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By now, the young girl in the kitchen has joined the woman in the doorway. She's mimicking her stance with arms crossed and a savage glare in her eyes. I can't process anything she's just said under that kind of unforgiving stare.
Especially since I don't have much of a defense. It's true. Iwasmessing around on Vanessa. I just didn't realizesheknew that.
"Okay, okay," I say, throwing my hands up in surrender. "You're right. I shouldn't have come here. Could you just…well, it was my boss who sent me here actually. Could you let Vanessa know…she got the job at Bardot. They want her to start as soon as possible. I believe she knows who to call to work out the details."
I turn to leave before they can respond. I doubt the good news will do anything to change how they see me, and I guess I deserve that.
Now that the wind has been knocked right out of my righteously angry sails, I'm forced to face the stupidity of my actions from the afternoon. I was too angry to drive, which means now I have no choice but to call another Uber to take me back to the hospital where my car is still parked. After that, the hours seem to drag on forever before I can finally call it a night and head home.
I spend the rest of the evening wallowing in guilt and how stupid I feel. This whole time, it never once occurred to me that maybe Vanessa knew she was justified in blowing me off…that she did exactly what I deserved. I was young and arrogant and thought I was untouchable, that I could do whatever I wanted and never get caught. Oh, how wrong I was. It's only fair that ignorance has caused me so much grievance these past ten years.
But what about this past week? Vanessa knew the truth this whole time. But at lunch when she could have easily told me off, she tried to play it off like I was right. She pretended to be some cold heartbreaker who blew me off for no reason. Now I know…Iwas the one whohurt her.
And now I also know we're about to be working very closely together. Under any other circumstances, it'd be my worst nightmare to have to work side by side with someone I wronged in the past like that. But in this case…she was the one who tried to play along with it. She wishes she was so cold and untouchable, that she could have been the one to walk out of my life without a second thought or explanation.
This changes everything.
7
Vanessa
Isift through the seas of papers, slides, and research that are spread out across my lab station - wondering if I will ever be able to take my ideas somewhere that actually has the budget and ambition to bring them to life.
It's been a full day since I got in touch with the hiring committee at Bardot and informed them of the conflict of interest and discrimination that obviously played out with Joshua's influence over their decision not to hire me. Despite how mortified and apologetic they sounded over the phone, and their assurances that they would be investigating the matter thoroughly, I haven't heard anything from them since.
I thought with Joshua out of the way, that job would be mine.
But…what if it wasn't so simple? What if Joshua was right and there really is something legitimate that makes me unqualified for the role? I haven't exactly been stable or professional lately. I lied to Sturgill Bardot and pretended to be a reporter just to get Joshua to sit down with me and talk this out, when a reasonable, sane person would have just reported the conflict of interest the moment I found out about it.
You take things too personally, and when something doesn't go your way…you never let it go.
It's a hard pill to swallow, but I know he's right. I thought that passion would make me good at my job. But that same passion has wreaked havoc on my personal life, and now when it comes to Joshua Ashford…the two are intertwined by a cruel twist of fate.
If the position at Bardot was all I cared about, I would have handled things completely different. But that wasn't all there was to it. I was still out for vengeance against Joshua for breaking my heart. I was so wrapped up in my grudge that I couldn't see clearly.
Then again…it's not like Joshua behaved any better. There's no way he actually looked at everything I've accomplished in recent years before he told them not to hire me. Maybe I do take my work a little too personally. But I refuse to believe his personal motives weren't a driving force whatever he said about me to the committee.
He knows what he did when we were together in college. He didn't respect me then, and he doesn't respect me now. He was so ready to discard me just as carelessly as he did a decade ago.
"Chin up, buttercup," Noah says to me, his voice permeating my thoughts out of nowhere.
But for once, I don't jump. Everything just feels dull and gray, and I can't dig myself out of this funk to care about anything…not even enough to be startled. My reflexes aren't working.
"Oh, hey," I mutter over my shoulder. "I'm fine."
"You've been staring at this pile of stuff for an hour now," he says with a sympathetic smirk. "You're obviously not fine. Vanessa, listen… If Bardot doesn't realize what they're missing out on by not hiring you, then it's not meant to be. You're the smartest person I've ever met, and your ideas are innovative. Any lab is lucky to have you."
I look around the room, taking in the moldy pipes and leaking ceilings. I can't help but laugh.
"This place is a joke, Noah. And you know that. If I'm such a prize, why am I stuck here?"
"You know it takes time for the most brilliant minds to receive the credit they're due," he argues. "Maybe it doesn't even happen in this lifetime."
"Oh, that's reassuring," I huff.
"I'm sorry. I was trying to help. I'm really not so good at this."
I reach out and put a hand on his shoulder. "No, you are. It's me. I'm just…I'm feeling defeated today, and I can't focus on anything. I'm going to go home early and come back at it fresh tomorrow, okay?"
