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“Oh my gosh, honey! Are you alright?” she questions as she starts to make her way to my bed.
“Don’t come any closer!” I say. She stops in her tracks and looks questioningly at me. I wasn’t planning on doing this right now but seeing them so normal, like they don’t have a care in the world while my whole life has been nothing but horrible since moving here, is just pushing me over the edge. If I don’t say something, I just might lose my mind completely.
“Honey? What’s wrong?” she asks, sounding hurt by my words. At this moment, I don’t care about her or her feelings.
“Was it worth it?” I question.
“Was what worth it?” she asks cautiously.
“Lying to me my whole fucking life!” I scream at her since she wants to act like she doesn’t know what I’m talking about.
“Honey, calm down. What are you talking about?” she asks but the expression on her face tells me she knows exactly what I’m talking about.
“Hello, Father,” I snap as I turn to look at Jonathan instead of answering my mother. I hear her let out a gasp.
“Sweetheart, I can explain,” she starts but I raise my hand to stop her.
“Explain what? How you’ve been fucking him for as long as he’s been married? That you’ve lied to me my entire life? Or how about his wife knew all about it and that’s why she killed herself? You two are fucking despicable!” I yell. She has tears in her eyes. I don’t realize I’m crying as well until I taste the saltiness of my tears.
“That’s not what happened at all. You don’t know the entire stor—” she starts but I cut her off. I don’t want to hear any of her lies anymore.
“You’re going to stand there and tell me you haven’t been with him for years? Is that why you and Dad were fighting all those times? Shit, what am I saying? He’s not even my fucking dad!” I spit at her. “I hate both of you! I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive either of you. Did you know that Knox knew?” I question through the full-on sobs now.
“What?” Jonathan asks, looking a little pale.
“Oh yeah, Knox knows all about him being my brother. And do you want to know what he fucking did?” I scream. “He hated me. He’s hated me from the moment I got here. I didn’t even do anything except exist. He made everyone bully me! Your secret and lies made him turn me into a target! Everyone here hates me and I just want to fucking die! Then he took it further by fucking me, knowing that I was his half-sister. Guess that was his big fuck you to the both of you. But now he’s singing a different tune, saying that he loves me. The bullying stopped but guess what? Not everyone was okay with that… someone raped me!” I sob out.
“Honey—” my mom says sobbing.
“Because of him I was raped! Someone didn’t like that he was supposedly with me by then. And this is both your faults for lying! I fucking hate all of you! So, if you could get the fuck out of my room that would be great! Go back to where the fuck you were so you can live with each other after ruining so many fucking lives!” I scream at them. By now the machine next to me is beeping off the charts.
I hear another noise at the door and look up to see Knox walking into the room looking stricken.
“Baby…” he says before rushing over to my bed as well but I stop him too.
“Stay the fuck away from me! I hate you too, brother!” I spit with venom in my voice.
“I’ll never stay away from you. I fucking love you! Nothing will ever keep me away from you and you know it! I’ve been showing you I care and how much I’ve changed over the last few days and you know it!” he grumbles.
“And what? That’s supposed to make me feel better? You know, when I first got here and you showed me your hate, I racked my brain trying to figure out what I did and why you hated me. Now that I know, I wish I fucking didn’t. You used me and hurt me because you hated them for what they did, but I was fucking innocent.I was fucking innocent in it all,” I whisper through my sobs.
“I’m so fucking sorry, baby! You’ll never know how much,” he whispers with tears running down his face too.
“Get out!” I scream at him once again. The anger and rage, the pain and heartache, are too much. I can’t bear to look at him right now.
“Baby—” he starts but I cut him off.
“I hate you! I fucking hate you so much! You ruined my whole fucking life! If it wasn’t for you, then I wouldn’t be in so much agony! If it wasn’t for your hatred, then I wouldn’t have been taking drugs to cope with all the mental issues I’ve been having. I wouldn’t have been raped. I wouldn’t fucking feel like I’m constantly dying every single day because I can’t get rid of the memories that torment me. They’re always there taunting me and making me feel worthless. This all happened because I fucking exist, right? I fucking hate all of you!” I yell through the sobs that are threatening to choke me.
My breathing picks up and I rub my chest, trying to get the pain to go away. I don’t think anything can lessen it. The heart monitor begins beeping faster and louder it seems, but I don’t know how to calm myself.
All I feel is the extreme pain in my heart and soul. It feels like it’s eating me from the inside out and all I want is for it to go away. Knox rushes over to me and grabs me by the shoulders.
“Hey, baby! Look at me. You need to calm down! This isn’t good for you,” he says, trying to get me calm but it isn’t working. All he’s doing is making me angrier.
Just then a doctor and a nurse rush into the room and the doctor starts speaking right away.
“Miss Carrington, I need you to calm down. You just had a miscarriage and this amount of stress isn’t good for you,” he says.
