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“Yeah. I hope so too. Are you ready to talk about what happened in the first place?” Ax questions. They have very good concerns here but I’m never talking about it. If she ever finds out, she’ll want absolutely nothing to do with me. She’ll probably think I’m the devil himself.
“No. I’m never telling anyone that because it’s something that might break her,” I tell them honestly. “I don’t want that to ever happen.”
“It’s fine. We get it, man. You have to do what’s best for her. She’s already been through so much,” Ash says and I nod.
“Think she’ll ever forgive you?” Ax questions.
“No clue. But that doesn’t matter because she’s mine,” I say with all the confidence in the world.
“I hope for your sake she does, because I don’t want you to unleash the crazy on her,” Ash says with a laugh and that causes me to chuckle as well.
We continue chatting while eating our lunch, all the while I’m aware of the stares being pointed our way. I know they’re all wondering what the hell is going on but they don’t need to. All they need to do is follow my instructions.
When lunch is over and she doesn’t come back, I know she’s pulled another runner. I don’t freak out. Instead, I pull my phone out and check the tracking app. I see that she’s home so that eases my worry.
I’ll give her a few hours alone because she needs it. I could tell by seeing the look on her face earlier. She needs time to work out whatever shit is going on inside her head.
“I’m out,” I say to Ash and Ax.
“Do you want us to come with?” Ash asks.
“No. I’m just going to go see Mom before heading home. Haven’t been in a while,” I tell them with a sigh. They both nod.
“Call us if you need anything,” Ax says and I nod this time before walking out of the cafeteria and toward the parking lot for my car.
I stop and grab some flowers before heading to the cemetery. Once I step out of the car, I take a moment and just stand there. There’s a gentle but cool breeze that caresses my skin and I take in a deep breath before walking over to where her tomb is.
It’s by a tree, which gives her shade. I take a seat by the tree, under the shade, and place the flowers on top before sitting there for a while.
“Hey, Mom. I know it’s been a while since I’ve been here but I have some news. I love her, Ma. I hope you don’t hate me for that. I tried to hate her, I really did, but then I almost lost her. It made me realize how much she means to me. Dad is still an asshole and he’s on vacation with his new wife. I’m trying not to hate them but I still do. The only person I don’t hate anymore is her. She makes me feel at peace. She makes me smile without even trying. But then I remember all the things I did to her and it always dims,” I say. I lift my hand to wipe my eyes when my vision blurs. I didn’t even realize that I was crying.
“My smile dims, but it’s nothing compared to hers. She doesn’t even have one and the sadness in her eyes bleeds out of her every single day. I fucking hate myself, Mom. I didn’t break her which I’m thankful for now, but she doesn’t have that light in her eyes anymore. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but see that it looks like something died inside her. I don’t know what it is. Maybe that’s why she’s always fighting with me because it makes her feel less dead inside. I don’t know but I wish you could give me some advice. I don’t want her to hurt anymore…”
There’s obviously no response. I hate the fact that I’ll never be able to hear her voice again, and that pain is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. When I finally get myself together, I stand up to leave.
“Love you now and forever, Ma. Regardless of the circumstance and what she is… you would have loved her,” I say before heading to my car.
Before heading home, I head on over to Ezra’s house and his housekeeper lets me in. I’ve been here a million times so I know which way to go for Ez’s bedroom.
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t ‘mister I’ve-finally-gotten-my-head-out-of-my-ass, Knox,’” Ezra says cheekily when I enter his bedroom. I roll my eyes at him.
“Fine. You’re the only one who’s getting a ‘you were right’ from me,” I say as I take a seat by his bedside.
“I told you you’d end up loving her,” he says with a smirk. He looks pale and I’m instantly worried about him.
“You did. I messed up royally. She hates me,” I say, letting out a sigh.
“Well, hopefully not forever. Just work some of your charm on her,” he says, waggling his brows.
“I wish it was that easy,”
“By the way, that apology was top tier today,” he says with a smirk.
“How do you even know about that?”
“Axel sent me the video,” he says laughing.
“Great. That better not end up on the internet!”
