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“Babe, stop! What the hell did you do to yourself?” he demands.
“I hate you!” I cry as I continue to hit him. The screaming starts. The more I scream, the madder I get, and the more I try to fight him. He tries to avoid my hits as much as he can but I still manage to catch him a few times.
He spins me around and grabs me from behind, putting both my arms behind my back. He holds them with one arm before using the other to place it just above my breast. I start kicking and screaming more. He maneuvers us so that we’re on the floor and he’s holding me between his legs.
“Hey, hey. Shh. Calm down. Tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it, baby. I hate seeing you like this,”
“It’s all your fault.” I sob even harder than before. All the memories of what happened and the dreams come to the forefront of my mind.
“What’s my fault, baby?”
“You let them hurt me!”
“Baby…” he says in a drawn out and pained voice.
“You let them hurt me! You didn’t do anything to protect me and now I’m broken.”
“I’m so fucking sorry, baby! I promise no one will hurt you again,” he whispers while rocking us back and forth. I know he thinks I’m talking about the bullying and name calling, and I leave it that way since I don’t want to tell him about the rape.
“It’s too late! It’s too late to fix what they broke!” I wail.
“Tell me what happened and I’ll fix it,” he begs desperately.
“It doesn’t matter. You’ll never be able to fix what they broke.”
He lets go of my arm and hugs me while still rocking us. I start to hit my head, trying to get the memories to go away. I don’t want to think about this anymore. I don’t want to constantly think about them and what they did to me. I don’t want to be scared of that fact that they could get to me again. I know Trent wants more of me and I’m terrified of that.
I start screaming and going crazy again. I don’t know how else to expel all the emotions and pain I’ve been bottling up for the longest time.
Knox gets to his feet and runs out of the bathroom when I get a little too much for him to handle. I grab the razor and get two cuts in before he’s back.
“What the fuck are you doing, baby?!” he snaps before he takes the blade away from me, being careful not to cut me.
“Shut the fuck up! It’s none of your business!”
“It is my business because I fucking care about you! You’re the most important thing in my life,” he growls at me.
“Well don’t. Nobody asked you to!” I snap.
“I love you and I’m sorry for this, but you need to rest,” he says in a softer voice now. I’m about to ask him what he means by that when I feel a prick on my neck. I look at him with my eyes wide before the overwhelming need to sleep pulls me under and I close my eyes.
Seventeen
KNOX
I thinkmy heart literally stopped for a moment when I made it to Raine’s room and saw her standing there in her bathroom, in front of her mirror, sobbing, with blood running down her arms while she was in the middle of cutting her hair off.
I’ve never seen something so devastatingly painful. I’ve never felt so utterly helpless except for the time I found my mother dead inside her room. Now that was worse but this comes to a close second. Seeing Raine like this is bringing back so many memories.
Memories that I want to forget but can’t because they’re entwined so deep in my soul I won’t ever be able to get rid of them.
When the sound of another sob rips out of her, I finally pull myself out of whatever fog I was just in and quickly rush into the bathroom.
The first thing I do is grab the scissors away from her before throwing them to the side. It falls into the tub with a clatter as I grab her in my arms to try and calm her down.
Touching her seems to have been the wrong thing to do. Whatever is going on inside her head causes her to act out. She starts to scream and curse before she starts to hit me. I’m confused because I have no idea what is going on with her. There’s no reasoning with her.
As much as I try to calm her down, it isn’t working. My voice seems to set her off. Since she’s too worked up, she keeps fighting me. I don’t know what the fuck could have happened from the time she left school to come home that’s brought on this change in her. She literally is a ticking time bomb.
