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I knew she was upset when she left the cafeteria but I didn’t think she’d lose it like this. Fucking hell, I should have come after her ass right away when I realized that she left school and was home. But I thought that giving her some time alone and some space would have helped her sort through the mess in her head but clearly, it didn’t.
Her wails and tears send an arrow straight to my heart. I can hear the pain that sounds like it’s coming from deep within her soul and it makes me feel like shit. I honestly wish I could snap my fingers and take all her pain away. I’m not sure how to get through to her.
I loved when she kept fighting me because it showed me that she was still kind of herself but something feels like it’s changed. I don’t know what. This isn’t my fighter who’s standing here in front of me. This girl seems—broken…
The sheer terror that thought causes me is too much to bear. I want nothing more than to bulldoze my damn way inside her. I want to burrow myself so deep inside her body and soul so that I’m the only thing she sees. Maybe then she’ll believe that I love her and want to make it up to her.
The thought of her ending up with someone else makes me want to commit murder. I don’t want to show her how obsessed I’ve become because then she really will try to run from me. I guess I’ll have to try this being nice thing a little longer and see how it goes. I want her to think that she’s the one making the decisions and not me influencing them. Devious, I know, but this is what I’ve resorted to.
When she gets too out of control and I’m afraid she’ll hurt herself more if she keeps going on like this, I quickly rush out of her bathroom and into my room to grab one of the sedatives I collected from our doctor. I’m glad I had the foresight to get this. I figured I’d probably need it someday and I was right.
If she continues like this, then it won’t be any good for her or her mental health. That’s the main thing that I want to protect.
I hurry back to her and almost lose my shit on her. It’s like she wants to drive me crazy! She’s already cutting her arm again and I was only gone for like two seconds. I let out a frustrated growl but it’s like she doesn’t even hear me. Clearly, she can’t be left alone anymore. She starts to yell some more when I get closer to her.
“I love you and I’m sorry for this, but you need to rest,” I tell her as I move quickly and inject the sedative into her neck. I just couldn’t stand to see her like this. She looks at me with wide, stunned eyes like she can’t believe I just did that. I feel like a bastard for doing it but it had to be done. A moment later, her eyes flutter closed and her bloody body goes limp in my arms.
I throw the needle into the bin before lifting her up, and carrying her into her room. I gently lay her down on the bed before walking back into the bathroom to grab a washcloth. I wet it with some warm water and then get some bandages and make my way back to her.
I sit on the side of the bed next to her and begin to clean her up. I wipe all the blood away from her body before cleaning all the cuts, giving them all a gentle kiss before wrapping the bandages around her arms. I hate it when she does this. I definitely need to keep a closer eye on her now. Once I’m done, I put on a pair of panties on her and then one of her night shirts. I set her body properly on the bed before pulling the blankets over her.
I make my way to the bathroom and let out a sigh at the mess. Nevertheless, I clean up all the blood from the floor and all the stuff she threw and broke. Once that’s done, I tend to the few scratches she managed to inflict on me before leaving the bathroom and closing the door behind me.
I walk over to the other side of her bed and slip my shirt off before slipping into bed and under the blanket with her. I lie down on my side and then pull her in closer to me. Her face is against my chest with her head right under my chin. I set her arms so that I won’t hurt them before setting one of mine under her neck for support. I put the other one around her waist, holding her tightly against me.
I gently place a kiss against her forehead before looking at her face. She finally looks like she’s at peace because of the sedative. It was the right call even if she hates me when she wakes up.
“I wish I knew what was bothering you. What is hurting you so I could fix it. But I know you don’t trust me enough to tell me and I hate that. I know it’s not me because even though you hate me, I know you also love me. So, this is something else entirely…” I whisper, trailing off into the darkness, trying to think about what’s going on with her.
I don’t sleep at all. Instead, I spend hours watching over her. Thoughts of how I keep coming close to possibly losing her eats away at me. She’s literally one wrong cut, one wrong pill, one wrong drink, or something that could possibly kill her. I have to admit that I’m scared of that possibility.
I don’t want that to ever come true. I need her more than I ever thought possible. It would break me if she wasn’t here with me anymore.
The sedative I gave her wasn’t a strong one so a few hours later, while I’m still awake and watching her, I hear her whimper. I look down at her and see tears running down her cheeks.
She doesn’t wake up though and I wonder what the hell is making her cry in her sleep. I gently wipe the tears away and hug her tighter while rubbing her back in a soothing up and down motion. It works to calm her down and a few minutes later, she settles down again.
When morning finally comes, I’m still awake and tired, but watching over her was worth it. She felt good in my arms all night long. I lie there while she continues to sleep. It’s about an hour later when she finally stirs.
She makes to stretch but when she feels me next to her, she stiffens before opening her pretty eyes and looking up at me. There’s a guarded and wary look on her face but I don’t pay it any mind.
“Morning, baby,” I whisper before placing a kiss on her forehead. Her face crumples as she begins to cry. I let go of her and sit up so that my back is against the headboard before pulling her up onto my lap.
She straddles me with both her legs on either side of mine and her head on my chest as she continues to cry.
“Please tell me what’s wrong,” I whisper, begging her to talk to me. I keep my voice soft and calm so I don’t spook her but she shakes her head no.
“You can’t fix this because it’s already happened…” she trails off. Her body jerks with the crying and I tighten my hold on her.
“What’s happened?” I question.
“Nothing… It doesn’t matter. Not anymore,” she sobs.
“Well then what happened last night? Why did you hurt yourself again?”
“Because I wanted to. I don’t know what else to do or how else to cope with all the pain inside me.” She sniffles.
“You’re going to stop that! The next time you do something to hurt yourself, I will check you into a psychiatric facility. You’re a danger to yourself,” I tell her in my most stern voice so that she knows I’m being serious.
