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“Fuck!” I vaguely hear Knox whisper. “Why the fuck would you just say that shit like that?” he snaps.
I stopped all movements at the doctor’s words. I’m almost in a comatose state as his words finally begin to penetrate and what those words mean. I was pregnant, but now I’m not…
“I-I didn’t know,” I whisper to Knox. “I killed our baby!” I gasp and then completely lose it. How the fuck could this have happened? How come I didn’t know? I never remembered to track my period and Knox was fucking me raw this whole time. I don’t know why I didn’t think about that. Now, because of my carelessness and recklessness, I lost the baby.
Oh my God! I feel sick to my stomach and the pain of losing the baby I didn’t even know about hits me so hard and square in the chest, I cry out. I start to scream and thrash about, pulling the tubes out of me. It literally feels like my heart is cracking and breaking inside me. This pain, the pain I’m feeling right now, is nothing compared to what I’ve felt before. This one is soul shattering and fuck, it feels like I’m really dying. I want nothing more than to get out of here.
I make it to my feet but Knox is right there in front of me. He grabs onto me, holding me with one arm around my shoulder and one around my waist.
“Hey, hey. Settle down. All this stress isn’t good for you,” he says, trying to get me to calm down but I feel like I’m about to hyperventilate.
“How can you say that? I killed our baby! I deserve everything that happens to me. Don’t you care about the baby? I guess you wouldn’t since fucking me was just for revenge!” I snap at him.
“Shut the fuck up, baby! Of course, I fucking care about the fact that we lost our baby but I have to fucking take care of you and make sure you’re good before we can even begin to heal from this. You’re not any kind of revenge fuck. You’re my fucking life. Like I said before, I will not let you kill yourself because I know that’s where your mind is heading right now!” he snaps.
“Ahhh!! Why the fuck am I paying for everyone’s sins and mistakes and revenge?” I scream.
“I will make the two of them fucking pay for what they did to you, baby. I swear on my fucking life!”
“You know?” I sob.
“I found your drawings and I heard you before I came in,” he says.
“You can leave now because I’m just used-up trash! You were all big on I shouldn’t fuck anyone else blah blah blah…”
“You’re it for me, babe, so I’m not fucking leaving! Fucking quit that shit. That was not your fault! It was all the two of them and their sick and twisted minds, but they will pay. I’m so sorry, baby. I know it happened because of me and I’m begging you for your forgiveness. Just know, I will fuck their shit up!” he growls at me.
My breathing gets faster again and I feel a panic attack coming on. I try to push him away so I can get away from him. As I begin to fight harder, he holds onto me tighter. He’s holding one of my arms.
“Do it!” he snaps and a moment later, I feel a prick against my arm. I begin to feel drowsy and he moves to place me back onto the bed. He lays me down gently and I feel someone grab my arms and start to hook me up to the machines again.
“I hate you,” I manage to whisper to him.
“I know. But I’d rather do this, than have you hurt yourself anymore. Rest for now,” he says as he places a kiss on my forehead. It’s the last thing I feel as I pass out.
Twenty-Seven
KNOX
As soon asRaine passes out from the sedative I had the doctor give her, I place another kiss on her forehead before raising up with all intentions of leaving the room for now. I need to be alone to process some of the shit that went down.
Hopefully she’s going to be passed out for a while. Since I don’t want to be around the parents right now, I need to leave the room. I’m so fucking close to losing my shit after hearing the pain and anger in her voice when she was screaming at everyone.
It fucking cut me deep when she was yelling at me. It brought back all the shit I’ve done to her, but nothing gutted me more than when she talked about being raped. I would have never given the go ahead for anyone to go that far, but those two idiots did. I swear to fucking God, I’m going to kill them. Their days on this earth are fucking numbered. Did they somehow think that I’d never find out and wouldn’t deal with them? Cocky fuckers if that’s what they thought. They have no fucking idea what’s coming their way.
I do know that this all happened because of me, so I fully take all the blame. I know why those two assholes did what they did though. Trent hates me. I never cared about him or any of that shit but that was before he messed with what was mine. The guy has had a hard-on for me since forever, simply because I was good at everything I did, and he felt like he was in my shadow.
What the asshole failed to realize is that he didn’t have to live under my shadow. He could have shined on his own just like the other guys on the team do, but he was the one to take up the position of being under me. I guess now I realize that when you’re blinded by hate, nothing else makes sense in your mind, and doing dumb shit is always at the forefront.
As for Ivy, I know it’s because I dipped my dick in her before. She thought she could change me and that she suddenly had some kind of claim over me when she never did. I was nothing but fucking honest with the skank from the beginning.
I told her that I didn’t do girlfriends and she wasn’t going to be the exception. She fucking agreed to everything I told her and now she had the audacity to pull the shit she did with that fucking rapist.
At the time, I never gave anyone the impression I wanted to be attached to anyone and that was simply for the fact that no one ever made me feel half of what I feel for Raine. She knocked me off-kilter from the moment I laid eyes on her and I haven’t been the same since.
Yeah, yeah. I know I’m not exactly a stellar human being with all the shit I put her through but when I fucked her, I knew she wanted it. I knew even then that she was going to be mine. I don’t care if anyone else thinks it’s wrong because fuck them. I’ve never lived my life to please anyone before and I wasn’t about to start now.
As for all the shit I made happen in the beginning, when I finally came to my senses and realized what she meant to me, I changed. I’ve been trying to help her and make up for it all but my girl is so damn stubborn.And yes, I have to say that for the millionth time.
