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"What else is there to say? I could give you a million adjectives for 'idiot' and it still wouldn't be enough. It doesn't change anything. I can't fix this or change the past. I know that."
"So let's just stop talking," I suggest, setting my glass down on the coffee table.
"No. You talk."
"What do you want me to say?"
He thinks about it for a moment. "How did you find out I was cheating on you?"
"At least you're not trying to deny it," I sigh. "I guess if I'd confronted you about it back then, you probably would have tried to lie."
"No," he says, sounding certain. "I never could have lied to your face."
"Oh, but didn't you? Every time you kissed me after sleeping with another woman, you were lying to my face."
"How did you find out?" he asks again.
I already know I'm not going to answer him, but that doesn't stop it from playing through my mind anyway. As the flashes of that horrible afternoon come back to me, I can feel tears threatening to well up in my eyes.
I fly to my feet, snatching up my glass again on the way. Keeping my back turned to him, I cross the room and take a long hard drink.
"Okay," I hear him rasp quietly from the couch. "If this is how you want it...Okay." He stands up and walks towards me, but I don't turn around. "I actually came here to tell you I can't do this."
"Can't do what?"
"Reminisce in any way that involves those thongs you sent me. Like you keep saying, a lot has changed. Maybe back then I couldn't keep it in my pants when I probably should have, but I'm trying to be a better man now."
"Lovely," I scoff sarcastically. "How big of you, Ashford. So is that what you came here to tell me...or is it what you're telling me?"
He draws in closer...close enough for me to feel his warmth wash over my body and his hot breath on the back of my neck - just like I felt him that day in the meeting room. Only now, it's just the two of us here in this hotel room. There's nothing stopping us...except for him.
Typical. He only wants what he can't have.
"Now...Now I don't know," he admits, his voice deep.
I'm to the point where I don't even care what happens anymore...just so long as he doesn't see me cry.
"Well, when you make up your mind..." I slide my finger under the straps of my dress and pull them down my arms, leaving the satin loose. As it falls down around my feet, I walk over to the bed. "I'll be here. Take it or leave it." I crawl on all fours across the mattress, arching my back in the way that I know drives him crazy. "What's it going to be, Ashford? Do you miss this or not?"
His lips part, then close again. He doesn't know what he's going to do, but I can see the answer he wants to give hanging in his eyes. They're drinking me in with a hungry desperation.
"I wish you didn't make it sound so black and white," he sighs. "It's not. You know I've missed this. But that doesn't mean..."
"Doesn't mean you can just come over here and take me? That you can fuck me all night long the way you used to? Fast and hard the first time. You wouldn't even take all my lingerie off for it. But then...when you're ready for round two...You were tender, sweet. You took your time."
He steps closer, like I'm a magnet pulling him in against his will. "Which way did you enjoy more?"
"Both," I admit. "One wasn't as good without the other."
"You were always so insatiable," he grins.
"And you were always a stubborn ass."
He dips his head and laughs, but by the time his eyes meet mine again - no one is laughing.
"You still are," I remind him, flexing my hips and offering him my body. "Now quit stalling and fuck me, Ashford."
I brace myself for the inevitable rejection, but then in one swift move - he sweeps over me, throwing me back against the mattress. His weight pins me down with his hands wrapped around my wrists.
