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My heartbeat doesn't return to a normal rate until well after Addy is dropped off at her dance class. We were on time today, and I didn't have to rush. I cling to those benefits in my mind as I replay the events of the morning.
The hours and pay at Bardot are going to be life changing. We're already enjoying the perks, and it's just my first day. But working with Ashford? That's proving to be far more difficult than I could have imagined.
9
Joshua
Vanessa leaves me alone and aching in the empty meeting room. I shouldn't have stormed her like that. I don't know what came over me. But the residual effects of feeling my body so close to hers again has me reeling.
The last thing I need right now on top of that physical overload is a lecture from Hudson or Sturgill, and I know I have plenty more of those coming my way. I reside to accepting Vanessa's orders for now and go to hide out in the coffee shop down the street from the hospital to start looking over her presentation.
I order a black coffee and settle in at one of the tables with my laptop, then pull up the file she emailed me. No matter how hard I try to make myself focus on it, my mind keeps drifting.
Why does she keep saying I don't know anything about what happened?It's not rocket science. I fucked up. She caught me cheating, and rather than confront me about it - she blew me off. It had to take a lot of willpower to be that classy about it.
Unless of course both sides of the story are true. What if she was just as careless about me and our relationship as I thought? And when she caught me cheating, she figured it was sort of like I did her a favor. She didn't even owe me a breakup or explanation. I saved her the trouble.
The coffee starts to kick in, putting me in better shape to process the words on the slide in front of me. Once I get into a good zone with it, I read it from start to finish - every last word of it. It's surprisingly coherent. More than that…it's impressive. Hell, it's downright exciting.
How is it possible that my ex, Vanessa Lopez, of all the cancer researchers in the world, just so happens to be the first one to come up with some of this stuff? And how lucky are we at Bardot that she landed on our team? Finally. It's refreshing to have a brilliant mind who's pushing the limits and aiming high. I just can't believe that mind belongs to…her.
To think I almost cock-blocked her from getting this job altogether. The guilt starts to set in as I close the laptop and gather up my things. Should I really be so surprised that Vanessa's work is this impressive? She was always a straight A honor student in college. Hell, sometimes she had to tutormeon things.
I know I shouldn't start thinking about those days. But I can't help it.
Long before she started to hate me, we were thick as thieves. I don't know why I cheated. I have to admit we were the kind of couple other people were jealous of. We hardly ever fought, and if we did - it was always over something small and stupid. The make-up sex that followed was always more than worth it. She didn't nag or stalk my every move like a lot of my buddy's girlfriends did. She was so independent and confident, and gave me all the freedom I needed.
And how did I repay her for that? By fucking around on her. I wish I could say I was young and stupid, but if I'm being honest with myself…I was old enough to know better. I was in med school for christ's sake. I should have had my personal shit together well enough to treat her right.
But then what? Marriage? Kids? Not for me. Even if I did eventually decide I could give her those things, I would have wished I played the field more before we got together. I guess I figured I'd bide my time seeing other women here and there, and if she was still putting up with me down the road when marriage seemed less terrifying…I'd clean up my act and give her everything she deserved.
Now here we are ten years later, and I'm no closer to being ready to settle down. But I can also admit I have never met another woman like her since.
There's no changing the past, I decide as I head to my car. For a moment, I consider going to my favorite bar for a good drink and some conversation, maybe even a good fuck, to take my mind off of everything with Vanessa. But then I think better of it. I've done enough damage with her between what happened back in college…and now everything that's happened with Bardot.
The least I can do is go home and get some good rest so I'm prepared for our meeting tomorrow.
That's exactly what I do, and it pays off because I'm feeling fantastic by the next morning. I make a mental note to myself that I really should lay off the late nights of drinking for a while. I had forgotten how good it can feel to wake up well rested without a hangover.
Vanessa is already in her office by the time I arrive. I lean in the doorframe and knock lightly. She jumps and nearly spills her water bottle. I laugh under my breath as she scrambles to catch it and knocks her pen cup over in the process.
"Oh! Hey!" she shrieks through the chaos.
"I see you still keep a messy work station," I tease. "And that you still scare easy."
Up until now, I had forgotten those small details about her. Being reminded of them isn't helping matters any. There just as endearing to me now as they were back then.
She picks up her pens, straightens in her chair, and blows out a calming breath. "Good morning, Dr. Ashford. It's funny you should mention that…because, well, I was thinking about it last night, and I really do think it's important for us to leave the past in the past. It's important in making our professional relationship work. So, I do think it'd be wise for us to keep moments of reminiscing like that one to ourselves. And from there, you and I can have a fresh start."
I nod, taking it all in. I want nothing more than to lay into her, to ask if she'll be privately reminiscing about me a lot…and am I fully clothed in all of those memories?
But she's right. This is the right way to move forward, and I'm trying to give her a break.
"Deal," I answer finally, keeping all smart-ass remarks to myself.
She looks pleasantly surprised as she stands and walks over to me, holding out her hand to shake on it. "Deal."
Our eyes lock together with an intense magnetism as our palms press together. She quickly brushes it off and pulls her hand away, but I know she felt it too. I could see it sparking in her chocolate brown eyes.
