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The whole having fun thing has been nice, I have to admit. But my life isn't all fun and games anymore.
"I should really catch up on housework," I tell him. "I hate leaving the place in a mess for Sam to clean up."
"Okay. I'll help," he says, not missing a beat.
"You don't have to…"
"I know I don't," he shrugs. "I want to."
"Surely you have more exciting things to do with your weekend," I argue.
He thinks about it, then shakes his head. "No, actually. I still can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be right now."
I feel a nagging pang in my heart. He says thatnow…but what about when he does think of somewhere else he'd rather be? When today's version of Carrie Hartford crosses his path, what then?
"What are you thinking about?" he asks, snapping me out of my spiraling thoughts.
"Nothing," I lie.
Tomorrow I'll be realistic and face the hard truths. Today has been too perfect, and I just want to hide away in blissful ignorance a little while longer.
True to his word, Ashford helps me do the dishes and tidy up the house. Afterwards, we order a pizza which is enough to coax Addy out of her room to watch a movie with us. When the movie is over, we laugh and play board games until she's ready to go to bed.
I keep waiting for him to get bored and leave, but to my surprise - he's ready to open a bottle of wine when we're alone again.
He pulls me in closer to him. "Talk to me. I can tell something's bugging you."
I can't resist laying my head on his shoulder, curling up on top of his strong muscular body. This used to make me feel so safe and protected. Being in his arms could chase away all of my troubles. I have to admit…it still does.
"Today has been…amazing," I answer slowly, my voice cracking from the ache. "But…I don't know if this is right. It's not a good idea to bring you around Addy like this. She could get attached, and then…"
"And then what?"
"When you're gone…"
"I'm not going anywhere," he insists.
"Come on, Joshua," I huff. "It's been nice to pretend, but we have to be practical about this. You said so yourself you've never been in a serious relationship–"
"Not since you."
"No offense, but I can't sit here and pretend like I don't know that you're afraid of commitment and anything serious besides work."
He sits up and plots his words carefully. "Vanessa, I may have messed up back then. But that doesn't mean I'm doomed to repeat the same mistakes for the rest of my life. I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most, but I'm here now. And I always will be from now on. I don't care if it's as a friend or…whatever you want me to be. I'm not going anywhere. Anything you or Addy need, I'm here. You don't have to do it all alone anymore."
Don't fall for it, Vanessa. You swore you'd never fall for it again.
But…he never said any of this before. He's never acted like this before. I'm not really falling for any of the same old stuff because…this is all brand new.
Maybe there's a chance thatwecould be something brand new too.
"Kiss me," I blurt, so desperate to lose myself in this before I come to my senses and think better of it.
He doesn't hesitate to obey me. He sweeps his big strong hand across my cheek, around the nape of my neck. He pulls me in to kiss him, and the whole world seems to fade away. At least for a second or two.
"Wait," I say, reluctantly tearing my lips apart from his. "Addy could come out. I don't want her to catch us making out."
"Oh I plan on us doing much more than that if you'll allow it," he smirks. "And I definitely don't want her to catch us doing what I have in mind."
