go crashing onto the grass because he wasn’t expecting the move. I move to straddle his hips and then pound on his chest while telling him how much I hate him over and over again.
In the next instant, before I even know what’s happening, he flips us over so that he’s on top of me. We’re staring at each other. I have no idea who moves first but in a second, his lips are on mine.
This kiss is filled with the passion we both pretend doesn’t exist between us. I kiss him back just as hard as he’s kissing me. One of his arms moves to grab my hip as he pulls me closer to him. We’re already close so I don’t know how much closer he wants us to be.
The front of our bodies touch as he deepens the kiss. It’s hard and fast, brutal and cruel, just like the man on top of me. We’re both lying here in the pouring rain, kissing like our lives depend on it. Neither one of us seems to mind or even care that we’re out in the open like this. Then again, I don’t think many people even come here. When he finally pulls away, both our chests are heaving with the intensity of that kiss.
“That’s the first time you’ve ever kissed me,” I whisper, touching my lips with my cold fingers as more tears slip down my face. I don’t know if he can tell or not since the tears are mixed with the rain.
A second later, he sits up and then pulls me onto his lap. I straddle him with my legs on either side of his and he pulls my face to his again and kisses me some more. There’s more fire in this kiss and even though it’s cold, his kiss seems to be burning me from the inside out.
When he pulls back from the kiss, he lifts me up a little and unbuckles his pants. He takes his cock out, then he lifts my skirt up.
He growls at me. “Where the hell are your panties?”
“You took them earlier, remember?” I ask. He makes a sound deep in his throat that has me wet in no time. He then grabs a hold of his cock and places the head at the entrance to my pussy. Gripping my waist, he slams me down onto his cock in one quick move.
In an instant, I’m impaled on his cock and I let out a scream at the pain of him inside me. I’m so full but his cock is rubbing against the gauze and medical tape I have around my pussy lips, plus the pain from the cut is making itself known.
He lets out a grunt as he starts to move inside me. His cock is stretching my walls, and it hurts but I’m also liking it. I guess he was right when he called me a pain slut. Right now, I’m trying to focus on the little pleasure. He grabs a hold of my hips and moves me in a back-and-forth motion.
I rest my head on his shoulders as he keeps moving my hips back and forth and begins to thrust up into me. I let out a moan. The feeling of pleasure is so good right now. He keeps filling me up to the hilt with each of his thrusts.