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As the clock ticks closer to nine, I slip into some lingerie with a black satin dress over top. I can't remember the last time I went through this much effort for a man. When I study my reflection in the mirror, I don't even recognize myself. It's not just the clothes. It's everything.
"What am I doing?" I groan to myself.
I'm seconds away from calling it off, and really doing it this time, when a knock comes to the door. I race to the peephole and confirm it is, in fact, Joshua - even though my phone says it's only 8:50pm.
"The bastard's early."
After sucking in a deep breath, I open the door and lean seductively against the frame of it.
"You're here early," I purr, hiding every ounce of frustration. "You guess you just couldn't wait?"
His brows flinch. "I, uh, just finished up at the hospital and didn't feel like wandering the streets to kill time."
"Ah. Of course. Come on in," I wave, cursing this whole idea. Even when I'm trying to be playful, he just has to have the upper-hand. God forbid he admit that he was excited to see me.
He takes long, slow strides into the room, circling it to look around before he turns and faces me again. His eyes drift over me from top to bottom, and I notice him swallow down a hard lump. But he doesn't comment on what I'm wearing or how I look.
"I was surprised to receive your message," he starts.
"Yeah, well...I just thought...why dance around it, you know? I mean, isn't this what you want?" I wave over the black satin and lace that my curves are wrapped up in. Just like a present, all ready for him to unwrap. But like any other selfish, spoiled child - he just stares with an unreadable expression, like he's barely even interested.
Of course. Why would he be? He probably has women trying to seduce him all the time. Nothing's changed.
"What I want and what I need are two different things," he sighs. "The same goes for you."
"Does it?" I huff. "Don't fool yourself into thinking you know anything about what I want or need, Ashford."
"Well, I obviously know at least one thing you want," he smirks. "Isn't that why I'm here?"
He's wrong again. This isn't a want. It's obviously a need or else I would have been able to talk myself out of it. I need to have sex. I need to be with him again. I need to get back at him for how much he hurt me. It's suddenly not so clear to me how I think I can fulfill all of those needs at once like this, here tonight.
"You had no problem crossing boundaries when we were at the hospital," I remind him. "Don't pretend to be so in control now that we're here. Come on. Let's talk about what it was like. Let's reminisce and get it all out of our systems."
"And then what?"
"And then...we move on," I say firmly. "We officially put a close to this side of our relationship, and keep it purely professional from then on."
"You really think this is the best way to do that?"
"The best? I don't know. It's certainly more fun this way."
He smiles. "Is that what you want to do? Have fun with me?"
I roll my eyes, growing tired of talking around in circles.
"Because," he continues. "If you really want closure...I don't think we're going to accomplish that with 'fun'."
"I should have known you think you have all the answers." I cross the room to pour us both some liquor. Wine isn't cutting it anymore. I need something stronger. "Come out with it then, Mr. Know It All. What's your brilliant idea about us getting closure?"
When I return to hand him his drink, he takes me by the hands and leads me over to the couch. I can't pull away without spilling the expensive bourbon everywhere, so I go along with it. He pulls us both down to sit.
"We talk," he replies. "That's it. We say all the things we should have said back then."
"Oh, this should be good," I say with a bitter laugh. "Sure. Why not? Let's talk. You start."
"I already spoke my piece earlier today in the lab. I told you...I was an idiot back then."
"That's it?"
