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13
Augustine
Derrick’s words and actions were two very different things. He said he would change, but then when push came to shove seconds later, he was kissing me instead. He was not worried about what I had to say and that was Derrick living up to his reputation.
I heard the sound I made, the one of submission and pleasure. Derrick felt good and when he started to push me back on the couch, I didn’t even try to stop him. There was a lot that I couldn’t get out of my head but him on top of me, the feel of his hard muscles as he held me down where I was with his hard body. I didn’t know what to think, what to do. It was too much and before I could say or do anything else, Derrick’s hand was on my breast and his hard lump of need was pressed against my lower region. It made me moan louder and I pulled away.
I was breathing hard, panting like a dog in heat, and how annoying was that? I didn’t know what Derrick was doing to me, but he was messing with me hard core. I didn’t know what to say or do. I was lost in the moment. I touched my lips, sure that they would be burnt and raw from his kiss. It was something else, Derrick was something else. I could never look at him the same again.
He made a step toward me, and I took a step back when he did. I needed a breather, and I needed some distance. Before I could do anything else, there was a part of me that wanted to run into his arms and get so many other answers. I couldn’t though. Derrick was my boss. We weren’t supposed to be doing this. I knew better and now I was really confused. One minute he was asking me to marry him and the next moment he was kissing me like he was claiming me. I didn’t know which one was designed to mess with my head the most, but it really was a toss-up.
“What are you doing?”
Derrick got this sly look and told me that it was pretty obvious what he was doing. “Humor me.”
“I am trying to convince you to take me up on my offer, that’s what I am doing. I think if you were given just a little bit of time, you would be doing exactly that.”
His remark of how I had given into him was bothersome. I didn’t know what to say to that. I probably would have done about anything he wanted if we would have kissed for much longer. I tried my best to push off the feelings that his mouth and body had inspired, but I couldn’t. I think Derrick was a bit surprised I wasn’t back in his lap. He just kept looking at me, waiting for something, and I couldn’t imagine what it was that he wanted from me. I didn’t know if he was right or not, but avoiding his desired looks was easier said than done.
“I’m engaged, Derrick. I know that doesn’t mean anything to you, but it means something to me. It matters.”
“You don’t want to be engaged, and you don’t even know the guy. At least with me, you know what you’re getting.”
I thought of the way his lips felt on mine and there was a feeling that I had no idea what I was getting when it came to Derrick. I hadn’t expected that kiss, his hardness pushed against me. I hadn’t seen any of that coming and now I was trying hard not to shake inside.
It was late and I had a headache from all of this. Derrick was messing with my head, and I couldn’t do it tonight. Maybe it was because I had drunk earlier, but my mind was fuzzy, and I swear I was hearing things wrong. Had to be what it was. There was no other explanation.
Derrick must have noticed that I wasn’t feeling so good. He apologized for barging in but made me promise to think about what he had said. I would, how could I not? Derrick was throwing out another option that I hadn’t even really thought about. Now, I wasn’t sure how it was going to end. This was more than I thought was possible. I never saw Derrick and I being so close.
That kiss though… All I could think once he left the room was how good that kiss had felt. It was out of the blue and it had taken everything in me to fight the desire that came over me. I needed him, badly, and it was hard to agree with him when he said it was time to leave. He hadn’t wanted to leave, and I hadn’t wanted him to either. I had to though. I had to get some space. My mind was full of nonsense like saying yes to his offer. That was pure craziness. I needed to be married, have a family, but why did it have to be Dalian? Would my family really care if I didn’t pick the man who had already asked, if I brought someone like Derrick home? He was rich, handsome, a catch to anyone that met him. Then, I could keep my job, and I could live my life the way I wanted to. I wanted to be a wife and a mom, but I wanted to be more than that.
With Derrick, I could be everything I wanted to be, but could it be real? Would it be a real marriage, or just a way to get out of a real life with Dalian?
Was I really thinking about it? Could I do such a thing?
14
Derrick
There was someone at the hotel door about an hour after I left Augustine. I didn’t know who it was, but considering the day that I’d had, I wanted it to be Augustine. I figured that she would want to talk about what had happened between the two of us. I was quite sure that was what it was going to be, but it wasn’t. Instead, it was the girl that worked down at the front desk. I’d flirted with her a little bit, and I guess my charm had been more than I’d wanted.
“Can I help you?” I asked the question, even as I knew the answer. It was quite clear what she was there for.
She was petite, blonde, and about ten years younger than me. I seemed to attract a certain sort of woman and she was right up my alley. I would be the first to admit that she was my type. Augustine was my type as well. She was younger, but innocent. The woman standing in front of me now, her name tag said Becki, was not innocent. She had come all the way up here, likely still on the clock, and she only had one thing on her mind. Augustine would never do that, though my body tightened up just thinking about it.
“Sorry, Becki. I think you must have misread me earlier. I am not interested in getting to know anyone while I’m here.”
She scoffed and asked me if I was gay. I didn’t know what she was asking, besides the fact that she was perturbed I didn’t want her. That was too big of a surprise, but it was still hard to respond when she acted in such a way.
“No, but I don’t need any more help tonight, thank you.”
She said something underneath her breath, and I was sure that it wasn’t something that I necessarily would like to hear. She was upset and I didn’t blame her. Getting turned down was for the birds. Augustine had done it earlier, and I was still smarting from it.
The woman left and I was left alone in the room. There was a small part of me that wouldn’t have minded inviting her into my room. Kissing Augustine had gotten me all worked up and now I was going to have blue balls all night and likely all the way back home tomorrow. It was not something that I was used to or looking forward to.
I laid down but didn’t find sleep all that easy. I thought of the girl at the desk and how hard it would have been to get my way with her. I knew that it wouldn’t be hard, but I also knew that it wasn’t what I wanted. It would just be a waste. That’s all it would be. Other women had been less enticing for a while, since Augustine came to work for me, but since she came in with that ring, I hadn’t been able to think of much else.
* * *
